Dirk Gently 1x1

& Dirk: Accidentally kill a man’s wife and there’s a 30% chance he’ll be forever grateful. Accidentally combust a man’s sniffer dog and he’ll never forgive you.

& Macduff: Why is someone sending you a Valentine’s card in April?
    Dirk: The question is, who is sending me a Valentine’s Day card in April, and what are the series of interconnected events that have led this woman to fall completely and hopelessly in love with me?

& Dirk: I was using a technique known as Zen navigation. There’s a school of thought that says when hopelessly lost, you should consult a map. My own strategy is to find someone who looks like they know where they’re going and follow them. I rarely end up where I was intending to go but I often end up somewhere I needed to be.

& Kate Edwards: Would you be prepared to continue your investigation? What was my husband paying you?
    Dirk: Fi... six, seven, seven ₤700 per day, plus all reasonable expenses. Rest assured, Mrs Edwards, the web of interconnected events will undoubtedly lead us to your husband’s killer.

& Kate Edwards: Can you be discreet, Mr Gently?
    Dirk: I stake my reputation on it. In fact, I have been known to be so discreet that even my clients doubt I’m working on their case.

& Dirk: I’m convinced the answer to the case lies somewhere on the wall. As ever, we are to trust in chance, randomness and chaos to solve the case. Wherever the dart lands in this wall, will form the starting point of our investigation. ... It sometimes takes several attempts to achieve total randomness.

& Dirk: Why would anyone want to invade Switzerland?

& Macduff: They’re still there, Dirk.
    Dirk: Just relax.
    Macduff: I am relaxed.
    Dirk: Relax more.

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& Dirk: You think our meeting like this can be explained by your horoscope?
    Oliver Reynolds: Well, how else would you explain it? {...}
    Dirk: You’re suggesting that the movements of planets, billions of light years away, are somehow determining your actions? You realise that’s completely impossible?

& Macduff: So now we’re charging two clients to investigate the same case? That has to go against our code of conduct. Do we have a code of conduct?
    Dirk: Of course, we don’t. It’s you. They’re clearly not the same case. Ms Reynolds asked us to find out whether her husband is cheating. Mr Reynolds asked us to find out why his horoscope is seemingly coming true. The two cases are undoubtedly connected, but they are not the same case, as is clearly demonstrated by the fact that they have separate files, and they are both inextricably linked to Mr Edwards, as clearly demonstrated by the fact they reside in the same filing cabinet

& Macduff: So what’s the connection? {...}
Dirk: If the connections were that simple, any idiot could set themselves up as a holistic detective.
    Macduff: Oh, really?

& Dirk: Conspiracy theories and horoscopes are all a product the same ill-conceived desire to impose order on the world. What their proponents fail to understand is that we must embrace chaos if we are to come to an understanding of the world in all its complexity.

& Macduff: Why are we here? How is this getting us any closer to Mr Edwards’ killer?
    Dirk: Well, that’s the beauty of holistic detection, MacDuff. We’re getting closer, even when it appears we are moving further away.

& Dirk: Where’s the front door?
    Macduff: What?
    Dirk: The front door. We’ve got to get out of here.
    Macduff: I thought we were looking for the killer.
    Dirk: No, we’re running away from the killer.
    Macduff: Are we chasing the killer, or is the killer chasing us?
    Dirk: Why would we chase the killer?

& Macduff: We’re not going to the police, are we?
    Dirk: No, we’re following that white car.
    Macduff: Of course we’re following that white car. In an emergency, follow a white car. Why are we following a white car?
    Dirk: Because it looks like he knows where he’s going. Zen navigation.

& Macduff: I think the guy we followed knows we’re following him.
    Dirk: Then I imagine he’s rather paranoid.

& Janice: That crazy horoscope guy is here to see you!
    Dirk: Then show him in!
    Janice: You show him in!
    Dirk: I believe we have already discussed my inability to show someone in when I am already in myself!

& Macduff: Could we please just pay her wages?
    Dirk: If we pay her wages, then she will no longer turn up to work in the futile hope that one day we will pay her wages. Do I have to think of everything?

& Dirk: I believe we are having the sort of day that would make even Mother Teresa kick babies.

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On the Imdb.