Two and a Half Men 5x2

Media Room Slash Dungeon

& Alan: Charlie, I’m not gonna lie to some poor woman so you can dump her.
    Charlie: I am not dumping her. We’ve just grown apart.
    Alan: Since you picked her up at a bar last night?
    Charlie: People change.

& Evelyn: Why do you have to lie to me?
    Charlie: We don’t have to. It’s a choice we make.

& Alan: I have been to these things with Mom, and I know you think it’s gonna be bad. But believe me, it’s gonna be worse than you can even imagine.

---

& Sharon: It’s not you, it’s me.
    Alan: Yeah, right.
    Sharon: What is that supposed to mean?
    Alan: Sharon, I have been rejected by 32 different women in my life. And you know what? It’s never been me.
    Sharon: Okay, it’s you. Feel better?
    Alan: Actually, no.
    Sharon: You’re a very nice guy.
    Alan: That’s even worse. You know what they say about nice guys.
    Sharon: Yes, they finish last.
    Alan: No, they finish in the shower.

& Sharon: What do you want? I can’t help if I’m not sexually attracted to you.
    Alan: Yes, you can. You just have to make an effort. You know those jokes you don’t get right away?.. And then in a day or two, you find yourself laughing and laughing? That’s me. I’m one of those jokes. You’ll sleep with me now, and you’ll be attracted to me later. Please, Sharon, just give me a chance!
    Sharon: Oh, what the hell.

& Alan: Hey, Berta, you’re a woman...
    Berta: And where are we going with this, zippy?
    Alan: I was just wondering... What does it mean when someone starts crying uncontrollably... after sex?
    Berta: Well, in my experience, it usually means the conjugal visit’s over.

--
On the IMDb