Blood Drive

The Office 5×16

Pam Beesly: Shoot. They have new phone systems now that can ring directly to a salesman, or someone presses star and they go to accounting... Basically, 95% of my job... But I'd like to see a machine that puts out candy for everyone... Vending machine.

Michael Scott: I am about to give blood. The gift of everlasting life, the transfer of my bodily fluids... Wow, that's a big needle.

Michael Scott: Yeah. I'm good. I feel like a human juice box... Oh, God. Hawaiian blood punch... Type O-cean Spray.

Bob Vance: I honestly don't know how you can work with that jackass and that other jackass and that new jackass.
Phyllis Lapin: He's talking about Michael, Dwight and Andy.
Jim Halpert: Yeah. I understood.

Angela Martin: My worst breakup was actually two breakups. Two different men. I was in love with both of them and when things went bad they had a duel over me.
Meredith Palmer: Yeah, Dwight and Andy. We were here.
Angela Martin: No. This was years ago when I was living in Ohio. John Mark and John David.
Oscar Martinez: Angela, you had two sets of different men actually duel over you?
Angela Martin: I guess I have...

Dwight Schrute: Lonely people mixing with one another, breeding, creating an even lonelier generation? You're not allowing natural selection to do its work. You're like the guy who invented the seatbelt.

Michael Scott: These people need love. And I am going to get it for them. Who cares if we sell a little bit less paper today? A great boss cares more about the happiness of his employees than anything else. I am going to be Cupid. And I'm going to shoot my sparrow at unsuspecting victims and they are going to get hit and say, "I'm in love. I was hit by Cupid's sparrow." Funny little bird, but he gets the job done.

Kelly Kapoor: She could be your soul mate...
Dwight Schrute: Not likely. With three billion women on the planet, most of them live in Asia, so the numbers just don't add up.

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