Citizen Khan 1x5

& Dave: It’s a new thing, my idea actually. I thought it’d be a good way of attracting in new members...
    Mr. Khan: New members? This is a mosque, Dave! Not LA Fitness. And THIS is no good. The Three Little Pigs?! We’re Muslim, Dave, remember?

& Mr. Khan: You know, being a Muslim isn’t just about growing beards and reading the Quran, you know.
    Riaz: Isn’t it?
    Mr. Khan: Oh, no. It’s the whole package. Culture. Community. Cricket.
    Riaz: The three C’s!
    Mr. Khan: Exactly. Pakistan!
    Riaz: Zindabad!
    Omar: Zindabad!

& Mr. Khan: What the hell is that?!
    Dave: It’s the TV.
    Mr. Khan: That’s not a TB, that’s a bloody microwave!

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& Dave: Who should I be cheering for, by the way? England or Pakistan?
    Mr. Khan: It’s a very interesting question, Dave. On one hand, you have the third world backward country, home to many millions of poor Muslims, and on the other hand you have Pakistan.
    Dave: Right. I am English, though, so...
    Mr. Khan: You are Muslim now, Dave. You have to support Pakistan. It’s God’s team.
    Dave: Ah, what about Bangladesh?
    Mr. Khan: Don’t be stupid, Dave.

& Shazia: But I don’t care about those man things!
    Mr. Khan: Well, that’s not my fault, is it? Look, this wouldn’t be a problem if you were a boy. You’re not and I have accepted that, and I’ve moved on, and quite frankly I think it’s time you did too!

& Mr. Khan: I don’t follow the cricket.
    Keith: What are those then?
    Mr. Khan: Prayer pads. Protect your knees whilst your praying.
    Keith: Oh, right. And that?
    Mr. Khan: This is a Muslim religious artifact.
    Keith: It looks like a cricket bat.
    Mr. Khan: That proves you are ignorant of Muslim culture, and therefore a bloody racialist! Thank you! Goodbye!

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On the Imdb.