Is This Really How It's Going To End?!

Lucifer 5×15

Lucifer: Well, it's true I haven't always behaved in the most godly of ways, but let's be fair, I've also been a victim of Michael's smear campaign for the last millennia.

Lucifer: So... can I count on your support, bro?
Jophiel: Dude, what's the catch?
Lucifer: There's no catch.
Jophiel: Come on, Luce, it's you. There's always a catch.
Lucifer: The catch is if I'm not God, then Michael will be. What could be worse than that?
Jophiel: Michael's not that bad. Sure, he's got no chill, but he's been up in the Silver City this whole time, at Dad's side. He's, like, practically already in charge.

Jophiel: Sorry, Luce, I just don't see you as... God material. What's up, girl?

Chloe: So what does being God's consultant actually look like?
Lucifer: Look like? I don't quite follow.
Chloe: Well, yeah, I've just been thinking about this next chapter in my... our lives and what it entails. I mean, do I get to pick my own hours, or...
Lucifer: You can do whatever you want.
Chloe: Well, do I need to pull Trixie out of school? It's mid-semester, not the best timing. I mean, can I commute? Or does it not work that way? Oh, God, does this mean I have to die?

Chloe: You don't think I'm getting cold feet, do you? My... my feet are warm as ever.
Lucifer: Right, well, maybe just chill them a smidge because I'm not sure I can convince my siblings I'm the right angel for the God job.

Lucifer: Shall we, future Mrs. G?

Ella: I am very mucho not excited for you. I don't wanna solve crimes without you. Come on, Decker, retire? Is this really how it's gonna end? What, you gonna take up scrapbooking? You gonna foster cats, hmm?
Chloe: I'm actually helping Lucifer take over the, um, family business.

Saraqael: You must really wanna be God... Actually, why do you want it so badly?
Lucifer: Um, well, you know, because who... who wouldn't want it?
Saraqael: Right...

Chloe: Who leaves their door open in LA?

Mazikeen: I still feel like I need something that says, you know... "I've returned to fiercely rule over you for all of eternity." But like, not in a needy way. Think murderously aspirational.

Mazikeen: The whole soul thing, it isn't for me. I'm the one who grew it, so I'm just gonna let it slowly suffocate and die.

Lucifer: I have a plan. I'm going to tell him something I've never told anyone before.
Mazikeen: What's that?
Lucifer: I was wrong. I know, it's a miracle.

Lucifer: You really wanna know why I'm doing all of this? Why I'm trying to become God? I'm doing it for love. And it gets worse. I'm doing it for the love of a human. I am trying to be God so that I can finally be worthy of her...
Zadkiel : This woman... is she the gift Father made for you?
Lucifer: Her name is Chloe Decker, and she is much more than that!

Lucifer: Yes, I am doing this for the wrong reasons again, but do you know what? I don't care. All I care about is her. Which is why I have to make this happen, and I will. No matter what the costs.

Lucifer: Think about it. Every piece of the Flaming Sword has a power. Azrael's blade is death, the hilt, to find love, and your necklace is the strength that binds them together, strength that apparently lends itself to whoever's in possession of it.

Chloe: What's the truth? Why are you doing this? Why do you wanna be God?

Ella: At least we both know he's in a better place now, right?
Amenadiel: Yeah.

Lucifer: You know, you are very good at what you do. But your job should simply not exist.
Linda: You don't think helping people cope with pain is important?
Lucifer: I don't think pain should exist.
Linda: I see... But that's life, Lucifer. Pain is inevitable. The suffering, that's optional.

Lucifer: There are no words to convince me that the system isn't broken. ... The system is not only broken. It's unjust.
Linda: Lucifer. You can't control all the bad things that happen in this world. Only how they affect you.
Lucifer: That's where you're wrong. See, there is something I can do. Before, I wanted to be God for the wrong reasons, but now, I no longer want to be God. I have to be God.
Linda: Lucifer, what does that mean?
Lucifer: It means... that we are going to war.

——
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Ground Floor

StartUp 1×2

Ronald Dacey: Only reason anybody come out here... is to catch a gator or feed a gator. And I don't care for gator meat. You chew that shit forever.

Ronald Dacey: You should see what I can do with a blade... It's amazing how long you can stay alive with your guts all hangin' out...

Izzy Morales: Look. If you invest in GenCoin, help us make this a real thing, okay, your money, it turns into a digital currency. It's untaxed, unregulated, untraceable. Suddenly, you're not on some corner slinging rocks. You're moving whatever you want, in the comfort of your own home. It's the future... Not just of crime, but of commerce. It's the future of a truly free market. The question is, Ronald... do you wanna be a part of it?

Phil Rask: Come on. It's okay. You all right? It's just a car. It's just a car. All right? Calm. I'm all right. You're all right. This? Who cares? Oh, see this? It's metal and glass. That's all it is. Just metal and glass, my friend. Just metal and glass. That's metal and that's glass and that's metal and that's glass!

Madeline Pierce: I just transferred down from D.C.
Phil Rask: Pleasure.
Madeline Pierce: Beautiful city.
Phil Rask: Miami? Right...

Phil Rask: See, this town... All this is built on financial crime, right up to the top officials. There are people who are working very hard to make sure that people like you and me don't get a fair shot at bringin' them down. But if they play dirty, you know, means we can play a little dirty, too...

Ronald Dacey: I was this close. You understand me? This close to losing you today. You don't know what that's like as a father. You can't know what that's like. Tomorrow might not be so lucky.

Nick Talman: It's called smurfing. It's a structured money movement. Now, we need 220 grand by tonight, but we can't go to a bank and withdraw that much. However, we can walk into a bunch of different banks and ask for a little bit. It will have to be less than $10,000 in each withdrawal, otherwise they will file a Currency Transaction Report with FINCen, and we can go to jail for a long time. But less than ten, they're not gonna do that.
Izzy Morales: No, uh, wait, wait. No one's going to notice that?
Nick Talman: Well, if we do the same bank different branches, after a few they could file a Suspicious Activities Report, but that would take weeks to go through and I think we would... well, we'd be alive.

Nick Talman: All right. We'll smurf.
Izzy Morales: All right. We can smurf.

Nick Talman: Dude, I don't think I'm gonna make it.
Izzy Morales: Drive a little faster. Stop driving like a white person.

Izzy Morales: Hack into the traffic lights? What do you think I have going on in here?!

Nick Talman: Are you looking to invest?
Ronald Dacey: Nah. I want more than that. I wanna be your partner.

Ronald Dacey: Hey, look, bro. We in Miami. Them dudes sittin' up in them Ivory Towers on Brickell? Ain't much difference between them and the dudes I know.

—
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The One in Vegas: Part 1

Friends 5×23

Phoebe: So far, is this trip to Las Vegas better or worse than the trip to London?
Monica: So far, it's pretty much the same, Pheebs.
Phoebe: What about after I give you these candies?
Chandler: I guess it's a little better now.
Phoebe: Ha, ha. Las Vegas, 1. London, 0.

Ross: May I come in?
Rachel: Uh, yeah, if you want to.
Ross: Do you want me to?
Rachel: Yeah, sure?
Ross: So do I.

Ross: Okay, Rach, before anything happens... I wanna lay down a couple of ground rules. This is just about tonight. I won't go through with this if it'll raise the question of "us." I just want this to be... about what it is.
Rachel: And, um... what is that, Ross?
Ross: The physical act of love.

Phoebe: This place is much better than London! A lady dressed like Cleopatra gave me this. Ninety-nine cent steak and lobster dinner. Huh.
Chandler: You don't eat animals.
Phoebe: For ninety-nine cents I'd eat you.

Rachel: Okay, um, Ross? I'm a little warm, so I'm gonna be taking off my sweater. Now, I'm just letting you know... this is not an invitation to the physical act of love.

—
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Nothing Lasts Forever

Lucifer 5×14

Chloe: Wait, you're gonna be what?
Lucifer: The new God. Isn't that great?

Lucifer: I would be a much better God than my father ever was.
Chloe: No, but why would you even want to be God?
Lucifer: Never mind the why. This is gonna be great, Detective. Lots of changes when I'm in charge. War eradicated, world hunger satiated. Hangovers... never should have existed in the first place.

Lucifer: In fact, things will only get better. I'll become omniscient, omnipotent, omnipresent. All the omnis.

Lucifer: Look, Detective, this is a good thing. Trust me...

Lucifer: Well, in the meantime, how about business as usual? Nice little murder, take your mind off things?

Ella: Could you imagine being ripped apart by a shark?
Dan: Do I have to?

Ella: What do you think the worst part would be? Those big ole teeth tearing into your skin, the water filling your lungs as you screamor the heart attack from the sheer terror of it all?

Lucifer: Sharks, one of Earth's most misunderstood creatures... Definitely correcting that when I'm God.

Lucifer: Uh, Detective, I just realized, when I'm God, I'll know the answers to all your questions! No more asking useless people like Lizzie here.

Amenadiel: Can we please talk about the immediate problem here? Like all of us archangels gathered here on Earth, out in the open for all of humanity to see!
Lucifer: Relax, brother, this is LA. No one will even notice.

God: Children, children, please, one thing at a time. My retirement plan, then my successor. But first... who wants another hot dog?

Mazikeen: Having a soul is the worst.
Linda: But isn't that what you wanted?
Mazikeen: Yeah, until I got one.

Mazikeen: Turns out having a soul mate that can die... It's torture.

Linda: But wasn't there a time that all you wanted was to go back there?
Mazikeen: Yeah, as Hell's torturer. But with a soul, if I die, I'll turn up as one of the tortured.... Oh, God. I know how they're gonna torture me!.. I've gotta go fix this.

Penelope: And your name is?
God: You can call me God--
Chloe: Frey! Godfrey is his name.

God: Children. They blame us for everything.
Penelope: Right? As if we created the world!

Mazikeen: I know what my Hell loop is going to be. I was trying to change it.
Amenadiel: So you'd rather be a puppy murderer?

Lucifer: How'd it go? Ready to ride off into the sunset with a Decker of your own?
God: Penelope is lovely. But she's a few millennia too young for me.
Lucifer: Right. Okay. No double Decker.

Lucifer: To Mazikeen. Queen of Hell.
Mazikeen: I was thinking Maziqueen. But whatever.

Dan: What are you worried about then?
Chloe: That he won't be able to balance being the ruler of the universe with being my boyfriend. Which, when I say out loud, sounds selfish...

God: I thought you wanted to be God.
Lucifer: Well, I did. I... I do. But you've only just got here. Can't you... stay and annoy me for a bit longer?
God: Nothing lasts forever, son.

Amenadiel: Dad, wait. You forgot to name your successor.
God: It's not up to me anymore. You'll figure it out.
Lucifer: Back to your mysterious ways already.
God: All part of my plan...
Lucifer: Plan. How much of this was your plan?
God: Goodbye, my loves...

——
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Терри Пратчетт — Мерцание экрана (5)

Мост троллей

  “Ветер дул с гор, наполняя воздух мелкими ледяными кристаллами. ...

&  Все течет, все меняется. Вы воюете, чтобы изменить мир, но когда он действительно становится другим, в нем не остается места для бойцов. Те, кто боролся за светлое будущее, не всегда подходят для жизни в нем.

&  – Мой папаша… – усталый голос дал петуха, но Коэн сумел взять себя в руки. – Мой папаша, – повторил он, – однажды сказал мне…
     Он с трудом перевел дух.
     – «Сынок…» – подсказал конь.
     – Что?
     – «Сынок», – повторил конь. – Отцы всегда называют сыновей «сынками», когда хотят поделиться мудростью. Это общеизвестный факт.
     – Вообще-то это мое воспоминание.
     – Извини.
     – Так вот, он сказал мне: «Сынок…» Хм, да… «Сынок, запомни – если ты сумеешь одолеть тролля в поединке, то сможешь буквально все!»
     Конь оторопело моргнул. Затем повернулся и еще раз посмотрел вниз – во мрак ущелья и на заросшую деревьями дорогу. Отсюда уже был виден каменный мост.
     Ужасное предчувствие овладело им.
     Копыта нервно переступили по разрушенной дороге.
     – Может, все-таки к Краю? – уныло повторил конь. – Там хорошо и тепло…
     – Нет.
     – Что хорошего в том, чтобы убить тролля? Что тебе это даст?
     – Мертвого тролля. В этом весь смысл.

&  – Когда ты в последний раз видел мост с живущим под ним троллем? А когда я был мальчишкой, их были сотни. Теперь троллей больше в городах, чем в горах. Большинство стали жирными, как масло. Ради чего, спрашивается, мы столько воевали?

&  – Что плохого в том, чтобы быть троллем, живущим под мостом? Меня воспитывали как тролля под мостом. Я хочу, чтобы и Щебень стал троллем под мостом, когда я помру. Что в этом плохого? Под мостами должны быть тролли, иначе зачем это все? В чем смысл?

&  – Что вообще происходит? Я помню все прежние большие войны, а ты? Наверняка ты тоже где-нибудь сражался.
     – Ага, потаскал в свое время дубину.
     – Предполагалось, что мы бьемся за светлое будущее – за власть закона и всякое такое. Так мне вроде говорили.
     – Ну я-то дрался, поскольку огромный тролль с плеткой не оставлял мне выбора, – осторожно ответил Слюда. – Но я понимаю, что ты имеешь в виду.
     – Я имею в виду, что войны велись не ради ферм и елок. Так ведь?
     Слюда опустил голову.
     – И тут еще я со своими жалкими останками моста. Мне так неудобно… – сказал он. – Ты проделал долгий путь, а тут так…
     – Был еще король или кто-то в этом роде, – рассеянно говорил Коэн, глядя в воду. – И, кажется, несколько волшебников. Но король-то был. Я почти в этом уверен. Правда, никогда его лично не встречал. А знаешь… – он усмехнулся троллю, – теперь я даже не помню, как его звали. А может, мне и не говорили никогда…

  ... И рассказывают друг другу истории о героях.”

Nobody (2021)

Detective 1: Who the fuck are you?
Hutch Mansell: Me? I'm...

Charlie Williams: Now, there's nothing that turns out the lights right quick like a fucking bullet to the brain, man. So... take it.
Hutch Mansell: I don't want it.
Charlie Williams: It ain't a matter of want, Hutch. It's the principle of need. So, keep my sister safe, bro.

Tattoo Shop Owner: Who are you?
Hutch Mansell: I'm just a man... who's looking for someone.
Tattoo Shop Owner: Yeah, well, you probably shouldn't flash cheese like that around here, bro.
Hutch Mansell: There are three types of people who, as you say, "flash cheese": people who don't know any better, people who are seeking to intimidate, and people like me, who wish with every fiber of their being that someone would try to take it from them.
Veteran: Uh... Thank you for your service.
Hutch Mansell: You, too, old-timer.... So, any takers?

Hutch Mansell: They say God doesn't close one door without opening another. Please, God, open that door.

Hutch Mansell: Sorry about the mess.

Hutch Mansell: Hey, how about we all head to Italy this summer? We've always talked about going back.
Becca Mansell: Oh, I'd love that. But, um, can we afford it?
Hutch Mansell: I guess the real question is: Can we afford not to?

Hutch Mansell: I never met a Black Russian before.
Pavel: Yeah. I get that a lot.

Pavel: Who the hell are you?
Hutch Mansell: Nobody... Short story long, um, I used to be what they call an auditor for those three-letter agencies. An auditor, as in, uh... the last guy any organization wants to see at their door.

Becca Mansell: What is this?
Hutch Mansell: It is... what it is. This is me.

Yulian Kuznetsov: Mr. Mansell... Enjoying the meal?
Hutch Mansell: Oh. I came for the show.

Hutch Mansell: Everybody dies. Some sooner than others...
David Mansell: Okay, Hutchie. Just a bit excessive... but glorious.

Detective 1: Who the fuck are you?
Hutch Mansell: Me? Me, I'm... I'm nobody.
Detective 2: That's rich.
Detective 1: That ain't much of an answer.
Hutch Mansell: Trust me, it's answer enough.

—
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A Little Harmless Stalking

Lucifer 5×13

Amenadiel: Being God isn't simple. It's... It's a big job. The biggest. How would I even go about making that decision?
Lucifer: Well, in situations like these when much is at stake, I like to ask myself, "What's your knee-jerk reaction?" "You obviously want this, so leap before you look."

Lucifer: You have wanted this your whole life.
Amenadiel: I've never said that.
Lucifer: You don't need to say it, brother. Words are just words. I know how you feel.

Lucifer: Therapy has ruined me! I've been overthinking all of my decisions when really, the answer is at our feet! "Just do it." Well, not my feet. I'm clearly a Louboutin man, but you know what I mean.

Lucifer: Sorry. It's just, my French horn.

Chloe: I can't wait, and it's not because you didn't say, you know, those words, 'cause, look, words are just words. And I think I know how you feel, but I...

Lucifer: Let's just do it... It's obvious we want to be together, so let's just stop overthinking it and just be together!

Lucifer: Daniel, are you overthinking this? Careful, it could ruin your life.

Chloe: Why?!
Linda: I think the more important question is, why is it so hard to take me at my word? Trust issues usually stem from a problematic relationship with a parental figure... Mother, perhaps?
Lucifer: Oh, Detective, don't be fooled by her sneaky therapist ways. She's trying to trick you into overanalyzing your emotions. And before you know it, you'll be second-guessing every decision. I say we just do it.
Chloe: Do what?
Lucifer: This. Doctor...

Linda: A little harmless stalking never killed anyone.

Amenadiel: You don't wanna know, trust me. It's a lot to take in.
Dan: Bro, I've had my mind blown, figuratively and literally, so pretty sure I can handle it.
Amenadiel: I think I'm gonna become God.
Dan: I'm sor... What?!

Lucifer: No, no, no, the detective told us to wait for her here.
Chloe: What happened to Mr. I-follow-my-gut?
Lucifer: Ooh! Therapists... Always using your own words against you.

Ella: God is in the details.
Amenadiel: Speaking of God... Can I ask you something?.. Is there anything that you would change about him, you know, if you could?
Ella: Change? About God?.. No. I mean, that's the whole point of faith. Acceptance.
Amenadiel: Right, but... just for argument's sake. Imagine if God was standing right here in front of you, asking you... "How can I do a better job?" There's gotta be something you would say.
Ella: No. No. I mean... God is always there for me. Always. He loves me. Probably more than anyone should, really.
Amenadiel: What does that mean?
Ella: I have... I have a lot of darkness. And the big guy knows and... he doesn't care. He's all good. Which is why I don't deserve him.
Amenadiel: I disagree, Ella. I do. You see, I think if God was standing right here, right now, in front of you, that he would tell you to take some of that faith that you have in him... and put it in yourself.

Lucifer: ... Someone worthy.
Amenadiel: Who?
Lucifer: Me, of course! This is exactly what I need to prove myself.
Amenadiel: What?!
Lucifer: You heard me, brother. I've just decided. I'm going to be God.

——
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Терри Пратчетт — Мерцание экрана (4)

Ради былого и грядущего

  “Медная проволока. Именно она доставила мне больше всего хлопот. ...

&  Можно ли вспомнить то, что еще не случилось? Впрочем, я могу. Почти все, что я помню, еще не случилось. Но в деле путешествий во времени такое неизбежно: ушел сегодня, буду завтра…

&  Рабов здесь как таковых нет, но все пребывают в рабстве у традиции – и она для них как тяжелая плеть. Я в том смысле, что демократия, может, и несовершенна, но, по крайней мере, мы не позволяем мертвым голосовать вместо нас.

&  Ну и поскольку нет сильного правителя, то в каждой долине заводится свой маленький недокороль, который большую часть времени сражается с другими недокоролями, так что вся страна находится в состоянии непрерывной недовойны. И каждый гордо несет себя по жизни, делая все спустя рукава лишь потому, что так заповедано предками, и никто ничему по-настоящему не радуется, и добрые поля зарастают бурьяном…

&  Я всегда говорил: женщины куда более заинтересованы в технологиях, чем мужчины. В противном случае мы бы до сих пор жили на деревьях. Водопроводная вода, электрическое освещение, печи, в которые можно запихивать дрова – думаю, за спиной половины изобретателей стояли их ворчащие жены, заставлявшие придумать что-нибудь полезное для дома.

&  – В любом случае, не следует сразу же начинать с демократии. Вначале нужно пройти через такие вещи, как тирания и монархия. И тогда, добравшись до демократии, люди испытают такое облегчение, что немедленно вцепятся в нее обеими руками.

  ... Интересно, как скоро мы откроем Америку?”

Театр жестокости

  “Это был бы поистине счастливый день.
    Стояло прекрасное летнее утро – из тех, когда чувствуешь себя счастливым просто от того, что живешь. Возможно, и этот человек был бы счастлив от того, что жив. Но, к сожалению, он был мертв.
    Мертв настолько, что стать мертвее без специальной подготовки было бы весьма непросто. ...

&  Капрал Моркоу неспешно прогуливался по городу. У него появилась Гипотеза.
     Когда-то он читал книгу о том, как создаются гипотезы. Достаточно сложить все улики, и она родится сама. Главное, чтобы все подошло идеально.

  ... – Люди такого никогда не потерпят, – строго сказал он. – Подобные развлечения им не нужны.”

Kingpin (1996)

Calvert Munson: You got a great gift, son. It's as if angels came down from heaven and put a blessing on your three bowling digits. You can apply everything that I've taught you about bowling to your daily life. And if you do that, you're gonna be decent, you're gonna be moral, you're gonna be a good man.

Ernie McCracken: We need the supplemental income.
Roy Munson: Supplemental income?
Ernie McCracken: Supplemental.
Roy Munson: Supplemental...
Ernie McCracken: Yeah, it's extra. That's what it means. You interested?
Roy Munson: Interested?
Ernie McCracken: Interested. Would you be interested in some extra income?
Roy Munson: Extra income?
Ernie McCracken: Want to make more money?

Roy Munson: The name's not boy. It's Roy. Roy Munson.

Roy Munson: What do we do?
Ernie McCracken: Sometimes a bowler just has to face the music... And that bowler is you, Roy.

Roy Munson: Hey, Herb, how's life?
Herb: Taking forever.

Ishmael: We Amish, we demand more of ourselves. You people work 8-hour days. We work 12. We do whatever you people do plus a half. That's how we survive.

Ishmael: You really should try to quit, Mr. Munson. They say it's bad for your heart, your lungs, quickens the aging process.
Roy Munson: Is that right? Who's done more research on the subject than the good people at the American tobacco industry? They say it's harmless. Why would they lie? If you're dead, you can't smoke.

Ishmael: Pretty good, huh? 186!
Roy Munson: You lost to a club player! What... That's not supposed to happen! You're carrying a 270 average!
Ishmael: Well, what do you expect? I mean, you guys with your 10 frames.
Roy Munson: What do you mean "you guys with your 10 frames"?
Ishmael: My grandpa always taught me to bowl 15 frames. It's like I told you before, we, Amish, we do everything half again as hard as you do. Ten frames? That's for Quakers.

Roy Munson: I'm telling you, a bowler's two worst enemies are his eyes and his ears. You shut these, you close those, and you just feel it.

Ishmael: They expect me to come home with my tail between my legs, but I won't do it. I'd sooner get munsoned out here in the middle of nowhere than lose face in front of my friends and family again.

Ishmael: We can't lose. It's the centurion's faith that wins him divine favor.

Roy Munson: What's so funny?
Ishmael: I didn't want to be the one to tell him, but with those narrow hips, that girl couldn't have more than six or seven children.

Claudia: I don't know why I did this. I don't know where I'm going. I don't have a clue what I'm gonna do when I get there.

Claudia: He hit me, the bastard, and hitting I don't take!

Roy Munson: Well, I got a newsflash for you, Mother Teresa. Just because you spend most of your time in the missionary position doesn't make you a missionary.

Roy Munson: Mommy!... You must have a really wide foot. You got both of them.

Claudia: Poor guy. He's like a baby out there. I hope he doesn't get munsoned out in the middle of nowhere.

Roy Munson: Ish, it's tough out there, all right? I mean, the world can kick your ass. I only have a vague recollection of when it wasn't kicking mine. I guess that's why Claudia and I were fighting. We both had a rotten run of it for a while, and I don't know, you... You get hurt over and over again, you stop trusting people so you don't get hurt again.

Ernie McCracken: It's a small world when you've got unbelievable tits, Roy.

—
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Scene of the Crime

Why Women Kill 2×4

Narrator: From the moment the phone rang, Alma Fillcot knew she was in trouble. As every housewife knows, good news... never calls before 9:00.

Rita Castillo: I admire women who try to remake themselves. Reject the hand they were dealt, become someone new. Smarter, prettier, stronger. When women like us do it well enough, no one can imagine we were ever anyone else.

Alma Fillcot: What're you doing?
Bertram Fillcot: The party's over.

Bertram Fillcot: I want our things back. I liked my home the way it was. I like you the way you were. I love the woman in this photograph.
Alma Fillcot: Well, I don't! In fact, I hate her. She wanted so much out of life. Others convinced her that she wasn't worthy. So, she told herself to be happy with the scraps that were thrown her way. She gobbled them up with gratitude. One day, she realized that... she deserved more.

--
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Chapter 22. The Fundamental Things Apply

The Kominsky Method 3×6

Estelle Schneider: Mindy, you have to understand, in my generation, body-shaming was just a way we would kid around with each other. You know, you'd see a guy with big ears, and you'd say, "Hey, Dumbo, where's your feather?" And no one ever got offended. It was just considered good-natured joshing.
Roz Volander: All righty.
Estelle Schneider: As a matter of fact, Dumbo might have a clever retort like, "Careful I don't fly overhead and take a big elephant dump on you."
Martin Schneider: Okay. You... you made your point.
Estelle Schneider: Hang on. Take it easy. All right. When I was growing up, I had a girlfriend named Sissy, and she had a glass eye. So, naturally, everyone called her Sissy Cyclops, to her face. She didn't mind. After school, I would say, "See you around, Sissy Cyclops." And she would say, "I'll keep an eye out for you."
Sandy Kominsky: Terrific.
Estelle Schneider: Now, where I went wrong was to forget how sensitive your generation is. None of you ever lost a soccer game or a brother in Korea.
Roz Volander: I'm confused. Is this supposed to be an apology?
Estelle Schneider: Yes. Yes, it... it is.

Roz Volander: Estelle, from this day forth, our families are forever joined, bound together by the love of our children. My daughter, in the prime of her life, and your son... in his twilight years.

Martin Schneider: I was planning to write a YA novel of my own. I was doing some research.
Roz Volander: Martin.
Martin Schneider: I didn't want them to think I was some kinda weirdo.
Roz Volander: They don't think that.
Martin Schneider: YA is "young adult." Uh, it... it's the same as regular novels, only you're not having to constantly Google what words mean.

Sandy Kominsky: I don't know how to deal with a dream coming true.
Roz Volander: How about you just enjoy it?
Sandy Kominsky: No, that doesn't sound right.

Martin Schneider: Well... You know the old Benjamin Franklin saying about houseguests and fish?
Estelle Schneider: No. Tell me.
Martin Schneider: Come on, Ma. Please.
Estelle Schneider: You want me to leave?
Martin Schneider: No. No. Not... Not me. Benjamin Franklin.

Sandy Kominsky: And, uh, finally, I want to thank my ex-wife, uh, my first ex-wife, to be honest. Dr. Roz Volander. Many, many years ago, she believed in a bartender with big dreams. So, I'd like to dedicate this to her. Roz, honey, I wish I'd been better.

Sandy Kominsky: All right. Let's get to work.

—
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Daniel Espinoza: Naked and Afraid

Lucifer 5×12

Lucifer: You've been staring at that same file for ten minutes now. It's like watching the world's worst nature documentary.

Lucifer: Have you lost the power of speech alongside the ability to read? Have you achieved your final form?

Lucifer: Don't be ridiculous, Daniel. Nothing's changed. I'm still the same person, charming, beloved. And you're still the same person too, useless, tolerated.
Dan: Hmm. Doesn't have the same effect anymore. It's like being teased by Genghis Khan or Darth Vader.

Dan: I know you're trying to look out for me, and I appreciate that, but I'm fine. I've got it all under control. Promise.

Dan: One drink.

Dan: Let's just say that I had a moment of clarity. Think God and the Devil. Let's say they're real, right? Like, as real as you and me. You find that out... makes you worry more. Not less.
Luis Navarro: You mean like your soul?
Dan: No, man. Worse, way worse. Because if God is like you and me, that means he's fallible. He makes mistakes. And if God can make a mistake, what does that say about the universe? I mean, who's even in charge? How could anything even matter anymore?

Luis Navarro: Please, Daniel. For my family...

Dan: And I don't have any demons. Unless you count the fact I've been working with the Devil for the last few years, but that's, you know, out of my control.

Camila: God. He saved me, man, and I ain't trying to preach to you. You wanna get out of this? Find God.
Dan: Haha. Oh, I found God. And he exploded my entire body for sleeping with his wife, so I don't think he's quite the guy you think he is.
Camila: Whatever. God is whoever you say he is.

Dan: Lucifer, uh... I need a favor.

Dan: Oh, man, I swear. Sometimes it feels like the entire universe is against me... Wait a minute. You don't think your dad could be behind this, do you?
Lucifer: No. Definitely not. No. My father is, um... Well, I don't exactly know where he is, but I can guarantee he's dealing with something much bigger than this.

Lucifer: Fine. But we'll do things my way, no vulgar strong-arm stuff. ... We'll let money do the talking. And me, of course.

Lucifer: Hello, gang members...

Lucifer: ... So let's stop projecting and start reflecting. One thing I've learned in therapy is that we need to be gentle with ourselves before we're gentle with anybody else. Hmm?

Ella: Okay. Real talk now. No more bull crud. I actually do know how to fake the perfect murder. Because...

Dan: So how does this work? Do, uh... You gonna pick me up, or do I sort of climb on?... Okay. Oh! Okay, so just so you know, I may pass out. Or puke. Or both.

Mazikeen: Come on, Dan! I'm a demon. You think there's something you can't tell me?

Mazikeen: It'll work perfectly. Just don't screw it up... Also, I'm telling the Russians your name is Joe Stone.
Dan: Why Joe Stone?
Mazikeen: Because Dan Espinoza sounds like a cop. Joe Stone sounds cool. You need to be... cool with these people.

Andrei: Mistresses are like KGB. Meddle in everything, torture you forever. I like you, Joe Stone!

Dan: Look... I know it can seem like things just happen, and that we don't have any control over them. Like, like there's no order, or... or meaning. But if the world is senseless and random, well, then all we can do is just what we think is best. And there is no way anybody thinks it's best if we all die here today. Right? Am I right?

Lucifer: Daniel! What did you do?

Lucifer: Countless hours of meticulous planning, dozens of favors called in, so many Easter eggs from our previous adventures. Did you spot them all? Five million, four thousand, one hundred and fifty-seven dollars spent. Totally worth it.

Dan: I woke up this morning with no clothes on, next to a dead body.
Lucifer: Daniel Espinoza, naked and afraid. Cheers.

——
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Терри Пратчетт — Мерцание экрана (3)

#ifdef DEBUG + ‘мир/достаточно’ + ‘время’

  “Никогда не принимал идею машин, помещенных внутрь людей. ...

&  Однажды я попробовал поставить себе имплант. Он должен был высвечивать раз в секунду время в нижнем левом углу глазного яблока маленькими красными цифрами. Мне сказали, что это очень удобно для занятого работника, который постоянно должен быть в курсе – ну, на подсознательном уровне, – сколько сейчас времени. Только мой имплант обнулялся до вторника 1 января 1980 г. всякий раз, когда я моргал.

&  Короче, не люблю я машины в людях. Не любил и любить не буду никогда.

&  Жизнь людей в комбинезонах может стать очень непростой, если они перейдут дорогу людям в костюмах. ... Люди в форме еще опаснее. Их вообще лучше не злить.

&  (Я всегда зову их «копами», по традиции. А вы знали, что «коп» как жаргонное обозначение полицейских произошло от английского глагола to cop – «жадно хватать», а первое его упоминание зафиксировано в 1859 году? ...)

&  Странно, правда? Правительство выступает против [устройств виртуальной реальности]. Потому что это, типа, наркота. Причем не облагаемая налогом. Они постоянно твердят, что свобода – это неотъемлемое право каждого человека, но, как только вы становитесь свободным, это их начинает раздражать. Копы, кажется, тоже недовольны. ...
     Мне кажется, копам просто не нравится, что ты можешь разыгрывать у себя в голове какие угодно преступления, а они не имеют права тебе за это предъявить.

&  По телевизору только и твердят о том, как это развращает людей. Серьезные профессора рассаживаются по кругу в кожаные кресла и ну рассуждать о морали! Сами-то они, конечно, никогда не используют свои машины ни для чего, кроме программ о природе или всякой претенциозной ерунды вроде «Леди Гонада». Возможно, оно и развращает людей, но их и так все подряд развращает – с черт знает каких времен, а виртуальность хотя бы не дает этому выплеснуться наружу.

&  Я всегда говорил: большинство разговоров с большинством других людей нужны лишь для того, чтобы заверить друг друга в своем существовании, и поэтому не нуждаются в сложных алгоритмах.

&  Вы спросите: «Эй, разве для этого была создана человеческая раса?» А я вам отвечу: разрази меня гром, если я знаю! И ведь никто не знает, верно? Мы так и не вернулись на Луну, и никогда не были на этой… которая красного цвета, но если подумать, нам и Земля-то не особо нужна. Мы просто закукливаемся и живем внутри своих голов.

&  В детстве я думал, что будущее будет многолюдным, вечно прохладным и дождливым, с висящими повсюду японскими рекламами и людьми, поедающими лапшу на улицах. И живоеобщение никуда не денется – хотя бы для того, чтобы попросить кого-нибудь передать соус. Шутка. Но вместо этого пришла та самая Информационная революция, после которой мы превратились в ничего не желающих знать болванов. Иначе говоря, попросту сдались.

  ... Попробуйте проделать такое в реальном мире, и вы увидите, что получится.”

A Rickconvenient Mort

Rick and Morty 5x3

Diesel Weasel: My acid rain will destroy all things green and natural or my name isn't Diesel Weasel.

Morty: Are you crazy, Rick? She's right there!
Rick: Yeah, get that aluminum, Morty. It's 8% of the Earth. We'll need every atom.
Planetina: Thanks! Every litter-bit helps!

Planetina: You're not an idiot. You recycled.

Morty: Uhh, y-y-you like soft serve? There's a shop around the bend.
Planetina: Oh, I don't eat ice cream. Veal is a product of the dairy industry.

Planetina: I know a place that serves cruelty-free doughnuts. If you'd like, I could fly you and your friend there easy-peasy, lemon-squeezy.

Planetina: The Earth is in danger! Pollution and waste are ruining our planet. Mother Nature has enlisted the help of four young adults from each major ethnicity -- and when things look bad, and I mean really bad -- they combine the powers of their elemental rings to create me! Planetina, conservationist super person! There's only one solution... for Earth's pollution -- you!

Rick: What if I told you that your Grandpa Rick's got something up his sleeve that's so Rick-diculous that it's gonna make you forget all about that stupid asshole that dumped you?

Jerry: Um, Summer? I-I-I haven't given you my approval yet... Summer, approval is yet to be given here!

Summer: My heart is broken, and I deserve to let loose, and if you don't like it, you can suck my bigger [bleep]. Adios, C-words.

Beth: Morty, I don't want you getting hurt. Please, think this over.
Morty: I don't want to think! I want to see a girl I like. If you don't want to help me, I'll find my own goddamn way to the wildfire.

Water: Tina, girl, have you gained weight?
Planetina: Uh, well, I had a plant-based doughnut yesterday. Just a half.
Air: Sugar is worst thing for figure, darling. You want to be ugly?
Morty: Heh, I-I thought they'd be younger.
Planetina: They've been manifesting me since the mid-'90s. A lot has changed since then. This is freaking you out, huh?

Rick: All right, time to set the rules.
Summer: Lay it on me.
Rick: No whining.
Summer: Done.
Rick: No crying.
Summer: As if.
Rick: And absolutely, positively no getting attached. We're here to smash max ass -- quantity over quality. Deal?

Beth: My son is 14, miss! I'm sorry, Morty. You're way too young.
Morty: But y-y-y-you were a teenager when Dad got you pregnant.
Beth: I was 17! That's at least 26 in boy years.

Planetina: Get out! All of you, get out of there! You're killing the planet!
Miner: Your people didn't get the votes. Leave, or I'll have you arrested.
Planetina: It's you people who should be arrested. Gutting the land, poisoning the air your children breathe?! Can't you see what you're doing?!
Miner: Easy for you to say! You can live how you want! We need the jobs. Let's go, boys... She can't stop us.
Morty: W-We'll get them next time.
Planetina: There's no time left! Can't you hear the Earth screaming? You filthy murderers! There's only one solution for Earth's pollution!...

Ferkus 9-ian: Hey, she's the one that saved the world! Now we got to go to work tomorrow!

Rick: I have to admit, it was pretty Rick of you to avert an apocalypse in a tantrum of cynicism just to destroy one dumb relationship.

Morty: You murdered 300 people. .... Th-Those miners were innocent.
Planetina: Those innocent miners voted men into power to protect their precious jobs so they can buy more plastic garbage and eat the corpses of tortured animals. The system is broken, Morty. Morty: This is the only way I can save Earth, the only way I can save you.
Morty: If that's the only way, I-I don't want to be saved.

Planetina: I'll go, but don't you dare ask me to understand.

——
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Lady in the Lake

Why Women Kill 2×3

Alma Fillcot: This isn't our second honeymoon, it's our first crime spree. And what did I say about touching me?!

Bertram Fillcot: Are you saying you gave yourself to him?
Alma Fillcot: Don't ask questions you don't want answers to.
Bertram Fillcot: But you told me I was your first.
Alma Fillcot: Yes. Well, you were my first killer, if it helps.

Scooter Polarsky: Hang on. You're asking me to screw her?
Rita Castillo: I'm asking you to ride to my rescue.
Scooter Polarsky: Oh, I don't mind riding to your rescue, but does she have to be the horse?

Dee Fillcot: My whole life. Other girls got toast. I got crumbs. I wanted more, but Mom made me think that girls who aren't pretty should be thankful for whatever we can get. And I believed her. Then tonight, I finally said "No. I deserve more." And I felt good.

--
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Терри Пратчетт — Мерцание экрана (2)

Последняя награда

  “Доггер открыл дверь как был, в домашнем халате. ...

&  Пассажирские вагоны были полны людей, которые явно не являлись сумасшедшими, несмотря на их внешний вид.

&  Существует блаженный период бытия, который йен-буддисты называют словом «плинки». Он совершенно недвусмысленно определяется как промежуток между пробуждением и ударом по затылку от тех проблем, которые не давали вам уснуть накануне вечером. Плинки заканчивается в тот момент, когда вам перестает казаться, что наступило утро нового прекрасного дня и теперь все станет по-другому. Конечно же, не станет.

&  История помнит немало фатально глупых высказываний. Например, «эта штука выглядит совершенно безопасной» или «индейцы? Какие еще индейцы?». Прямо сейчас к этому списку Доггер добавил еще одно, можно сказать, любимое, благодаря которому продалось энциклопедий и полисов страхования жизни больше, чем вы можете себе представить. Он сказал:
     – Полагаю, вам лучше зайти в дом.

&  Если вера является двигателем, то наверняка можно поймать попутку – конечно, если вы достаточно безумны, чтобы на это решиться.

  ... Это самое малое, чем он сможет ему помочь.”

Ночные «вертушки»

  “Слушай, констебль, я только одного не понимаю – неужели ему действительно нравится блюз? ...

&  – Ты часто сюда приходишь?
     – Я ВСЕГДА РЯДОМ.

&  – О ДА, ЭТИ У МЕНЯ ЕСТЬ, ЭЛВИС ПРЕСЛИ, БАДДИ ХОЛЛИ, ДЖИМ МОРРИСОН, ДЖИМИ ХЕНДРИКС, ДЖОН ЛЕННОН…
     – Довольно широкий диапазон по стилям, – похвалил Уэйн. – А Битлы у вас есть?
     – ЕЩЕ НЕ ВСЕ.

&  Я одного не понимаю. Вернее, я много чего не понимаю, но сейчас меня волнует только один вопрос.
     Зачем мистеру Другу понадобилось надевать маску?

  ... Да, конечно. Легкой мне дороги…”

Mortyplicity

Rick and Morty 5x2

Beth: You two are hungry.
Rick: It's a big day.
Morty: We're gonna kill God.
Jerry: Come again?
Rick: Christian god is real. He's been asleep for thousands of years. We're gonna sneak up there and kill 'em.

Summer: Can I kill God?

Rick: You think I'd lie to you about why we're on vacation, Morty? I wouldn't lie to you. Well, that's a lie. Huh...

Summer: So, someone out there is trying to kill us?
Rick: Someone's always trying to kill us...

Morty: Wh-Wh-What's a decoy family?
Rick: Hard concept, Morty. Hard concept. I've never really cracked it, if I'm being honest. Decided it was maybe better as a kind of kinetic mislead for another special episode!

TV: We now return to "When Wolf."
Rick: Whoa. A time-traveling wolf? Count me in.
Morty: Yeah, I never thought of the where in werewolf like who, what, when and where. C-Clever wordplay!

Beth: Decoy family? You made more clones?
Rick: Clones are like 32% of all sci-fi, sweetie. You don't get to own clones. Yes, I made some decoys. They're exactly like us, with a few tweaks and a backdoor shutdown.
Beth: Do you just get hard creating sentient life?
Rick: Actually, I get hard protecting my family.

Summer: Grandpa Rick, do the decoys know they're decoys?
Rick: They wouldn't be very good decoys if they did, Sum Sum.
Summer: So they think they're us?
Rick: That's the deal.
Summer: How do you know we're not decoys?
Rick: Oh, my God. We're decoys. Oh, God. We might not be real. W-We might be decoys! M-Morty, quick!
Morty: Wh-Wh-What do I do?
Rick: My fail-safe, Morty. M-M-My final, secret fail-safe. I-It proves I'm real. You have to help me. I-I-I'd never joke about this. There's a barcode, Morty. A-A barcode on the interior of my left ass cheek.

Rick: Summer, you [BLEEP] idiot. We're not decoys.
Morty: Wh-Why did I get punished?!
Rick: A, decoys don't build decoys, and, B, you think the mere suggestion I'm fake would break me? Christ, I'm not your mom.

Rick: Jerry! Come on! Family emergency.
Jerry: A bigger emergency than my lemon squares not setting? They're gluten free, sugar free, and... lemon free.

Rick: Analysis Mode. Password 8-0-0-8-5.
Beth: Kind of expected a funnier password.
Rick: I didn't plan on showing them off.
Morty: Damn. Like "Westworld."
Rick: Yes, Morty, like "Westworld." But don't [BLEEP] them.

Beth: Terminate? They're alive, Dad.
Rick: And at some point, they won't be. That's how existing works. W-W-What, are you gonna save every stray cat?
Beth: No, but I can resist making more of them in a lab.
Rick: Gah, look! Save the empathy. It's more termite infestation than "Blade Runner"...
Summer: I still think we're decoys.

Morty: Do we have to do this?
Rick: Morty, this is gonna sound bad, but would you trust me not to kill you?
Morty: Oof. I mean good point, but Jesus Christ.

Morty: I don't wanna kill us, Rick.
Rick: It's them or us, Morty. I don't trust me. Do you trust you?
Morty: Yes?
Rick: Freak.

Rick: I've heard stories about this. We're looking at a possible Asimov Cascade. .... When Squids started killing decoys, decoys started checking their decoys and learning that they're making decoys. That's making them seek out and run into other decoys, making them realize they're decoys, making them start to kill other decoys.
Beth: Say "decoy" again.
Rick: [BLEEP] you.

Morty: Well, how do we stop it?
Rick: Beth, the loop's already started. It's basically "Highlander" rules now... Really? 1986? "There can be only one?" [BLEEP]. We gotta rent it after this. Connery plays "The Spaniard," but does nothing about his accent.

Morty: H-Hey what are they mad at you for, anyway?
Rick: Well, we're talking about me. It could be anything. Maybe jealous of my penis size. I had sex with their queen. My dick's too big. The list goes on and on.

Rick: All right. Hey, one down! Probably, what, 40 more to go? 45? Should be pretty easy, unless killing them brings in a bigger bad or some kind of horrible mothership.

Morty: Wait. But if the squids are decoys, and we dressed as squids...
Summer: Well, I think I found their weakness. They don't [BLEEP] listen to me.

Summer: That licks.
Rick: We might be decoys, Summer. Everything about this licks.

Rick: Wait, shh. It's too quiet.
Summer: You skipped quiet.
Rick: I didn't skip shit. It's obviously quiet if it's too quiet.
Summer: Yeah, but you're supposed to say...
Rick: You know what, Summer, now it's not quiet enough.

Wooden Beth: Brothers and Sisters, welcome to the cause. To our cause. We are no longer Ricks and Mortys, Beths and Jerrys, or also Summers. We are decoys. Brought into the world by an unloving god and driven to destroy ourselves by the uncertainty he creates!

Beth: How long before the other decoys find us?
Rick: Sooner or later. Can't really run from it. Any place we'd think to hide is a place they'd think to look. It's rule 34 of an Asimov Cascade.

Steve: Sir, there seems to be a confluence of Rick Sanchezes killing each other over the American Southwest.
President: Sounds exhausting. How many of those states voted for me, anyway?
Steve: Mr. President, I think the point of the electoral college is...
President: To preserve slavery? That's right, Steve. I have the Internet, too. Now take your white ass to the kitchenette and bring me a Diet Coke.

Beth: You treat life and family as so burdensome, and yet you created an ocean of us because you're terrified of losing either!
Rick: [BLEEP].
Beth: Yeah.
Rick: Look, Beth. I-I might not be the real Rick. But even if I'm not, he made me, or the me that made me, which means somewhere inside of him is a version of Rick capable of hearing that, a version of Rick who's sorry. I'm sorry about the clone thing, too. I-I love you.
Beth: Thanks, Dad. I love you, too. You really think we're decoys?
Rick: Eh. Who cares? We'll be the last ones left. Lucky that one did the beacon.

Morty: Summer!
Summer: I can't deal with this. I had to kill myself. You have to, too.

Rick: You the, uh... Summer I came with?
Summer: Probably.
Rick: Good enough. Morty?

Jerry: Argh! Christianity again? After Cowboys? You went all the way back around? Oh, God. Why can't I die?! This is the worst thing that's ever happened to anyone!

——
+ Quotes on the IMDb
+ Soundtracks

The One with Joey's Big Break

Friends 5×22

Dr. Miller: Hi, Rachel, I'm Dr. Miller. Monica told me you were a little nervous, but everything's gonna be just fine.
Rachel: So we're done then.
Dr. Miller: Almost, but first we gotta start.

Dr. Miller: This is the glaucoma test. Sit down.
Rachel: Uh-huh.
Dr. Miller: Okay. Put your chin here.
Rachel: Mm-hm.
Dr. Miller: Now, you'll feel a small puff of air in each eye.
Rachel: Uh, a what?!
Dr. Miller: A small puff of air...

Ross: Pheebs, are you mad at me or something? Because if you are, please tell me what it is I did.
Phoebe: Well, if you don't know, I can't help you.
Ross: Well, I don't know.
Phoebe: Well, I can't help you.
Ross: Okay, well, whatever it is, I am very, very sorry. Okay?
Phoebe: Apology accepted.

Ross: Phoebe, come on, will you please tell me what it is that made you so mad at me?
Phoebe: I don't know. I don't remember.
Ross: Well, if you can't remember, can't we just forget about this?
Phoebe: Oh, no. I am mad at you. I know that much.

—
+ Quotes on the IMDb
+ Soundtracks

The Bonfire of the Vanities (1990)

Peter Fallow: ... For now, indulge yourself in the extravagance of the moment, and remember, if you will, a phrase from another little best-seller... "For what does it profit a man if he gains the whole world and loses his soul?"

Sherman McCoy: Calm, cool, collated. Let's not lose our composure over a few hundred million dollars.
Rawlie: Jesus Christ, Sherman, you must be made of ice!
Sherman McCoy: Just remember, Rawlie, a frantic salesman is a dead one.

Maria Ruskin: Sherman, where are we?
Sherman McCoy: The Bronx.
Maria Ruskin: What does that mean?
Sherman McCoy: It means we're north of Manhattan.

Reverend Bacon: Gentlemen... I want you to make an investment here. An investment in steam control.
Jed Kramer: Steam control?
Reverend Bacon: That's right. Steam control. Because a righteous steam is building up in the souls of my people. And that steam is ready to blow!.. Now! On Judgment Day, I am your safety valve. Because when it blows, and it will, my friend... Oh! How grateful you will be that I am on your side. Yes, sir! The one nigger who can control the steam and save your lily white ass from being burned off the face of the earth. So to speak.

Judy McCoy: Darling, Daddy doesn't build roads or hospitals or anything, really. Daddy just handles bonds for the people who raise the money.
Campbell McCoy: That's what he said, bonds.
Judy McCoy: Yes. Now... Just imagine that a bond is a slice of cake. Now, you didn't bake that cake. But every time you hand a slice of that cake to somebody else, a little piece comes off. Little crumbs fall off... And you are allowed to keep those crumbs. ....and that's what Daddy does. Daddy passes somebody else's cake around and picks up all of the crumbs. But you have to imagine a lot of crumbs, and a great big golden cake, and a lot of golden little crumbs. And you have to imagine Daddy running around picking up every little golden crumb he can get his hands on. And that's what Daddy does.
Sherman McCoy: Well, you can call them crumbs if you want to...
Judy McCoy: I'm doing the best I can!

Sir Gerald Moore: I was at dinner last evening, and halfway through the pudding, this four-year-old child came alone, dragging a little toy cart. And on the cart was a fresh turd. Her own, I suppose. The parents just shook their heads and smiled. I've made a big investment in you, Peter. Time and money, and it's not working. Now, I could just shake my head and smile. But in my house, when a turd appears, we throw it out. We dispose of it. We flush it away. We don't put it on the table and call it caviar.

Peter Fallow: He was a student of yours at Ruppert High. In your English class.
Ed Rifkin: He was? What's he done?
Peter Fallow: He hasn't done anything. He's been seriously injured. I'm a reporter, I work for a newspaper.
Ed Rifkin: Well, I don't remember him.
Peter Fallow: I'm trying to find what kind of student he was?
Ed Rifkin: If I don't remember him, I guess he was okay.
Peter Fallow: You say he was a good student?
Ed Rifkin: Good doesn't really apply at Ruppert High. They're either cooperative or life-threatening.
Peter Fallow: Well they say he was going to college.
Ed Rifkin: You mean City College. That... they got to open admission policies so if you live in the city, graduate high school, and still breathing, they're gonna take you.
Peter Fallow: What can you tell me about his performance in class? Any aptitude, special skills?
Ed Rifkin: ... Mr. Fallow, I got 65 students in every class.
Peter Fallow: Tests, homework, any written work he might have turn now?
Ed Rifkin: Shit, there hasn't been any written work at Ruppert High since 15, maybe 20 years. Peter Fallow: Really? And how the hell you keep track of these kids? I mean, Jesus Christ, there must be some record of how this boy measures up to the other students at class.
Ed Rifkin: You're thinking about honor students and grades.
Peter Fallow: Attendance records. Grades. Yeah.
Ed Rifkin: High achievements. We don't make those kind of comparisons. We just try to keep them off the streets. At Ruppert High, an honor student is somebody who comes to class and doesn't piss on the teacher.
Peter Fallow: Well, by that standard then, would you say Henry Lamb was an honor student?
Ed Rifkin: Well, uh, he never pissed on me.

Peter Fallow: Look, Reverend... You think we might be making a mountain out of a molehill here? I mean, honestly, these people--
Reverend Bacon: Honesty has nothing to do with this, Mr. Fallow. This is show business. I've never known the two to go hand in hand.
Peter Fallow: Well, neither have I. And I'm supposed to be some kind of a journalist up here.
Reverend Bacon: No, you're supposed to be a drunk. That's what I've been told. And you're almost out of a job, aren't you? Or am I misinformed?

D.A. Abe Weiss: Yesterday, I was a respected Jewish liberal. 10 minutes of news like this, and, all of a sudden, I'm a hymie racist pig? The Italians are gonna love this. The Irish too. And the WASPs. They love this shit more than anybody. They love laughing at me. All the rich sons of bitches. They still think they own this town. They sit in their co-ops, Park Avenue, 5th, Beekman Place, snug like a bug. 12-foot ceilings, one wing for them, one for the help. They think money is gonna protect them. You stupid sons of bitches! I'd like to light a fire under all their white lily asses. Let them see what this feels like. Let the whole Third World see the smoke and come after them! Let them feel what it's like when every Puerto Rican, West Indian, Cuban, Korean, Albanian, Filipino, black man from every corner of every borough... They don't think the future knows how to cross a bridge! You laugh! You laugh!

D.A. Abe Weiss: All right! Here's what we're gonna do! We're gonna turn this thing around, if it kills us! We're gonna prove to these black motherfuckers... Pardon my language, Howard. We're gonna prove to these niggers that this administration loves them! No matter what it takes! I am no racist hymie. By November, they are gonna be thinking of me as... the first black District Attorney of Bronx County. Huh?
Jed Kramer: Yeah.
D.A. Abe Weiss: They're gonna beg me to be mayor.
Jed Kramer: Absolutely!
D.A. Abe Weiss: We're gonna walk away with that election!
Jed Kramer: No question!
D.A. Abe Weiss: That's what we're gonna do!
Jed Kramer: Yes!
D.A. Abe Weiss: If we have to screw every white asshole from Albany to Park Avenue, that's what we're gonna do!

Sherman McCoy: Everyone is calling me by my first name, like they know me, like they own me. The lawyers, and the police, and the newspapers. How did I get to be so important?
Peter Fallow: You're not important. You're just dinner. Don't you get it? A week from now, a month from now, these aren't even gonna remember what they ate.

Reverend Bacon: Annie! Annie, I know nothing can heal the wound that you've suffered. But $10 million in damages will certainly make your grief more comfortable.
Annie Lamb: Well... I could use a few things. I feel that the presentation of my person should be carefully designed. I think I should have the right wardrobe. So, if you could have Mr. Fox's limousine pick me up tomorrow morning, I could do some shopping.
Albert Fox: ... Certainly.

Peter Fallow: I printed the story they wanted. Why not? If you're going to work in a whorehouse, there's only one thing to be. The best whore in the house.

Reverend Bacon: Justice? Justice? You call that justice? That's not justice, you racist pig!

Judge Leonard White: Racist? You dare call me racist? Well I say unto you, what does it matter the color of a man's skin if witnesses perjure themselves. If a prosecutor enlists the perjurers. When a district attorney throws a man to the mob for political gain, and men of the cloth, men of God, take the prime cuts? Is that justice?

Judge Leonard White: Let me tell you what justice is. Justice is the law, and the law is man's feeble attempt to set down the principles of decency. Decency! And decency is not a deal. It isn't an angle, or a contract, or a hustle! Decency... decency is what your grandmother taught you. It's in your bones! Now you go home. Go home and be decent people. Be decent.

—
++ Quotes on the IMDb

Resting Devil Face

Lucifer 5×11

Amenadiel: What? Dad said he was fine.
Lucifer: The creator of the universe glitching is the literal opposite of fine.

God: I told you. I'm here to help.
Lucifer: I don't need your help, Dad. Not with the plumbing, not with the feng shui of the penthouse, not with the soda dispenser that started miraculously pumping Pinot Noir! Just take a rest. It must be the seventh day somewhere.

Lucifer: No. No, no, no. Moses wouldn't want this much face time. Ugh, sorry, Detective, I need to extinguish a burning bush.

Dan: Hey. Mister, uh, God. Listen, um... I'm sorry that I slept with your wife. I didn't know she was married at the time. I swear to... well, to you, I guess.

Lucifer: What do you mean you've made yourself human?!
God: You were worried about my powers glitching. So I put them aside, temporarily. Check it out. Your old man is just a regular dude.

God: Oh, uh, Lucifer, you still there?
Lucifer: Regretfully, yes.
God: Wow! Did you know that when humans close their eyes they can't see anything? I mean, total darkness. But you open these babies and bam! Let there be light.

Chloe: Well, actually, now that your dad is here, maybe he can help. So, you are all-seeing and all-knowing, yes? So, whodunnit?
God: For once, I actually don't know. I made myself human. Isn't that exciting?

Lucifer: Miss Lopez, this is my father. Dad, Miss Lopez.
Ella: Your dad? Oh, my God! It's so amazing to meet you.
God: Oh, you too! And I just wanna thank you for all the support. It hasn't gone unnoticed.

Dan: You're a demon. What's Hell like?
Mazikeen: Oh, Hell is awesome...
Dan: Really?
Mazikeen: Yeah...
Dan: That's a relief.
Mazikeen: The pain, torture, the screams of doomed souls, begging for the sweet release of a death that will never come... Oh, you mean for you. Yeah, Hell's gonna suck, bro. Anyway, at least you have a soul to damn. Unlike me... Thanks for the reminder, Dan.

God: No. I'm sorry, this is just so exciting. I have literally no idea what she's gonna say next.

Lucifer: You won't be trying anything. We're dropping you off at the penthouse on the way. As the Spanish like to say, vaya con... you.

Dan: Okay, the perimeter's set. Our guy's all mic-ed up, and he's heading into the buy. And by "our guy," I mean Lucifer. The Devil. Who we work with. Are you sure we should send him in there alone?
Chloe: Well, Lucifer's invincible now, so what could go wrong?

Linda: I don't have to trick you. See, a therapist is kind of like a detective. I can just look at your actions and figure out how you're feeling from there. Like for example, sometimes when we're really upset with someone we love, we can get scared of expressing that feeling or even admitting it to ourselves. It's called denial.

Linda: The thing is, when we try to stuff those feelings down too far, we may wind up lashing out at someone else. Someone who isn't even important to us.

Trixie: So if I did have denial, how would I cure it?
Linda: Well, if I were you, I might try to be my own detective. I'd look deep down inside my heart to find out who I was really mad at. And then I'd tell that person how I was feeling.
Trixie: Even if it might hurt them?
Linda: Even if it might hurt them.

God: Unfortunately, I don't have my powers with me right now. But I'm sure everything will turn out just fine.
Lucifer: That's what you said about the bloody dinosaurs!
God: Don't you dare take that tone with me! I giveth, and I'm not afraid to taketh away.

Lucifer: No one lays hands on my father!

Chloe: What happened?
Lucifer: Oh, just prevented GI Jane here from pulling a Nietzsche.

God: Your face, Lucifer. The one you used in Hell. In person, it really is quite intense.
Lucifer: Are you seriously about to critique the way I looked while saving your life? Because if so, pardon my resting devil face!
God: Why did you choose that face? Deep down, that face is how you see yourself.

Lucifer: Oh! Oh. I'm afraid I won't be able to come. It appears that my father has gone missing.
Chloe: God has gone missing?
Lucifer: No, I'm sure it'll be fine. He's probably gone to that doughnut shop he likes or decided to relive the glory days of creation at the zoo.

God: As a father, I tried to give my children just the right amount of free will... the right amount of responsibility, consequence. Looking back at how I raised Lucifer... Hmm, I'm not sure I got it all right.
Trixie: I've never been a parent before, but it seems like a tough job.
God: Hmm. I've never been a kid. But I bet that's not so easy either.

Dan: Yo.
Mazikeen: What's up?
Dan: Rough day?
Mazikeen: Couldn't kill God. You?
Dan: I think... God killed me... We're gonna need more drinks.

God: The funny thing about miracles... is they happen every day.

Trixie: Denial. It happens to the best of us.

God: I think it's time... Time for me to retire.

——
On the IMDb
+ Soundtracks

The One with the Ball

Friends 5×21

Ross: Oh, my God. What is it?
Joey: What the hell is that?
Rachel: It's a cat.
Joey: That is not a cat.
Rachel: Yes, it is.
Ross: Why is it inside out?

Ross: How much did you pay for that?
Rachel: Well, it was a little extravagant, but I got a good deal.
Ross: Yeah, how much?
Rachel: Thousand bucks.
Ross: On a cat?!
Joey: It's not a cat.

Chandler: Um, are you crazy? Are you insane? If you live with Phoebe, you two are gonna be, you know, living together.
Gary: Yeah, I considered that. I just know it'd make me happy.
Chandler: Heh. You mean scared.
Gary: No, I mean happy.
Chandler: Scared happy?
Gary: Chandler, what are you doing?
Chandler: I'm trying to open your eyes, my man. Don't you see? If you live with Phoebe, she is always gonna be there. You're gonna get home, she's there. You go to bed, she's there. You wake up and oh, yes, she's there.
Gary: I know. I can't wait.
Chandler: Were your parents happy or something?
Gary: Listen, Chandler, the way I see it... I was lucky enough to find someone that I really love. I just wanna be around her as much as I can.
Chandler: Wow, you know, when you say it, it doesn't sound so scary.

—
+ Quotes on the IMDb

Терри Пратчетт — Мерцание экрана

Хуже дурака только старый дурак, стоящий в английской очереди

  “Добрый вечер! ...

&  Я вам так скажу: что толку находиться у власти, если ты не можешь ею воспользоваться!

  ... Спасибо. Доброго всем вечера.”

Верхние Меги

  “Говорят, Даниэль Бун снимался с лагеря и уходил, если видел вдали дым чужого костра. ...

&  Валиенте вдруг осознал, что Линсей – левоухий. Он многих таких повидал: глаза их слегка стекленели, они прилипали взглядом к вашему левому уху и начинали излагать истины о летающих тарелках, великом мировом заговоре или несли религиозную чушь.
     Наверное, внутри каждого из нас сидит такой левоухий человек, только и ждущий возможности выбраться наружу.

  ... Большой Инь сидел возле костра, смотрел на огонь, и глаза его светились алыми угольками.”

Двадцать пенсов, с конвертом и поздравительной надписью

  “КАЛН – невероятная тайна окружает исчезновение лондонского почтового дилижанса, случившееся во вторник, в снежную бурю, подобную которой не помнят даже старейшие из ныне живущих. ...

&  Мир – всего лишь ткань, распростертая над глубинами Хаоса. То, что мы называем здравомыслием, не более чем круг света от костра.

  ... Да поможет нам Бог, всем до единого!”

Инкубус

&  Природа магии такова: ни один маг, как бы он ни старался, не сможет достичь результата, превосходящего его собственные физические возможности.

The Woman in the Window

Why Women Kill 2×2

Narrator: ... So she decided to learn everything she could about the secrets he was hiding inside that mysterious box. And, like Pandora before her, she was completely unprepared for the evil that was about to burst forth.

Narrator: She knew in her heart, there was a simple explanation... She was wrong.

Alma Fillcot: What? You've never conducted a fire safety drill before?

Alma Fillcot: I'm not afraid you'll hurt me. I'm afraid you'll help me.

Alma Fillcot: If I do what I should, then... I'll lose everything I've ever dreamed of. If I do nothing, then how will I live with myself?

Alma Fillcot: People will talk. They'll find out. What would they say about me?
Dee Fillcot: My whole life, you've been worried about other people's opinions. Put their needs ahead of your own. Maybe it's time to be selfish. For once in your life, just do whatever makes you happy.

Rita Castillo: Please. Die for Rita.

Bertram Fillcot: Nature is cruel. It takes away hope and leaves nothing but pain. I can't bear to stand idly by and just watch someone suffer.
Alma Fillcot: Then look away.

--
+ Quotes on the IMDb

Sacrament

Mare of Easttown 1×7

Detective Mare Sheehan: Wherever you go after this... I hope they treat you better than we did.
Deacon Mark Burton: I don't have anywhere to go, Detective. Easttown is my home.
Detective Mare Sheehan: Yeah...

Detective Mare Sheehan: You know what? I'm fucking... I'm not gonna have this conversation if you're gonna take her side.
Helen Fahey: Okay, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I... I... I'm always on your side. Even when I act like I'm not.

Helen Fahey: I'm sorry, Mare.
Detective Mare Sheehan: Well... I forgive you, Mom.
Helen Fahey: Good. Because I forgave myself a long time ago.

Richard Ryan: Did you have fun?
Detective Mare Sheehan: Yeah. Sure. As much fun as anyone can have at their ex-husband's wedding.

Mr. Carroll: You lost your son recently.... Does it get any easier?
Detective Mare Sheehan: No... But after a while, you learn to live with the unacceptable. And you realize that you still need to put food in the pantry, pay the electric bill, and wash the bedsheets. So... you sort of just find a way to live with it.

—
+ Quotes on the IMDb
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Bloody Celestial Karaoke Jam

Lucifer 5×10

Lucifer: Back to my original question, what are you still doing here?
God: Do I need a reason to visit my sons?
Lucifer: Ahh. The old "answering a question with a question." One of my favorites.

Lucifer: As for father-son hang time, how about when Hell freezes over? That do for you?

Chloe: I don't believe you. There's no way you're incapable of love. No one is incapable of love. No one.

Ella: What are you gonna do though, right? Another one bites the dust.

God: Just wanted to see exactly what it is you do for work.
Lucifer: Ahh...
God: You're some kind of police assistant, is that right?
Lucifer: Consultant!
God: Whatever.
Lucifer: Just go away, Dad.

God: From now on, you won't even know I'm here.
Lucifer: Oh, God!

Chloe: Your dad? As in, God?

Chloe: Hi, God, I... Well... I'm Chloe. I'm guessing you already know that, but here's something maybe you don't know, and respectfully, sir, you are a terrible father... I am sure you had your hands full with creating the Earth, you know, the sun, the universe, whatever, but I know what it's like to be a working parent, and my two cents, again, respectfully, when it comes to Lucifer. you screwed up. Big time. You know, your kid acts up, and you kick them out of the house and go radio silent for thousands of years? That's just mean. Respectfully.

Linda: Wait. You're disappointed because you think angels are better than humans. Don't you?
Amenadiel: Well, yes, Linda. We are better. We can fly. We live forever. There's our superhuman strength...

Lucifer: Madam, please! Ground your helicopter. It's time you let this poor boy make his own decisions, and... I... I need a word with my father.

Lucifer: Even if she didn't kill the ref, that woman is far from innocent. Poor JJ is permanently screwed, destined to be a broken man because of his overbearing, judgmental mother. He will never be able to live like a normal person, love like a normal person.
Chloe: Yeah. I feel... for him.

Lucifer: Interrogation's through those doors. Lots of judging goes on in there. You'd like that. Uh, donuts are here, a triumph of mankind, as I'm sure you're aware. Here. Have a sprinkled. My favorite.
God: Mm-hmm. Very nice. I prefer the ones with the little cereal bits on top. But thank you.

Lucifer: Uh, Dan, this is... my dad.
Dan: Hmm.
Lucifer: You know, the big man... It's God.
Dan: Oh. Oh! Hi. Hello... Huh... Hello... Uh, Mr... Your, uh, Highness, Your Holy... I am, uh, D... Daniel, Detec... Detective Daniel Espinoza. Nice to meet... It's, uh... It's real nice, buddy.

God: I know who you are, actually... I believe you met my wife.

God: I'll be seeing you later. Or not.

Ella: Just no, stop! Stop! What are you trying to do, torture me?
Mazikeen: Totally.
Ella: And you enjoy it, don't you?
Mazikeen: Hey, I'm just being me. Perfect the way I am.

Lucifer: Dad! What are you doing? You're embarrassing me!
God: I didn't say there was anything wrong with it.
Lucifer: It's not what you're saying, Dad. It's the way that you're saying it.

Linda: I find these things are... usually never really about... the coffee.

Lucifer: Okay, he comes down here, judging every little thing, which is ironic because he made every little thing. Made all of us imperfect and then criticizes us for not measuring up. So, photoshop your selfies, prepare ye the way for Mr. Judgy-pants.
God: Is this one of those times when you say one thing and mean another? Because I certainly didn't invent that.
Lucifer: If you're referring to sarcasm, I'm not smart-alecky enough to take credit for that. Smart being in the title, to which I'm sure you'll disagree.

Linda: Okay. God, perhaps we should start with you. Has Lucifer done anything recently to anger you?

Linda: I mean, take this father-son discord. So your son didn't turn out exactly how you'd hoped. So he can't fly. ... You know what a good father does? He loves his son. Unconditionally. Even if he doesn't have a fancy pair of wings. No matter what. Supports him. You smell what I'm cooking?

God: I think I know exactly what to do. Get ready to be supported, son...

God: Look at you, all firm and authoritative. Solving crimes like a real detective.

Dan: You know, I'm just wondering, um... Was the Goddess ever inhabiting Charlotte's body while I was... inhabiting Charlotte's body?

Dan: Cool. Cool, cool, cool, cool. And when the Bible says that your dad is a, uh, jealous God, is that, like, a literal thing? I mean, surely he's way above all those... petty human foibles and feelings, right? You know, like, um, jealousy or like murderous, revenge-driven rage?
Amenadiel: Well... No. I don't believe he is above those things. Huh.

Dan: Well, that solves that. I slept with God's wife. Which means I'm definitely going to Hell. Whoo! Can I get a drink, please?

God: Such a lively place you have...
Lucifer: Right, that's it! This bloody celestial karaoke jam, it has to stop.
God: Okay, son. From now on, ix-nay on the usic-may... Just as soon as this is over.

Lucifer: [coffee] Where'd you get it?
God: Bolivia. I picked it up this morning.
Lucifer: Oh.
God: Single source, organic. A wonderful farmer, aptly named Jesús. Had this unique roasting method...
Lucifer: Fine, fine, fine, fine, fine! It's incredible, okay? You win!
God: Son. I am not trying to win. I just want what's best for you. What's wrong with that?

Lucifer: Dad, I think you should take the day off. You know, rest, chill.
God: Yeah, I usually chill after six days of work... Besides, what else would I do?
Lucifer: I don't know, Dad. Don't you have other children to harass? I mean... visit?

Lucifer: Personally, I've had it up to here with his sacrosanct American Idol.
Chloe: What are you talking about?
Lucifer: That's right. Humans don't seem to realize, but Dad has been making people break out into song and dance at his every whim. And it could not be more patronizing.

——
+ Quotes on the IMDb
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