The Date Night Variable
Stuart: Must be nice... Nobody wants anything that comes out of me.
& Mrs. Wolowitz: So, what’s this mishegas about you moving out to go live with the little Polish girl?!
Howard: How about calling her my wife?
Mrs. Wolowitz: Wives don’t take boys from their mothers.
Howard: They do. That’s why we marry them!
& Amy: This is so exciting... Soon, my upper lip will be the same fake blonde as my beautiful best friend.
Penny: Hey, this is my natural hair color!.. Now.
& Penny: So, does Sheldon have anything special planned for you tomorrow night?
Amy: Oh, yes. According to the Relationship Agreement, on the anniversary of our first date, he must take me to a nice dinner, ask about my day and engage in casual physical contact that a disinterested onlooker might mistake for intimacy.
Penny: That’s hot. You kids better use protection.
& Penny: ... Oh, my gosh, that’s awful. The other kids make fun of you?
Amy: No, I had a cover story; I told everyone it was herpes.
& Sheldon: Leonard, where do you stand on the anthropic principle?
Leonard: Interesting question. On the one hand, I always thought...
Sheldon: You don’t even know what it is, do you?
& Leonard: I know what the anthropic principle is!
Sheldon: Of course. I just explained it to you.
& Sheldon: Now, where do you stand on it?
Leonard: Where do you stand on it?
Sheldon: Strongly pro.
Leonard: Then I believe that God created the world in six days, and on the seventh, he made you to annoy me.
& Leonard: Sheldon, are you sure you want to be bringing Raj on your date night with Amy?
Sheldon: Oh, absolutely. I have a contractual obligation to provide Amy with conversation and casual physical contact, but nowhere is it specified that I can’t outsource that to an Indian.
& Howard: I’m amazing. I mean, this is even better than I dreamed. I look out the window, and... it’s all so unbelievable.
Bernadette: Good for you. I just had a seemingly endless dinner with your mom.
Howard: Oh, yeah?.. That’s nice.
& Howard: I know you’re upset, but... let me share something I’ve learned since I got here... You realize how small your problems are when you’re looking down on them from space. Now, come on, that’s got to make you feel better.
Bernadette: How clear is the image of me on that screen?
Howard: Pretty clear.
Bernadette: Do I look like I feel better?
Howard: I mean, it’s not, like, HD quality...
& Bernadette: Listen, mister, you’re gonna talk to your mother and you’re gonna fix this, or that thing I said I was gonna do to you the minute you got home... you can do to yourself.
Howard: .......
Dimitri: Like he’s been doing since he got here.
& Raj: You know, Amy, I don’t even think you and I have had a real conversation. Let’s use tonight to get to know each other a little better. You start.
Amy: Go home!
& Raj: Waiter? A bottle of champagne and three glasses. Oh, boy, isn’t this romantic?
Sheldon: Oh, I hope that’s a rhetorical question, because I have no clue.
& Dimitri: Hey, Froot Loops. You got a phone call.
Howard: Who is it?
Dimitri: A woman who says she’s your mother but sounds like your father.
& Howard: Hey, Ma. You know, we could see each other if you turn on the computer.
Mrs. Wolowitz: I’m not going near that fakakta thing. I’ll catch a computer virus!
Howard: You can’t catch a computer virus.
Mrs. Wolowitz: Oh, so now you’re an astronaut and a doctor?
& Mrs. Wolowitz: I knew it! I knew she was behind this! You listen to me, if you want to be a man, you can’t let a woman tell you what to do!
& Dimitri: I can’t believe these people won the Cold War.
& Amy: Have I ever told you you’re like a sexy praying mantis?
Sheldon: Every time you drink alcohol.
& Sheldon: W-Where are you going?
Amy: I’m leaving!
Sheldon: You can’t leave. I need you.
Amy: You do?!
Sheldon: Yes. You’re my ride.
& Amy: Sheldon, you either say something meaningful and from the heart, or you and I are done.
Sheldon: All right... Amy... when I look in your eyes... and you’re looking back in mine... everything feels not quite normal, because I feel stronger and weaker at the same time. I feel excited and, at the same time, terrified. The truth is, I don’t know what I feel, except... I know what kind of man I want to be.
Amy: Sheldon... that was beautiful.
Sheldon: I should hope so. That’s from the first Spider-Man movie.
& Bernadette: Was she upset?
Howard: Who can tell? She yells everything. She might have been upset... She might have been hungry...
& Bernadette: Good night, Rocket Man.
Howard: To infinity and beyond, baby.
Dimitri: Loops... You realize you just lied your ass off to your wife and your mother.
Howard: I know...
Dimitri: What are you gonna do when you get back to Earth?
Howard: Oh, I’m never going back.
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On the IMDb
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