Moroccan Christmas

The Office 5×10

Phyllis Lapin: Oh, I don't think it's blackmail. Angela just does what I ask her to do so I won't tell everyone that she's cheating on Andy with Dwight. I think for it to be blackmail, it would have to be a formal letter.

Dwight Schrute: I am simply punishing those parents that would wait till the last minute to give their child a gift, and such a genetically improbable one.

Dwight Schrute: Look at that... How does that happen? The king has sex with a unicorn? Man with a horn has sex with a royal horse?

Michael Scott: This is equal parts scotch, absinthe, rum, gin, vermouth, triple sec, and two packs of Splenda. Call it a "one of everything."
Meredith Palmer: Oh, my God! Hit me again!

Angela Martin: Really, Andy? It's Christmas, and you're singing about nudity and France.

Michael Scott: Jim, check that out.
Jim Halpert: What is it?
Michael Scott: That is vodka, and I mixed it with orange juice. I call it an "orange vodjuiceka."
Jim Halpert: Wow, that is delicious.
Michael Scott: Yeah.
Jim Halpert: I can't believe no one's thought of that.
Michael Scott: I know!

Michael Scott: Here we go. Everybody, gather up... An intervention, it's sort of hard to describe, but, really, it's a coming together. It's a surprise party for people who have addictions. And you get in their face and you scream at them, and you make them feel really badly about themselves. And then they stop.

Phyllis Lapin: It looks like we're going to be here for a while, so why don't you make a little plate of hummus for everyone? Little triangles of pita, toasted on both side, fanned so you can easily grab them.
Angela Martin: I know...
Phyllis Lapin: And napkins, fanned.

Toby Flenderson: Michael, we're only allowed to talk about Meredith's work performance. We cannot ask her to stop drinking.
Michael Scott: I am not asking her to stop drinking. I am imploring her to quit being an alcoholic.

Dwight Schrute: Actually, I don't care for Meredith, but I don't believe in this kind of thing. In the Schrute family, we believe in a five-fingered intervention. Awareness, education, control, acceptance and punching.

Michael Scott: You know what, Meredith? You lit your hair on fire today. What about tomorrow? What is going to happen when you come into work and you're dead?
Dwight Schrute: I stab her in the brain with a wooden stick. There are several ways to kill a zombie, but the most satisfying one is to stab it in the brain with a wooden stick.
Michael Scott: Everyone in this room loves you. But mark my words, we are not going to support your alcoholism anymore. The next time you light yourself on fire, we are not going to help put you out.

Michael Scott: You know what the only thing I want for Christmas? I want Meredith to get better. That's my only wish. But you know what? My wishes never come true. So I'm not going to wish that on her... A watch would be nice.

Michael Scott: As it turns out, you can't just check someone into rehab against their will. They have to do it voluntarily. They have to hit rock bottom. So I think I know what I need to do at this point. I need to find ways to push Meredith to the bottom. Um, I think I can do it. I did it with Jan.

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