Two and a Half Men 5x4

City of Great Racks

& Jake: Hot girl at 12 o’clock.
    Charlie: Where?
    Jake: Over there.
    Charlie: That would be 9 o’clock.
    Jake: No, it’s 12. Actually, 12:05.

& Charlie: Wanna straighten him out or should I?
    Alan: Go ahead, take a swing.
    Charlie: Okay. The reason guys say hot girl at like 12 o’clock or 3 o’clock... is to specify a location using the clock face as kind of a map.
    Jake: What if you have a digital watch?
    Charlie: First of all, you’re not gonna meet any women if you wear a digital watch. Second of all, it doesn’t matter. The clock face is imaginary.
    Jake: How do you know what time you saw the girl?
    Charlie: You know what? I’m wrong. There’s a hot girl and it’s 12:06.
    Jake: Check.

& Charlie: I’m in a real relationship now with an incredible woman. A judge, a constitutional scholar. A woman who may one day be a state senator...
    Berta: But does she care enough to line her mittens... with hair she collects from your shower drain?
    Charlie: I don’t know yet. We’re going slow.
    Berta: Really?
    Charlie: Yes. Getting to know each other as people before we jump into bed... and get to know each other as, you know, animals.

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& Alan: Anything interesting going on in school?
    Jake: I started algebra.
    Alan: Oh, how’s that going?
    Jake: I don’t get it at all, but the teacher’s really hot.
    Alan: Well, that’s nice.
    Jake: Yeah, she’s got some really great racks.
    Alan: I think you mean rack.
    Jake: No, she’s got two, and they’re ginormous. It’s kind of cool that she’s teaching algebra.
    Alan: .....
    Jake: Nothing?.. Boy, that killed in detention.

& Alan: Oh, hey, how was Santa Barbara?
    Jake: Santa Bar-bra? It’s Spanish for “City of Great Racks.”
    Charlie: Alan, I got no patience for your kid today.
    Alan: Go do your homework.
    Jake: Oh, right. I have a big reading ass-ignment. .......... You’re not my audience.
    Charlie: Remember when he was cute?
    Alan: The memory is fading.

& Charlie: So why do I keep seeing her everywhere I go?
    Dr. Linda Freeman: Well, Charlie, if I tell you that now, what’ll we do for the rest of the hour? ... I’m joshing.

& Linda: So how are things with you and Donna?
    Alan: Good, good. I’ll go get Charlie.
    Jake: Hey, Dad, girls’ volleyball. Lot of bouncing boobs.
    Alan: Not now, Jake.
    Jake: You told me to tell you.

& Charlie: To be honest... there is one lady I’ve been dating. She’s actually my own age.
    Rose: No way!
    Charlie: Yeah. But my therapist says she’s not good for me.
    Rose: And you think I am?
    Charlie: Well, you’ve always loved me for who I am instead of who I could be... which is really wonderful, because, let’s face it... we both love who I am.

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Σ Oh, Rose! We miss you so much.