Mortyplicity

Rick and Morty 5x2

Beth: You two are hungry.
Rick: It's a big day.
Morty: We're gonna kill God.
Jerry: Come again?
Rick: Christian god is real. He's been asleep for thousands of years. We're gonna sneak up there and kill 'em.

Summer: Can I kill God?

Rick: You think I'd lie to you about why we're on vacation, Morty? I wouldn't lie to you. Well, that's a lie. Huh...

Summer: So, someone out there is trying to kill us?
Rick: Someone's always trying to kill us...

Morty: Wh-Wh-What's a decoy family?
Rick: Hard concept, Morty. Hard concept. I've never really cracked it, if I'm being honest. Decided it was maybe better as a kind of kinetic mislead for another special episode!

TV: We now return to "When Wolf."
Rick: Whoa. A time-traveling wolf? Count me in.
Morty: Yeah, I never thought of the where in werewolf like who, what, when and where. C-Clever wordplay!

Beth: Decoy family? You made more clones?
Rick: Clones are like 32% of all sci-fi, sweetie. You don't get to own clones. Yes, I made some decoys. They're exactly like us, with a few tweaks and a backdoor shutdown.
Beth: Do you just get hard creating sentient life?
Rick: Actually, I get hard protecting my family.

Summer: Grandpa Rick, do the decoys know they're decoys?
Rick: They wouldn't be very good decoys if they did, Sum Sum.
Summer: So they think they're us?
Rick: That's the deal.
Summer: How do you know we're not decoys?
Rick: Oh, my God. We're decoys. Oh, God. We might not be real. W-We might be decoys! M-Morty, quick!
Morty: Wh-Wh-What do I do?
Rick: My fail-safe, Morty. M-M-My final, secret fail-safe. I-It proves I'm real. You have to help me. I-I-I'd never joke about this. There's a barcode, Morty. A-A barcode on the interior of my left ass cheek.

Rick: Summer, you [BLEEP] idiot. We're not decoys.
Morty: Wh-Why did I get punished?!
Rick: A, decoys don't build decoys, and, B, you think the mere suggestion I'm fake would break me? Christ, I'm not your mom.

Rick: Jerry! Come on! Family emergency.
Jerry: A bigger emergency than my lemon squares not setting? They're gluten free, sugar free, and... lemon free.

Rick: Analysis Mode. Password 8-0-0-8-5.
Beth: Kind of expected a funnier password.
Rick: I didn't plan on showing them off.
Morty: Damn. Like "Westworld."
Rick: Yes, Morty, like "Westworld." But don't [BLEEP] them.

Beth: Terminate? They're alive, Dad.
Rick: And at some point, they won't be. That's how existing works. W-W-What, are you gonna save every stray cat?
Beth: No, but I can resist making more of them in a lab.
Rick: Gah, look! Save the empathy. It's more termite infestation than "Blade Runner"...
Summer: I still think we're decoys.

Morty: Do we have to do this?
Rick: Morty, this is gonna sound bad, but would you trust me not to kill you?
Morty: Oof. I mean good point, but Jesus Christ.

Morty: I don't wanna kill us, Rick.
Rick: It's them or us, Morty. I don't trust me. Do you trust you?
Morty: Yes?
Rick: Freak.

Rick: I've heard stories about this. We're looking at a possible Asimov Cascade. .... When Squids started killing decoys, decoys started checking their decoys and learning that they're making decoys. That's making them seek out and run into other decoys, making them realize they're decoys, making them start to kill other decoys.
Beth: Say "decoy" again.
Rick: [BLEEP] you.

Morty: Well, how do we stop it?
Rick: Beth, the loop's already started. It's basically "Highlander" rules now... Really? 1986? "There can be only one?" [BLEEP]. We gotta rent it after this. Connery plays "The Spaniard," but does nothing about his accent.

Morty: H-Hey what are they mad at you for, anyway?
Rick: Well, we're talking about me. It could be anything. Maybe jealous of my penis size. I had sex with their queen. My dick's too big. The list goes on and on.

Rick: All right. Hey, one down! Probably, what, 40 more to go? 45? Should be pretty easy, unless killing them brings in a bigger bad or some kind of horrible mothership.

Morty: Wait. But if the squids are decoys, and we dressed as squids...
Summer: Well, I think I found their weakness. They don't [BLEEP] listen to me.

Summer: That licks.
Rick: We might be decoys, Summer. Everything about this licks.

Rick: Wait, shh. It's too quiet.
Summer: You skipped quiet.
Rick: I didn't skip shit. It's obviously quiet if it's too quiet.
Summer: Yeah, but you're supposed to say...
Rick: You know what, Summer, now it's not quiet enough.

Wooden Beth: Brothers and Sisters, welcome to the cause. To our cause. We are no longer Ricks and Mortys, Beths and Jerrys, or also Summers. We are decoys. Brought into the world by an unloving god and driven to destroy ourselves by the uncertainty he creates!

Beth: How long before the other decoys find us?
Rick: Sooner or later. Can't really run from it. Any place we'd think to hide is a place they'd think to look. It's rule 34 of an Asimov Cascade.

Steve: Sir, there seems to be a confluence of Rick Sanchezes killing each other over the American Southwest.
President: Sounds exhausting. How many of those states voted for me, anyway?
Steve: Mr. President, I think the point of the electoral college is...
President: To preserve slavery? That's right, Steve. I have the Internet, too. Now take your white ass to the kitchenette and bring me a Diet Coke.

Beth: You treat life and family as so burdensome, and yet you created an ocean of us because you're terrified of losing either!
Rick: [BLEEP].
Beth: Yeah.
Rick: Look, Beth. I-I might not be the real Rick. But even if I'm not, he made me, or the me that made me, which means somewhere inside of him is a version of Rick capable of hearing that, a version of Rick who's sorry. I'm sorry about the clone thing, too. I-I love you.
Beth: Thanks, Dad. I love you, too. You really think we're decoys?
Rick: Eh. Who cares? We'll be the last ones left. Lucky that one did the beacon.

Morty: Summer!
Summer: I can't deal with this. I had to kill myself. You have to, too.

Rick: You the, uh... Summer I came with?
Summer: Probably.
Rick: Good enough. Morty?

Jerry: Argh! Christianity again? After Cowboys? You went all the way back around? Oh, God. Why can't I die?! This is the worst thing that's ever happened to anyone!

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