Nathaniel Gets the Message!

Crazy Ex-Girlfriend 3×9

Rebecca: I'm happy, but it's not real.

♪ 10,000 hours in anything ♪
♪ Makes you an expert ♪
♪ And I've spent way more time than that frettin' over guys ♪
♪ I've got a BFA, an MFA ♪
♪ And a PhD in obsession ♪
♪ And now I find myself ♪
♪ Wondering why ♪

♪ Without love ♪
♪ You can save the world ♪
♪ Save the world ♪

Josh: Who talks on the phone? What, are you like a hundred?

Rebecca: Yes! Hooray! Get excited! This is kismet, this is bashert. That's Jew for kismet. I'm in!

Valencia: Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope. You move, you die.

Father Brah: Oh, I am not Father tonight. Tonight you will call me Daddy.

White Josh: Sorry, dude.
Nathaniel: Damn it! I ate a banana. Why do they put bananas in the fruit section? They should be in the candy section. I'm a candy-eating child!

♪ 'Cause fit, hot guys have problems, too ♪

Darryl: You know why they call it beginner's luck?.. Because it doesn't work the second time you try it.

Darryl: What's up with you? You don't look so hot yourself.
Rebecca: It's the usual. I'm just, I'm broken and terrible. It turns out I'm not only good at ruining my own life, I'm really good at... ruining other people's lives.

--
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Fog of War

The Bletchley Circle: San Francisco 1×7

Iris: Uh, g-gentlemen, we've devised a mechanism that brings efficient encryption to business communications, international communiqués, and a growing number of wealthy men who want private conveyances. Now, as long-distance wire communication grows, so too does the need for privacy.

Deborah Mitchell: Well, at least this new Vietnam business is short-term.
Dennis: Or so they say...
Alan Mitchell: Oh, it's true. They'll be done training the Southern forces and back home in a month.

Deborah Mitchell: Now, from what I've heard, the Big Bop's an integrated club?... Well, then... I look forward to paying a visit.

Iliya Sokolov: What savage Cossack pollute vodka with ice?
Hailey: What yahoo turns up his nose at free drinks?

---

Det. Bryce: The Soviet Consul General died last night.
Millie: Why else do you think I'm here?
Det. Bryce: I'd hoped otherwise.

Millie: Come now, Bill. I'm gonna need a little tit for my tat.
Det. Bryce: Like what?
Millie: Like a trip to the morgue?
Det. Bryce: Such a romantic.

Millie: Vy ne mozhete izbezhat' sud'by. As the Russians say... "you cannot escape your fate."

Jean: Oh, you know me. I was always one for puzzles, riddles...
Nigel Beemisch: International calamities?...

Nigel Beemisch: I look at those digits, and all I can see is a telephone number.
Jean: Well, I look at telephone numbers, and all I see are cryptic ciphers.

Jean: Who's even to say it was a cipher?
Mr. Zuyev: Well, as no doubt you've learned, that, uh, everything is code for something else.

--
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Терри Пратчетт — Поддай пару! (7/7)

<< Ранее

&  Мокристу всегда нравилось, что, если насмешить клиента, то его деньги, считай, у тебя в кармане.

&  – Понимаете, вот в чем проблема. Если столько времени питаться одной ненавистью, выплюнуть ее будет очень сложно.

&  Плох тот король, который убивает своих подданных. Я предпочитаю увидеть их скорее раздавленными, чем мертвыми.

&  – Боюсь, вы проявляли к ним слишком много понимания в последнее время, сэр. Как ни прискорбно это признавать, но я пришел к выводу, что если вы продолжите подставлять им другую щеку, они так и будут бить вас по лицу.

&  – Как бы мы ни презирали слово «политика», одним из наиболее полезных ее аспектов является прекращение кровопролития.

&  Альбрехтсону сейчас было почти жаль Ардента. Ты можешь годами жить в отрицании, но однажды оно извернется, подобно змее, и нанесет удар.

&  – Ты должен понять, что дело не в гномах, не в человеческой расе, и не в троллях. Дело в людях. И поэтому чертов лорд Ветинари всегда побеждает. В Анк-Морпорке ты можешь быть, кем хочешь, и иногда над тобой будут смеяться, а иногда – аплодировать тебе, но чаще всего, что самое прекрасное, им просто на тебя наплевать. Понимаешь? Гномы увидели свободу. А эту штуку не так просто забыть.

&  – Ох, ну перестаньте. Здесь что-то происходит, и я не понимаю, что. Не заставляйте меня делать собственные выводы. У меня слишком бурная фантазия.

&  Как говаривал Его Светлость: если принять достаточно мер предосторожности, вам не придется принимать мер предосторожности.

  ... Мир меняется, и ему нужны пастыри, а иногда и мясники. Ваше предприятие было замечено. И все, что можно на это сказать: а что дальше? Какая маленькая вещица изменит мир потому, что маленькие изобретатели продолжают мастерить?..”

>> Пастушья корона (Плоский мир — 41)

Reservoir Dogs (1992)

Mr. Brown: Let me tell you what Like a Virgin's about...

Mr. White: Listen, buddy. You go ahead and be scared. You've been brave enough for one day.

Mr. White: Listen to me. You're gonna be fine. Along with the kneecap, the gut is the most painful area a guy can get shot in.
Mr. Orange: No shit!
Mr. White: But it takes a long time to die from it. I'm talkin' days. You're gonna wish you were dead. But it takes days to die from your wound. Time is on your side.

Mr. Pink: This is bad. This is so fucking bad. Is it bad?
Mr. White: As opposed to good?

Mr. Pink: Did you kill anybody?
Mr. White: A few cops.
Mr. Pink: No real people?
Mr. White: Just cops.

Mr. Pink: We ain't taking him to a hospital.
Mr. White: If we don't, he'll die!
Mr. Pink: And I'm very sad about that, but some fellas are lucky, and some ain't.

Mr. Blonde: Guess what? I think I'm parked in the red zone.

---

Holdaway: Now, the things you gotta remember are the details. It's the details that sell your story. Now, this particular story takes place in a men's room. So you gotta know all the details about the men's room. You gotta know if they got paper towels or a blower to dry your hands with. You gotta know if the stalls ain't got no doors or not, man. You gotta know if they got liquid soap or that pink, granulated powdered shit... they used to use in high school, remember? You gotta know if they got hot water or not; if it stinks; if some nasty, low-life, scum-ridden motherfucker, man, sprayed diarrhea all over one of the bowls. You gotta know every detail there is to know about this commode. So what you gotta do is to take all them details, man, and make 'em your own. While you're doin' that, you gotta remember that this story's about you, and how you perceived the events that went down. The only way to do that, my brother, is to keep saying it and saying it and saying it... and saying it and saying it.
Freddy: This was during the Los Angeles marijuana drought, 1986.....

Mr. Pink: Why am I Mr. Pink?
Joe Cabot: Because you're a faggot, all right?
Mr. Pink: Why can't we pick our own colors?
Joe Cabot: No way, no way. Tried it once. It doesn't work. You get four guys all fighting over who's gonna be Mr. Black.

Joe Cabot: You're Mr. Pink. Be thankful you're not Mr. Yellow.
Mr. Brown: Eh, yeah, but Mr. Brown, that's a little too close to Mr. Shit.
Mr. Pink: Well, Mr. Pink sounds like Mr. Pussy. How 'bout if I'm Mr. Purple? I mean, that sounds good to me. I'll, I'll be Mr. Purple.
Joe Cabot: You're not Mr. Purple. Some guy on some other job is Mr. Purple. You're Mr. Pink!
Mr. White: Who cares what your name is?
Mr. Pink: Yeah, that's easy for you to say. You're Mr. White. You have a cool sounding name.

--
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LCD Soundsystem

You're the Worst 2×9

Jimmy: In fact, everyone... writing is very seldom actual writing. Like, maybe on the outside, it looks as though I'm drinking and playing darts and eating Craisins out of the box in my pocket, but this is part of the process. It's all writing.

Rob: Sometimes I just look around and wonder, like, how did this happen? I mean, Lexi just got this Mini. It's a really good car. Gas mileage is great. But I see it in the driveway, and it's like, "Ugh, what?!" I mean, one minute I'm living in this cute little studio near Beachwood, interning at New Line, swing dancing at the Derby. Just me and my dog and pizza and condoms... Suddenly I have a child and a mortgage, and it's like, "What?"

Rob: Lexi's always like, "School, Harper's school." And it's, like, fine, but on the other hand, I don't want to be having that conversation, you know? Like, I love the kid, obviously. I'm not gonna say she stole my life, but come on. I mean, what, if we get a divorce, I'd only be 44...

--
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Терри Пратчетт — Поддай пару! (6/7)

<< Ранее

&  – Лорд Ветинари говорит, что ничего не стоит предпринимать, пока не услышишь крики.

&  – Гарри, за то время, что я работаю на лорда Ветинари, я хорошо понял значение слов «недоказуемая причастность».
     – И что же это значит, умник?
     – Это значит, что Его Светлость предпочитает иметь слабое представление о том, чем я занимаюсь, и, разумеется, не давать мне четкие инструкции. И еще это значит, что я должен о многом догадываться самостоятельно.

&  – Мистер Губвиг, мне казалось, вы осведомлены, что в ваши обязанности не входит докладывать мне о проблемах. В ваши обязанности входит предлагать способы решения этих проблем. Мы понимаем друг друга?

&  – Мистер Губвиг, я хочу... Нет, я приказываю вам совершить чудо – любыми способами, в обязательном порядке. Я понятно высказался? Я уверен, что не мог выразиться понятнее.
     Мокрист отдал честь и без доли сарказма ответил:
     – Есть, сэр! Мы сделаем все сегодня! Чудо – это мы!
     – Постарайтесь сделать это вчера, мистер Губвиг, – лаконично ответил Ветинари.

&  Суть вопроса заключалась в том, что ему приходилось рассчитывать на множество добросовестных людей, которые совершат добросовестные поступки добросовестным образом, и постоянно проверять их, чтобы удостовериться, что все в порядке. Так что волноваться глупо, верно? Но с волнением так не справиться. Оно садится вам на плечо, как маленький гоблин, и шепчет. И тогда взволнованный человек из мира недоверия переходит во вселенную ночных кошмаров... О чем они подумали? А что упустили?

&  Теоретически, Мокрист знал, что волноваться следует, когда что-то идет не так, но его инстинкт имел тенденцию волноваться, когда все шло слишком хорошо, чтобы быть правдой.
     И сейчас в его голове собиралось грозовое облако беспокойства, словно молот богов только ждет момента, чтобы обрушиться на него. Что он упустил? О чем забыл? Нет, все должно быть хорошо.

Окончание >>

Kiss Tomorrow Goodbye

True Detective 3×2

Alan Jones: Alan: You questioned people during this time. Right?
Detective Hays: Do you know another way to do it?

Detective Hays: I ain't judgin', man. Look, I punch in and out. I put on a suit in the mornin'. And bein' honest... I don't have much of a life.
Brett Woodard: So why? Why punch in? Why the suit? Why...
Detective Hays: I don't ask myself questions like that... Could be I'm too chickenshit, Mr. Woodard.

Brett Woodard: I miss when "Don't get killed" was the only thing on my to-do list.
Detective Hays: It's hard to unplug from that.

Detective West: You like kids, generally?
Brett Woodard: Do... What the fuck's the right answer to that?

Hays: I spent two years in the jungle, a lot of it I was alone. I hunt a lot now. Alone.
Amelia: I'm a vegetarian.
Hays: That's a real shame. If you're a Democrat, don't tell me.

Detective Hays: You wanna go get him? I wanna go get him.

Hays: The answer is... I never stopped coming up with theories about that case.

--
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The Ricklantis Mixup

Rick and Morty 3x7

Rick K-22: Morty, he's not gonna donate. You're pitching the Policeman's Ball to a black teenager here.

Rick K-22: You don't have to be a dick. I think you know that's not true.

Rick: Anyone continuing to explore the Citadel is either stupid or one of the unfortunate millions held hostage by their terrible ideas.

Rick Cop: I'm just saying, it makes me a little sad to hear a Morty cop calling Mortys animals.
Morty Cop: Well, it makes me sad to hear another Rick cop buying into his sensitivity training.

Rick Cop: Do you realize how many codes you just violated?
Morty Cop: Aw, geez, Rick. What do I know about knowin' stuff? Get in the [Bleep] car.

Candidate Morty: I'd rather live in hope than fear. If I had to fear anything, I'd fear other people being afraid. Of fear. Itself. But. No, I'm not afraid.

Strip Morty: You look like you could use a good time. One dance for $10, two for $25.
Rick Cop: No, thank you... And bad math.

Rick: A portal to the blender dimension? That's the oldest trick in the book! I'm a Rick! I'm more Rick than any of you!

Evil Morty: This seems like a good time for a drink and a cold calculated speech with sinister overtones, a speech about politics, about order, brotherhood, power. But speeches are for campaigning. Now is the time for action.

--
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Терри Пратчетт — Поддай пару! (5/7)

<< Ранее

&  Мокрист по своей природе был принципиальным противником «двух часов утра»: он предпочитал, чтобы это время случалось только в жизни других людей.

&  – Мне кажется, мистер Губвиг, вы не совсем понимаете природу наших с вами отношений. Я прошу вас – очень вежливо – чего-нибудь добиться, памятуя при этом, что могу попросить и по-другому, а ваша работа – сделать то, о чем я прошу. И вы, в конечном счете, человек, который, несомненно, может сделать что угодно, великий мистер Губвиг, нет?

&  – Не рассказывайте мне о своих проблемах – рассказывайте о решениях. Хотя и о решениях говорить не надо – их просто нужно реализовывать.

&  – Мистер Губвиг, что именно вам непонятно в слове «тиран»?

&  – Мистер Губвиг, мир вращается между теми, кто говорит, что сделать что-то невозможно, и теми, кто утверждает обратное. По моему опыту, те, кто говорят, что возможно все, обычно говорят правду. Это всего лишь вопрос творческого подхода. Есть такое выражение: «Подумай о немыслимом». Разумеется, это нонсенс, но у вас, сэр, и на это хватило бы наглости. Задумайтесь об этом. А теперь, не позволяйте мне вас задерживать.

&  – Понимаешь, Гарри, каждый, кто купит акции железной дороги, с этого момента будет заинтересован в ней, как в собственной. Тролли называют это «жить чужим умом». Если дым приносит тебе богатство, это твой дым, и ты на него не жалуешься.

&  Мир меняется, и стоит тебе растеряться, он перевернет тебя вверх тормашками.

Далее >>

The Great War and Modern Memory

True Detective 3×1

Detective Hays: Ten years is nothin'. I remember everything.
Jim Dobkins: Well, we can't know. I mean, what you don't remember, you don't know you don't remember.

Jim Dobkins: Let's get through this first. Could you tell us about November 7th, 1980? Your timeline of events.
Detective Hays: Sure.

Detective West: It's more honest than most relationships. You never bought no Saigon trim while you was over there?
Detective Hays: Guess I'm a romantic...
Detective West: I'm a feminist. They want to sell me a piece of ass, they got the right... Shit. You're gonna pay for it one way or another.

Jim Dobkins: Never occurred to you he might be lyin'?
Detective Hays: 'Course it did. General rule is, everybody's lyin'. Period.

Hays: I used to think back then... it was before 'Nam and after 'Nam. But more it's... before the Purcell case and after. And it keeps comin' back...

Amelia: I hear something now and then... They're all poor around here. That's the main thing.

Detective West: Think they're lyin'? I mean, they're lyin', but... think it's just regular teenage lyin', or somethin' else?

Detective West: He's got his own thing... Man was a LRRP in 'Nam. You know what that is? Long range reconnaissance. Drop 'em in the jungle alone, come out two or three weeks later with scalps... He's like a pathfinder. Tracks wild boar for fun.

Detective Hays: We have to find her.
Detective West: It's too dark, man.
Detective Hays: I don't care.

--
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Iron in War

The Bletchley Circle: San Francisco 1×6

Cop: It's an awful long way for two English ladies to travel by themselves...
Jean: I'm Scottish, dearie.
Millie: She's Scottish, you dummy!

Olivia: ...nobody hates a red more than our men in blue.

Paul: We're called the Mattachine Society...

Millie: I was a waitress for years. Bowing and scraping, on my feet for hours, smile painted on, but just because I take orders doesn't mean I take orders.

Mitch Bloom: You give a guy a badge and, suddenly, he's Dick Tracy, solving problems that don't need fixing.

Det. Bryce: "Audere Facere" is part of our force's motto... "Audere est facere, servire est defendere"... "to dare is to do, to defend is to serve."

Millie: Like you said... no one ever expects a skirt.

Det. Bryce: I tell you what... next time you want to invite me to join your activities... How about we make it croquet?

Iris: We are who we are. We love who we love.

--
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Терри Пратчетт — Поддай пару! (4/7)

<< Ранее

&  – Что может сделать простой мелкий тиран перед лицом необъятной, многоголовой тирании общественного мнения и, к сожалению, свободной прессы?
     – Простите, сэр, но ведь вы, если захотите, можете велеть газетам заткнуться, разве не так? Запретить поезд и посадить в тюрьму, кого только захотите.
     Продолжая разглядывать город, Витинари ответил:
     – Вы умны, мистер Губвиг, и, несомненно, талантливы, но вы все еще не обрели добродетель мудрости; а мудрость говорит могущественному правителю, что, во-первых, он не должен сажать в тюрьму всех, кого он захочет, чтобы оставить там место для тех, кого он видеть не хочет, а во-вторых, простое бездумное отторжение чего-то, кого-то или какой-либо ситуации не является поводом для решительных действий.

&  Его мать говорила: нельзя изменить звезду, под которой ты родился, что значило, что это твоя жизнь, и ее тебе жить.

&  – Я тиран, и насколько я могу судить, весьма компетентный, и я понимаю человеческую природу и природу вещей. Все меняется. Ничто не постоянно. Немного дать, немного взять, немного поговорить, и вдруг равновесие мира возвращается на круги своя, для этого и существует политика. Но политика глубинников заключается в одном: «Делайте, что мы говорим, нам лучше знать». И я нахожу это довольно утомительным.

&  – ...король ... не позволит обратить [Соглашение] в пыль кучке авантюристов, которые считают, что прошлое еще здесь и принадлежит им. Все, что я вижу – лишь его бесплодное эхо.

&  – Думаю, ты прав, это как раз тот случай, когда надо перестать думать о том, как да почему, нужно просто помнить, что, что бы ни случилось, все работает, а может и поломаться, если кто-то слишком умный начнет выяснять, есть ли душа в происходящем.

&  – ...она все пытается сделать из меня лучшего человека. Все эти фокусы насчет того, каким ножом и какой вилкой есть, – это просто специальная головоломка, чтобы простые парни, вроде меня, чувствовали себя не в своей тарелке. Чем бы ты ни подцепил еду, ее вкус не изменится

&  – Это потому, я считаю, что они не такие умные, как я!
     В слове «считаю» есть некое смутное беспокойство, которое режет ухо; слишком тяжело понять соображения, по которым что-то кажется более определенным и менее пугающим.

Далее >>

Luther 5×4

Luther: All this eye for an eye bullshit, it's all just a game, isn't it, George?

Luther: Eye for an eye...

Cornelius: Peace In Our Time. I'm Adolf, he's Neville, you're the Sudetenland.

Cornelius: Here we are. You, smoking gun, damning evidence and whatnot. All in the cloud. Whatever that actually is.

Luther: You're a clever one, ain't you, George? You would have been a good copper.
Cornelius: No. Too honest to have been a copper.

Alice: You're the only person I ever knew who always told me the truth. Come what may... You never lie to me.

Vivien: You really are a bourgeois little prince, aren't you? Thought police. Sex police. Erecting an edifice of speculation, a foundation for puritanical distaste.
Luther: No, that's not what I'm doing. I'm basically trying to establish whether you would lie to protect your privacy, and the answer turns out to be "yes", which I find very interesting.

Alice: Some valedictory advice... Don't let John Luther back through your door. Not under any circumstance or for any reason. He's not what you think he is.

---

Luther: I had a boss, once. Her name was Rose Teller. Really good cop. She used to say, erm, an assumption is something you don't know you're making.

Halliday: How are we supposed to find him? There are like, 60,000 streets in London...

Luther: We've got no evidence. If we call it in, we'll have to go through due process. Get a warrant. It would go on and on and on and what does that mean for anyone that's alive in there now?

Luther: If you found out tomorrow that if we went in there today you could have saved someone's life, would you be okay with that?
Halliday: Boss, that's not fair.
Luther: All right, do what you have to do.

Luther: That is not what happened.

Alice: The thing is, John, you don't understand love. You can mimic it, you can recognise it in others, but you can never understand it.

--
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There Is Not Currently a Problem

You're the Worst 2×7

Jimmy: Aw, damn it. You're you. I was having the most amazing dream where you were you, but also you were Janis Joplin. But now you're just you.

Jimmy: Hakuna matata.
Gretchen: Did you just quote The Lion King to me?
Jimmy: The lion what? No, it's a... it's a Swahili phrase.
Gretchen: No, I know th... Are you sure you're not quoting something?
Jimmy: Just Khalid, the kabob shop owner in my old neighborhood. I mean, the phrase doesn't translate easily to English, but it means... that there is not currently a problem.

Dorothy: I guess we're just gonna have to be stuck here all day.
Gretchen: No, we can't be! We're adults. We can walk!
Jimmy: What are we, New Yorkers? Oh, fuggedaboutit. Let's walk and get a pizza bagel with Mayor Giuliani.

Edgar: You guys have fun... Dancing to no music.

Jimmy: You're all just dancing, like some uncoordinated doomsday cult, while vermin run around unchecked.

--
On the IMDb
+ Soundtrack

Терри Пратчетт — Поддай пару! (3/7)

<< Ранее

&  – Капитан Склонн очень озабочен скоплением вредных газов вдоль всей железнодорожной линии.
     Лорд Ветинари сложил газету и заметил:
     – Люди Анк-Морпорка и так живут среди вредных газов. Это их неотъемлемое право. Они не только живут с ними, но и стараются увеличить их объем.

&  Не оставалось ничего другого, кроме как плыть по течению. Новые идеи и новые изобретения прибыли и уже распаковывали вещи, их чернят все, кому не лень, но вдруг раз! – и то, что казалось чудовищным, становится жизненно важным для мира. Во все времена мастера и изобретатели создавали новые полезные вещи, о которых никто не подозревал и которые вдруг становились необходимыми. И столпы мира не шелохнулись.

&  Будучи тираном ответственным, лорд Витинари периодически проводил строгую и безжалостную ревизию собственных действий. О троллях в Анк-Морпорке уже говорили редко, и все потому, что люди, как ни странно, почти не воспринимали их как троллей – просто как больших людей. Такие же, как мы, только другие. А положение гномов, анк-морпоркских гномов? Все еще гномье, да. Но на своих собственных условиях. Король-под-горой тоже был осведомлен, что в Анк-Морпорке была огромная популяция гномов, которые взглянули на будущее и решили отхватить себе кусок. «Традиции? – думали они. – Ну, если это будет нам на руку, время от времени мы будем вспоминать о них и проводить парад в честь всего гномьего. Все те же сыновья и дочери своих родителей... но мы станем лучше. Мы видели город. Город, где все было если не всегда возможно, то вероятно, включая и красивое женское белье».

&  В комнате присутствовал кое-кто, кто был адвокатом, к тому же, таким адвокатом, который способен прихлопнуть вас одним ударом; и всегда стоит обдумывать заранее то, что вы собираетесь сказать в присутствии адвоката, потому что никогда не знаешь, можно ли доверять этим пронырам.

&  Деньги тут были ни при чем. Деньги никогда не имели значения. Даже когда он гнался за деньгами, деньги были совсем ни при чем. Ну, кое в чем, может, и при чем, но главным всегда было то, что гномы называли «кураж». Чистое удовольствие от процесса и результата.

Далее >>

28 Days Later... (2002)

Activist: Infected with what?!
Scientist: Rage.

Mark: Man walks into a bar with a giraffe. They each get pissed. The giraffe falls over. The man goes to leave and the barman says "Oi! You can't leave that lying there." He says "No, it's not a lion. It's a giraffe"... He's completely humorless.

Selena: Have you got any plans, Jim? Do you want us to find a cure and save the world or just fall in love and fuck?... Plans are pointless. Staying alive's as good as it gets.

Jim: I think they're good people.
Selena: Good people?
Jim: Yeah.
Selena: You should be more concerned about whether they're gonna slow you down.
Jim: Because if they slowed you down...
Selena: I'd leave them behind.
Jim: In a heartbeat.
Selena: Yeah.
Jim: I wouldn't.

Selena: You'll never hear another piece of original music again. You'll never read a book that hasn't already been written, or see a film that hasn't already been shot.

Jim: That was longer than a heartbeat.

--
+ Quotes on the IMDb
+ Soundtracks

>> 28 Weeks Later

The Brainy Bunch

The Good Place 3×2

Michael: Hey, well, Dick Tracy called me, too, first, and he said he was about to call you and say a lie about me that was actually true about you instead... Whatever.

Eleanor: Hey, teach, um, do you think, maybe, we could continue the one-on-one lessons on the side? I feel like last week, I had my own personal ninja master, and now I'm taking tai chi with a bunch of farting housewives.

Janet: Can I get you started with some drinks? Our specialty cocktail tonight is the Fourth of July. It's half an apple pie blended with Southern Comfort and Coca-Cola served in a Chevy hubcap.

Janet: Gah! Look what I've been reduced to. Humans only live 80 years, and they spend so much of it just waiting for things to be over.
Michael: I'm bad at lying now. That used to be my thing. And every part of my body is either too dry or too wet.

Michael: ...and what are you even doing in a bathroom? You're a demon. You don't... need it.
Trevor: I like the smells. And I like putting my hands in the toilet so everything I touch gets a little bit of poop on it.

Simone: Are you all right? You didn't sleep at all last night.
Chidi: I got a solid eight minutes, not consecutively, but still. It's fine.

Eleanor: I just don't think the group thing is for me. I'm better when it's one-on-one and we're both looking at our phones and I don't know the other person and we don't talk.

--
On the IMDb

Sideways (2004)

Miles: That's 100% pinot noir. Single vineyard. They don't even make it anymore.
Jack: Pinot noir?
Miles: Mm-hmm.
Jack: Then how come it's white?
Miles: Oh, Jesus. Don't ask questions like that up in wine country. They'll think you're some kind of dumbshit, OK?

Jack: Just tell me.
Miles: Color in red wines comes from the skins. This juice, on the other hand, is free run, so that there's no skin contact during fermentation—

Miles: These guys make top notch pinot and chardonnay. One of the best producers in Santa Barbara county.
Jack: I thought you hated chardonnay.
Miles: No, no, no. I like all varietals. I just don't generally like the way they manipulate chardonnay in California. Too much oak and secondary malolactic fermentation.

Miles: You see, the reason that this region is so good for pinot... is that the cold air off the Pacific flows in at night... and it just cools down the berries. Pinot's a very thin-skinned grape. It doesn't like constant heat or humidity. Very delicate.

Miles: Let me show you how this is done. First thing, hold the glass up and examine the wine against the light. You're looking for color and clarity. Just, get a sense of it. Okay? Thick? Thin? Watery? Syrupy? Okay?... Now, tip it. What you're doing here is checking for color density as it thins out towards the rim. That's gonna tell you how old it is, among other things. It's usually more important with reds. Okay? Now, stick your nose in it... Don't be shy, really get your nose in there. Mmm... A little citrus... Maybe some strawberry... Mmm... Passion fruit... And... Ah, there's just, like, the faintest... soupçon of like asparagus and... There's a... just a flutter of a, like a nutty Edam cheese...
Jack: Wow. Strawberries, yeah! Strawberries. Not the cheese...
Miles: All right. Put your glass down. Get some air into it. Oxygenating it opens it up. It unlocks the aromas, the flavors. Very important. Smell again.

Jack: One for you, three for me.
Miles: Mmm.

Maya: Why are you so into pinot? I mean, it's like a thing with you.
Miles: Uh— I don't know. I don't know. Um— it's a hard grape to grow. As you know. Right? It's uh— it's thin-skinned, temperamental, ripens early. It's— you know, it's not a survivor... like Cabernet, which can just grow anywhere... and thrive even when it's neglected. No, Pinot needs constant care and attention. You know? And in fact it can only grow... in these really specific, little, tucked-away corners of the world. And— and only... the most patient and nurturing of growers... can do it, really. Only somebody who really takes the time... to understand Pinot's potential... can then coax it into its fullest expression. And then, I mean— Oh, its flavors, they're just the most haunting and brilliant... and thrilling and subtle and... ancient on the planet. No, I mean, you know,
Cabernets can be powerful and exalting too, but they seem prosaic to me, for some reason, by comparison.

---

Maya: I like to think about the life of wine. How it's a living thing. I like to think about... what was going on the year the grapes were growing, how the sun was shining, if it rained. I like to think about... all the people who tended and picked the grapes... and, if it's an old wine, how many of them must be dead by now. I like how wine continues to evolve. Like, if I opened a bottle of wine today, it would taste different than if I'd opened it on any other day. Because a bottle of wine is actually alive... and it's constantly evolving and gaining complexity. That is, until it peaks, like your '61 . And then it begins its steady, inevitable decline... And it tastes so fucking good.

Miles: If you don't have money at my age, you're not even in the game anymore. You're just a pasture animal waiting for the abattoir.
Jack: Abattoir. What is that?
Miles: Slaughterhouse.
Jack: Abattoir. Huh.

Miles: It tastes like the back of a fucking L.A. school bus... Now, they probably didn't de-stem, hoping for some semblance of concentration. Crushed it up with leaves and mice... and then wound up with this rancid tar and turpentine mouthwash bullshit. Fuckin' Raid.

Miles: No, I'm finished, I'm not a writer. I'm a middle school English teacher. Ah, the world doesn't give a shit what I have to say. I'm unnecessary. I'm so insignificant, I can't even kill myself.
Jack: Miles, what the hell is that supposed to mean?
Miles: Come on, man. You know. Hemingway, Sexton, Plath, Woolf... You can't kill yourself before you're even published.
Jack: What about the guy who wrote Confederacy of Dunces? He committed suicide before he was published. Look how famous he is.
Miles: Thanks.

Miles: Half my life is over, and I have nothing to show for it, nothing. I'm a thumbprint on the window of a skyscraper. I'm a smudge of excrement on a tissue... surging out to sea with a million tons of raw sewage.
Jack: See? Right there. Just what you just said? That is beautiful. “A smudge of excrement surging out to sea...” Yeah. I could never write that.
Miles: Neither could I, actually. I think it's Bukowski.

Jack: Listen, man, you're my friend, and I know you care about me. I know you disapprove, and I respect that. But there are some things that I have to do that you don't understand. You understand literature, movies, wine, but you don't understand my plight.

Miles: Hey, wait a second. Wait a second. How come I wasn't hurt?
Jack: 'Cause you were wearing your seat belt.
Miles: Nicely done.

--
+++ Quotes on the IMDb
+ Soundtracks

A Nuclear Reactor and a Boy Called Lovey

Young Sheldon 2×13

Adult Sheldon: There are certain phrases that are used by dads around the world. ....
George: Close the fridge. You're wastin' money.
Sheldon: I'm having trouble deciding between pudding and Jell-O.
George: Well, decide what you want, and then open it.
Sheldon: But I need the visual input.

George: Make a choice and close the door.
Sheldon: Okay. There's only one logical way to settle this... Eenie-meenie—
George: Close the door!

Georgie: Just as friends, would you wanna hang out on Saturday night? In a no-kissing and no-punching-in-the-face kind of way?

Mr. Givens: ... How about nuclear power? It's clean and efficient and very safe, until something goes horribly wrong.

Sheldon: I have one last question about nuclear reactors... How do I build one? Go.
Mr. Givens: .....
Adult Sheldon: Spoiler alert: he didn't know.

Sheldon: My name is Sheldon Cooper, and I'm trying to build a nuclear reactor, and I could use his help...

Sheldon: My number is 409-356-6049. Thank you. I'm gonna hang up now, because this is long-distance, and my father doesn't make much money. Good-bye.

Dr. Sturgis: I'm excited to show you off. The general consensus among the faculty is you don't exist.
Connie: I don't know how I feel about that...
Dr. Sturgis: Oh, don't worry... it says more about me than it does about you.

Connie: It's like dating the Encyclopedia Britannica...

---

Missy: It's just what I'm hearing.
George: From who?
Missy: I'm kinda plugged into this town.

Georgie: ... he can't love you the way I do. Because my love is the kind of love that is true love. The kind that lovers feel when they're in love." Beautiful.

Dr. Sturgis: Dr. Linkletter is working on an intriguing theory of quantum gravity.
Connie: Is that so?
Dr. Sturgis: He can explain it much better than I can.
Dr. Linkletter: Are you familiar at all with string theory?
Connie: Remind me...

George: Look, Georgie, I know it feels bad right now, but... I promise it'll get better.
Georgie: How's it gonna get better? Veronica thinks I'm a jerk, and everyone in the school's calling me Lovey Cooper.
George: Ooh, that is not a good name...

George: Listen to me. You're a good-looking kid, and you got a big heart. Once we get you on a daily shower schedule, the girls are gonna be lining up.

Connie: What's that about?
Mary: I'm punishing him.
Connie: What for?
Mary: Nothing, really. But once I got started, I couldn't stop.

Sheldon: Am I in trouble?

--
On the IMDb
+ Soundtrack

All Alone

The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel 2×10

Madame Cosma: I don't know why you'd wear a black cocktail dress to a wedding, but... whatever.

Abe: Humor is very important in our house, Benjamin. If you are going to marry Miriam, you will have to learn that... Because to Miriam, almost everything in the world is a joke. I had to stop watching the news with her. Guggenheim, the name of the museum, caused 20 minutes of uncontrolled giggling. Why? Who knows. That's just Miriam.
Benjamin: I will learn to laugh, sir.
Abe: You're going to need a lot of closet space.
Benjamin: I have seen the hats.
Abe: There will be a lot of activity. Things will shift quickly. Your reality, your vacation plans. And God knows what those children will be like when they grow up. I cannot vouch for them.
I will not hold you responsible.

Abe: It's awfully quick, your courtship. Anything I should know that will certainly kill her mother?

Moishe: What is your life, anyhow?

Joel: Remember, pal, you have to look where you're aiming when you use the urinal.
Ethan: Why?
Joel: Because if you keep hitting the floor and the counter and the ceiling, no girl's ever gonna marry you, and Mrs. Moskowitz is gonna leave your daddy, so we'll both be alone. .... I thought you had to go to the bathroom.
Ethan: Not fun now!

Rose: Miriam, please. You can't wear white. It's a second wedding. You can wear champagne.
Midge: I don't want to wear champagne. It's not a color. It's what happens when white gets sad.

Rose: I'm sorry. Second weddings are subtle, dignified. No big halls or lavish dinners. Second weddings mean 40 guests and a luncheon at home with scrambled eggs.
Midge: Wow. What's the third wedding mean?
Rose: Third wedding means I'm dead.

Abe: And what was the punch line?
Midge: Now I'm wondering, does my father not know how to go to the bathroom?
Abe: Okay.
Midge: And if that's true, who taught me?
Abe: I get it.
Midge: Because my mother never goes to the bathroom.
Abe: That's enough.
Rose: I heard my name!
Abe: No, you didn't.

Jackie: You fucked up. You went off, you made things worse. Now you got to go eat some shit to make things right for Midge.
Susie: Midge wouldn't want me to eat shit.
Jackie: Doesn't matter what she wants. You're the manager. You go to do what's best for your client.
Susie: I don't like this side of you, Jackie.
Jackie: What side?
Susie: Rational. It's freaking me out.

---

Jackie: Look, one thing I know about, even more than carpentry, and this is from personal experience... in life, sometimes you got to eat a whole lot of shit. Piles of it. More shit than you can imagine. If you took a pack of wolves with stomach issues, and locked them in your apartment for a month, and then came home with a spoon, that's the amount of shit I'm talking about.
Susie: Thank you for the vivid imagery.
Jackie: Life is basically an all-you-can-eat shit show.
Susie: You're disgusting.
Jackie: Yup, but I'm right.

Joel: My mother of all people... she told me to stop waiting around. Well, here you go, Ma. You win!
Archie: Mothers always win. Three kids!

Joel: Probably should have thought about that before we started.
Archie: So many things we should have thought about before we started...

Abe: She made a joke about the record I was playing at home, and that is all. She's a comedian. They humiliate their families onstage. That's their job.

Abe: She's a comedian! And a girl. What kind of risk could she possibly be?
Charles: If I told you that, then I would be a security risk.
Martin: And if I listen to that, then I would be a security risk.

Abe: And if you ever threaten my daughter again, I will punch you right in the nose! It won't hurt. I'm not strong. But, at the very least, you will be embarrassed that you got punched in the nose by a not-strong mathematician. You really want to mess with me? Go ahead. Take your best shot. And then you will find out what Abe Weissman is truly made of...

Bobby: Are you crazy? You can't say that onstage.
Midge: Say what, "change purse"?
Bobby: "Pregnant."
Midge: I can't say "pregnant"? Are you kidding?
Bobby: Nobody wants to hear that word.
Midge: Well, I know they don't want to hear it in the context of "Guess what, I'm pregnant. Who gets to tell your wife?"
Bobby: Any context. It's foul.
Susie: It's foul? The guy before her talked about getting dick fungus.
Bobby: That was funny. This is female stuff. It's private.
Midge: It's real! It's life. Literally.
Susie: She can talk about whatever she wants to. It's her act.
Bobby: Nope. Here she tells jokes. You want to talk about your female parts, you go see the obstrenician... ob... whatever the fuck. Not on my stage!

Midge: What's the matter?
Lenny Bruce: We can now add Chicago to the list of places that have a warrant out for my arrest.
Midge: What did you say?
Lenny Bruce: I talked about your friend having a baby... And the Pope fucking a three-legged duck. And interracial dating. And what does Marilyn Maxwell possibly see in Bob Hope.
Midge: That's what they got you for. The man is a national treasure.
Lenny Bruce: At this rate, the only place I'm gonna be able to work is Wyoming, and who knows what the people of Wyoming will do at the sight of their first Jew.

Lenny: Sometimes, I think, "Is it worth it?"
Midge: And, sometimes, I think, "No."
Lenny: I'm Sisyphus, without the fabulous hair and the loincloth, pushing that boulder up that hill over and over and over.
Midge: Try it in heels.

Susie: Okay, look, I came here to eat shit so just let me eat it.
Sophie Lennon: I thought my secretary told you to eat before you came...

Susie: What the fuck?!

Shy Baldwin: I saw you on that telethon and I thought you were sensational. ... I said to myself, "Why isn't that girl a star?" .... How would you like to open for me on tour?... It'll be six months. Three in the States, three in Europe. You'll do 30 minutes and a couple of bits with me. We leave in two weeks and you'll need a lot of new fancy clothes, which I will pay for.

Midge: I want a pink dressing room. Can you put that in my contract?

Abe: ....However, after much deliberation, Miriam, I have decided... to give Benjamin permission to ask for your hand. You may get married. Again.

Rose: So, what do we do? Move in with Miriam and Benjamin?
Abe: You'd really better sit down...

Midge: Tits up.
Lenny: Thanks... You'll explain that when I get back?
Midge: Yes, I will.

Midge: I just made a choice... I am gonna be all alone for the rest of my life. That's what I just decided in a five-minute phone call. Amazing, isn't it?

--
+ Quotes on the IMDb
+ Soundtracks

Not Cricket

The Bletchley Circle: San Francisco 1×5

Iris: Well... speaking of dough... Here's a dollar. Home by 10:30.

Millie: Oh, come on, Jean. There's a reason they call this the New World. It's a chance to reinvent yourself.
Jean: I'm perfectly satisfied with the current model, thank you very much.

Hailey: I think it's kinda like sausage.
Iris: Sausage?
Hailey: Yeah, like we made on the farm. We knew, if folks were gonna enjoy the end-product...
Iris: Oh. They couldn't see it getting made.
Hailey: Bingo.

Ray: You know you can turn this thing into a stereophonic turntable?
Hailey: Sure I know that, I just don't want to! My records aren't stereo and mono increases the decibels without sacrificing sound quality. Cut the gas now!

Jean: For this code, I'm inclined to use lex parsimoniae.
Hailey: Lex what?
Iris: "Law of Parsimony."
Jean: According to William of Ockham, the hypothesis requiring the fewest assumptions should be selected.

Jean: Wrap it.
Hailey: What are you talking about?
Jean: A possible scytale code...
Iris: Scytale is a simple transposition cipher, used by the ancient Greeks and Spartans. It's how military commanders would communicate with their front lines during battle.
Jean: First, a band of parchment gets wrapped around a rod, then the message gets written. And when the band of paper is unrolled, it becomes ciphertext.
Iris: The trick then is to have a baton in the battlefield that matches the sender's.

---

Hailey: What's 42?
Millie: I don't know, but... but the meeting's tonight.

Iris: "Cozy room available in a fun, breezy warehouse space." A good start.
Hailey: What do you mean "start"? ...
Iris: Hailey, it's great that you're looking for better roommates, but when you write "fun," a girl will read that as another word for "noisy." And, uh, "cozy," she'll think "small." "Breezy..."
Hailey: Sounds like a hurricane comes through every night. I got it...

Hailey: Bottom to top? How do you read that way?
Iris: I'm not reading. I'm detecting anomaly, which the eye does faster when the mind isn't trying to make sense of the words.
Hailey: "Think less, do more." Huh.

Iris: Cracked it.
Hailey: Didn't take long.
Iris: Well, it's just a simple Caesar cipher... every letter transposed three letters ahead... "A" is "D," "B" is "E."
Hailey: Smart.
Iris: Gaius Julius thought so. It's one of the oldest ciphers in history, simple enough for the average person to use.

Edward: In the eyes of the law, I'm also breaking one.
Millie: And what have you done?
Edward: It's not what I've done. It's who I am.

Hailey: How would you know this?
Jean: I worked for a man who kept me on for a few years after the war. A brilliant cryptographer... He'd cracked the Enigma code, invented computing devices... and... and he loved men.
Hailey: Here, that's a crime.
Jean: Well, yes, it is back in Britain, too. Like the codes he cracked, he was hidden in plain sight, until the police found out. He'd called them because he'd been robbed by one of his, um, visiting gentleman. When the world saw him for what he was... they destroyed him.

Hailey: Look at this one... "loves to converse."
Iris: Uh, that means "insufferably opinionated."
Hailey: Or this one... "easy-going."
Iris: That means "slovenly as hell."

--
On the IMDb
+ Soundtracks

Терри Пратчетт — Поддай пару! (2/7)

<< Начало

&  Люди очарованы, а когда люди очарованы, они тратят деньги. Самое главное в бизнесе – это решить, кто получит эти деньги.

&  «Да, – думал Мокрист, – грядут перемены». ...
     – Одни потеряют, другие найдут – не так ли все происходило с самого начала времен? – сказал Мокрист вслух. – Вначале был человек, который умел делать орудия из камня, потом пришел человек, который сделал орудия из бронзы, и первому пришлось или тоже учиться работать с бронзой, или вовсе сменить сферу деятельности. А человеку, обработавшему бронзу, пришлось уступить человеку, обработавшему железо. И едва тот успел поздравить себя с тем, какой он молодец, как появился человек, выплавивший сталь. Это танец, где все боятся остановиться, потому что, однажды остановившись, ты отстанешь от остальных. Но не таков ли и весь наш мир?

&  Король ... помнил старую гномью пословицу, которая в переводе гласила: «Три гнома рассудительно посовещавшись, придут к четырем точкам зрения».

&  В эту минуту Рыс испытывал что-то похожее на то, что должен был чувствовать судья [во время игры в футбол], поскольку все мячи летели в его сторону. Как прикажете быть королем-под-горой в стране, где даже внутри партий были свои партийки, а в тех – свои партиечки? Он завидовал – о, как он завидовал – алмазному королю троллей, который раздавал повеления и советы своим многочисленным подданным. После чего они говорили ему спасибо – слово, которое король-под-горой нечасто слышал в своей жизни. Алмазный король всегда представлял интересы всех троллей. Но гномья раса раздробилась до состояния разрозненных частиц, а ему, королю-под-горой, приходилось решать эту проблему.

Далее >>

A United Kingdom (2016)

Radio Broadcast: 'Indians will go to their beds as subjects of the Queen, and awake to a new day.'
George Williams: The next day they'll awake to wish we were running the place again...

Ruth Williams: I do love jazz, but I've never trusted an Englishman to play it.

Ruth Williams: I looked it up, you know, your country. The size of France and 121,000 inhabitants.
Seretse Khama: And one of the poorest countries in the world...
Ruth Williams: Is that right?

Sir Alistair Canning: Have you no shame?

Ruth Williams: I know what's happening in South Africa. It's poison, and it's already affecting you here. That sign outside.
Seretse Khama: You have those in England too.
Ruth Williams: I know. No blacks, no Irish, no dogs...

Seretse Khama: Let us not allow the ugliness of this world to take our joy away from us.

Ruth Williams: Where will he go?
Seretse Khama: He will start a new settlement somewhere. It's our way to avoid conflict. We stay apart, but we stay at peace.

Seretse Khama: When a man tells a lie, he loses his dignity. And so it is with a country.

Seretse Khama: No man is free... who is not master of himself.

--
+ Quotes on the IMDb

The Confirmation Polarization

The Big Bang Theory 12×13

Penny: Aw, remember when they only did it on her birthday?

Penny: Aren't you always saying it's about the work, not more money or a better title?
Leonard: All the smart things I say, and you remember the dumb one...

Leonard: No, i-it's true. The scientists that proved the big bang, they thought their sensors needed cleaning until someone pointed out that they were picking up cosmic background radiation from the singularity. They won the Nobel. Not the scientists that came up with the theory.
Sheldon: So you're saying they could steal our Nobel Prize?

Bernadette: Why don't you want to work with me? I know I can be tough, but that's just 'cause I'm surrounded by useless idiots.
Penny: No, it's not that.

Sheldon: Why do you assume something's wrong?
Amy: Because you haven't touched your dinner, and you're literally ticking like a bomb about to go off.

Sheldon: Oh, Amy. You see through me like one of Penny's shirts...

Sheldon: If it's a fight that doesn't involve any touching, risk of physical harm or uncomfortable eye contact 'cause it's happening online or through intermediaries, I say bring it!

--
On the IMDb

Терри Пратчетт — Поддай пару!

<< Понюшка (Плоский мир — 39)
<< Делай деньги (Мокрист фон Губвиг — 2)

Плоский мир — 40
Мокрист фон Губвиг — 3

  “ ...Сложно постичь ничто, хотя множественная вселенная полна им. Ничто странствует повсюду, вечно что-то опережает, и в великом облаке неведомого ничто стремится стать чем-то, вырваться наружу, прийти в движение, ощущать, меняться, танцевать, познавать – попросту говоря, быть чем-то.

&  – Я уже сыт этим по горло. Лучше давай напишем в газеты! Вот как дела надо делать. Все ведь жалуются на фрукты, на овощи, на рыбу. Пусть уже Витинари войдет в положение мелкого предпринимателя. В конце концов, зачем-то же мы иногда платим налоги?

&  Да, политика. Невидимый клей, не позволяющий миру расколоться на воюющие фрагменты. Прошлое и так видело слишком много войн. И каждому школьнику было известно – во всяком случае, было бы известно, если бы школьники читали не только надписи на пакетах с печеньем, – что в недалеком прошлом чуть не случилась одна очень страшная война, последняя битва в Кумской долине, и в результате гномы и тролли сумели добиться если не мира, то взаимопонимания, из которого с помощью богов мог еще вырасти мир.

&  Мир – это такое состояние, которое рано или поздно все равно заканчивается войной.

&  – Тебе не кажется это тревожным? Как мы можем контрольировать будущее, когда один дурак может придумать механьизм, способный перевьернуть весь мир?

&  – Мадам, только дурак будет стоять на пути прогресса. Глас народа – глас бога, разумеется, под чутким управлением вдумчивого правителя. Поэтому я считаю: если настало время парового двигателя, паровой двигатель придет.

&  Раздельные ванные, несомненно, – ключ к супружескому счастью.

Далее >>

Rest and Ricklaxation

Rick and Morty 3x6

Morty: We've been going non-stop, Rick. It's not healthy.

Rick: Let's go. In and out, 20 minutes adventure...

Morty: Why do you keep doing this to us?!
Rick: I don't know, Morty. Maybe I hate myself, maybe I think I deserve to die. I-I-I-I don't... I don't know!

Rick: We need a vacation...

Rick: Toxins... We're not in Hell, Morty. We're in the detoxifier. The machine didn't blow up. It worked normally. It removed our toxins. We're the toxins. Are you listening, you stupid little garbage person?! We're what got removed!!

Morty: Uh... I th... I think my voice is annoying.
Rick: It is, and it's your best quality.

Morty: It's a bad phone. Chuck it. I downgraded to a clamshell for emergencies only. You know, if... if... if something's worth saying, i-it's worth eye contact.

Rick: Morty, what if the toxic parts of us have their own identities, their own will to live?

Rick: I'm detoxed and I'm accountable to my toxins, right? I-It's a dilemma.

---

Morty: Look, the sparks aren't flying. This is what dating is for, you know? First date, no sparks. No damage, no worries. Life is a highway. We're gonna ride it all night lonnngg!

Morty: I wonder what it takes to please you. That's the job I want... Part time, full time, I want to be good at it, bad at it, I want to get promoted, fired, corner office, hostile takeover, workplace accident... I'm on my knees, Stacy... Praying, worshipping, begging, whatever you want. What do you think about that?

Toxic Rick: Groin System 6000. Kill him!

Morty: We got to stop him!
Rick: What's the last thing you'd think about doing with that tank thing? Morty, I appreciate what you're trying to do, but it's not our place, you know, to pick and choose which world gets saved from what apocalypse. Our... our toxins have as much a right to their worldview as... Morty, how is it healthy to slap me?

Toxic Rick: What is your problem?!
Rick: Oh, I had all my problems removed... my entitlement, my narcissism, my crippling loneliness, my irrational attachments. They must be somewhere...

Rick: I'm back, baby! Regular Rick! Master of both worlds! Check it it out!... "Excuse me."

Rick: Sorry, tiny American Psycho, time to take the opposite of your medicine.

--
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Everything Is Bonzer!

The Good Place 3×1

Chapter 27

Michael: Oh, wow! I was just on Earth. It was incredible. The... the traffic, the pigeons. And I saw this place that was, at once, a Pizza Hut and a Taco Bell! I mean, oh! The mind reels. A Pizza Hut and a Taco Bell! Ah! Oh, Janet, it was everything I ever imagined...

Chidi: Wait, you flew all the way here from Arizona just to see me?
Eleanor: You know what, don't flatter yourself, pal— Sorry, that's a knee-jerk reaction. Yes, that's exactly what I did. And I know that seems zonk-atronic... that's Khloe's word for crazy... but I need someone to help guide me, morally speaking. And I think I need it to be you. What do you say? Will you help me become a good person?

Chidi: I'll start you off with some introductory philosophy books, and then we'll meet here once a week.
Eleanor: Great. Ideally, some of those books will have been made into a movie or maybe a funny GIF— But anything's good with me, man.

Chidi: ...So for Aristotle, virtue is practical. Goodness isn't something that a person just inherently has. It's something that she achieves through her actions. Questions?
Eleanor: Uh, yeah, a few. I wrote down "what?" "huh?" And then this doodle of a burrito because when I first read Aristotle, I thought it was pronounced like Chipotle. Wait a minute, is it "Chip-o-tottle"?

---

Chapter 28

Chidi: If you must know, it was very chaste. We didn't even kiss.
Eleanor: Because you chickened out?
Chidi: I did! Yeah, I totally chickened out, and I am so mad at myself.
Eleanor: Well, hey, maybe it wasn't the right moment. Knowing the two of you nerds, your first kiss is going to be while reading Plato in an MRI machine.

Michael: I'm sure you're already rolling in dough from this incredible scam, but have you thought about merch? Because we could, uh, we could partner here. I made a fortune selling Nirvana Orbs, which is to say, driving range golf balls that I painted silver.
Tahani: That's awful.
Michael: No, it's healing. Wink.

Michael: You and I are the same. I love what you're doing here. You get to be rich and famous and not have to do any of the work of helping people.
Tahani: But I am helping people! You need to go right now.
Michael: Suit yourself. Look, if you change your mind, I'm online. Just Google "crystals that prevent erectile dysfunction."

Jason: We are going to win this dance competition. How, you ask? By working. We are going to eat, breathe, and vape dance. I want you thinking about dance 24/7. That means every day, you think 20 thoughts about dance for seven minutes.

Judge: How's it going?
Janet: So good. I mean, everything is going according to plan, and nothing is going differently from the plan.
Michael: Yes, that's a very not weird way to put it.

Simone: So this is our MRI machine. ... Each of you will get a chance in here eventually. Hopefully, none of you is claustrophobic.
Jason: Clausterphobic? Who would ever be scared of Santa Claus?.. Oh! The Jewish.
Eleanor: Are you from Florida?

Tahani: That should be fine for me. It's roughly the same size as Nicole Kidman's cryogenic anti-aging chamber, and I've never had a problem in there.

--
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Nathaniel Needs My Help!

Crazy Ex-Girlfriend 3×8

Rebecca: Wait, since when do you use the word schlep?
Nathaniel: Oh, well, I've been watching a lot of Seinfeld. I have a Jewish girlfriend, after all...
Rebecca: Girlfriend?!
Nathaniel: Wow, you are squealing a lot today.
Rebecca: Only 'cause you're such a mensch.

Rebecca: Oh, Nathan-ay-el...

Paula: I am trying not to meddle in people's lives so much, but I can see you need help... Also, catalog shopping and judging people are two of my best events, so...

Paula: Oh, this is easy. Here we go... Okay, rapid-fire: Crooked nose, snaggletooth, from Nevada, weird mole, dumb scarf, likes cats, dimple on one side, clearly drunk, no chin, sloping chin, three chins, vegetarian—
Darryl: Oh, my God, I didn't notice all these bad things!

Paula: ...she's the only one who did not mention the beach or her dog or going to the beach with her dog. Also, no duck lips, no contouring, no fake eyelashes, no posing on a flamingo float. She is the one. I don't even have a second choice.

Paula: Do you have the egg or not?!

Bert: Listen, Rebecca, I know how easy it is to get obsessed. I also get intense about stuff. I get very maniacally fixated on things, and that's why they thought that I was a paranoid schizophrenic, but they were obviously wrong! I am borderline, and that's why I can't trust them or anyone else, because they're all out to get me!

---

Rebecca: Sorry, but you're my driver and my wingman and co-conspirator and my suicide prevention buddy. What don't you understand about this relationship?

Darryl: I am so nervous. What if my swimmers are no good? What if I can never again climb the sacred mountain of fatherhood?

Mrs. Hernandez: Oh, God, this is gonna be gross...

Rebecca: Ah, I'm amazing!
George: I... no, I don't think you're seeing this the way people are gonna see it.

Josh: When you think about it... Rebecca's everywhere.

Josh: She changed me. Made me think my life could be different. I could be special... My God, she ruined me. I spent my whole life in flip-flops and she made me want closed-toed shoes. I can't go back to my old life. I-I got to find a new life!

Rebecca: So, what, I can never have a great relationship because I have borderline personality disorder, is that what you're saying?

Paula: I've been thinking about ways to raise money. Here they are, rapid-fire: Bake sale, car wash, lap dances in the office... Here me out.

Rebecca: Nathaniel, I, uh... I have to do something I've never done before.
Nathaniel: What?

--
On the IMDb
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Side Bitch

You're the Worst 2×6

Jimmy: Edgar, as always, you're overthinking it. For once in your life, just keep it simple.
Edgar: You mean just ask her out?
Jimmy: No. Get her hammered and finger-bang her in your car.

Lindsay: Oh, Jimmy. Let me tell you how relationships work. You cheat, and then she cheats, and then, one day you wake up, and he's gone, none of your stuff works, and you're having crabby puffs with some British guy.

Becca: Uh, what the hell happened to you?
Lindsay: My power got turned off... I don't know how to do anything.
Becca: Well, now, don't beat yourself up. It's probably Mom's fault.
Lindsay: Probably.
Becca: She did always take so many more photos of me.

--
On the IMDb
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Luther 5×3

Vivien: Because the balance of risk has shifted.

Alice: So I take it I'm being arrested. Because you do remember how many crimes we've committed together?..

Luther: Alice, I don't care who gets hurt. All right? Knock yourself out, break legs, but no one dies.
Alice: I really don't see why it matters.
Luther: I know you don't, but it still does.

Mark: So the last I heard you were...
Alice: Well, quite, but apparently only the good die young.
Mark: Well, then, congratulations. You can expect to live forever.

Benny: You know, I always thought she'd be the end of you. I didn't think she'd be the end of us all.
Luther: Yeah, well, Benny... It's going to get worse. A lot worse.

Luther: I take you down. I take you, your family, everything. Brick by brick. You'll be the king of a smoking hill, mate.

Alice: I'm not apologising for what's happened, I'm regretting what's to come.

Palmer: I'm not here to listen. This isn't a dialogue. And now your friend is dead.

Benny: Boss, I need you to kill this prick for me... White. 6'1". Dark hair. Brown eyes. Muscular build...

--
On the IMDb
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The Vile Village: Part One

A Series of Unfortunate Events 2×5

Lemony Snicket: If the story of the Baudelaire orphans was a car trip, it would be unpleasant, uncomfortable, and interminably long.

Lemony Snicket: It is the Baudelaires' destiny to arrive here. But you could be someplace else. And within moments, you'll most certainly wish you were...

Mr. Poe: "It takes a village to raise a child." What a lovely, lovely aphorism. An aphorism is a phrase that can sound mysterious, but, in fact, is very wise.

Mr. Poe: Instead of having one guardian, who could be murdered or end up in cahoots scheme with a villain, you'll have hundreds of people caring for you all at once. What could go wrong?

Mr. Poe: I'm delighted to tell you the Baudelaires are now yours—
Count Olaf: That was easy.
Mr. Poe: Yours and everyone else's. I've delivered them to this town's aphorism-based guardianship program, It Takes a Village. Mazel tov!
Count Olaf: L'Heimlich!

Count Olaf: Okay. Last call. Anything else I can get you aside from the check?

Mr. Poe: Enjoy the communal raising of children. My wife and I decided to raise Edgar and Albert on our own. It took one trip to a kibbutz to realize that... Gesundheit.

Count Olaf: I do not want one more speck of dust invading the nostrils of the nose of the woman I love.
Esmé Squalor: I love when you talk about my mucus membranes.
Count Olaf: Oh, I'm not sure which I love more, your membranes or your mucus.

Count Olaf: This is a small town filled with regular folk. We need to blend in with plain, normal, upstanding, heartfelt, decent, simple, dependable, respectable people... The bonnet might be a bit much.

Esmé Squalor: Ciao. Hello. Greetings, VFD. My name is Officer Sabrina Pepper Anastasia Marigold. But you may call me Officer Luciana, your new chief of police.

Hook-Handed Man: What do we supposed to do now?
White Faced Woman #1: That's the trouble with small towns.
White Faced Woman #2: Once you infiltrate the police force, there's nothing much to do.
Bald Man: Vandalism?

Count Olaf: Welcome to the Firehouse Saloon. I have extremely pricey beverages which you have to pay cash for.
Jacques Snicket: I'll take a tall glass of Justice on the rocks... with a garnish of Your Wicked Schemes Stop Here.
Count Olaf: We're all out. But I can pour you a double shot of You'll Never Take Me Alive.

---

Hector: It's a mile away as the crows fly.
Klaus: You mean "as the crow flies," the shortest distance between two points.
Hector: No, literally, I mean as the crows fly.
Klaus: .... Awesome! That's a word that means inspiring awe.

Count Olaf: Trapped... Caught like a trap in a rat.

Lemony Snicket: There are many expressions to describe someone who is going about something in the wrong way. "Making a mistake" is one way. "Screwing up" is another, although it is a bit rude. "Attempting to rescue Lemony Snicket by writing letters to a congressperson instead of digging an escape tunnel" is a third way, although it is a bit too specific. But there is one expression that describes the Baudelaires' situation perfectly, and as soon as the murder of crows embarked on their morning migration... the Baudelaires saw that they were barking up the wrong tree.

Lemony Snicket: All over the world, people tell themselves doing chores is useful, just as they tell themselves that an apple is as delicious as a cookie or that television is an important cultural art form...

Jacques Snicket: It's not an eye. Look closer. It's three letters...
Violet: "VFD."

Jacques Snicket: Listen, I may need some help after all. Ever break a man out of prison?
Klaus: How hard can it be?
Jacques Snicket: That's the spirit.

Count Olaf: I'm tired of books, Snicket. The world is dark and horrible. You know what makes it brighter?.. Sapphires.

Jacques Snicket: If you reinvestigate your ethical priorities, you could help repair the world instead of filling it with smoke.

Count Olaf: I thought having prisoners would be fun. But it's like having a pet or an in-law. You can lock them up, then you have to feed them.

Lemony Snicket: There is a word to describe a large number of crows. It is not a pleasant word. It is full of sorrow and sadness... A large number of crows is called a murder.

Count Olaf: They said... "Count Olaf has been murdered."

--
+ Quotes on the IMDb

Operation Finale (2018)

Adolph Eichmann: ...these were the deeds and demands of others. I issued no such orders. Our work was paperwork, our war a numerical one. And though I struggled against endless idiocy, I only did what little I could in Germany's fight against her enemies.

Klaus Eichmann: I'm told things.
Lothar Hermann: What things?
Klaus Eichmann: Oh, the Jews, clawing power back, taking jobs, corrupting everything, like before. But, of course, there are plenty of them here too so... My uncle says they pop up everywhere, like mushrooms after rain.

Mrs. Malkin: : Don't come complaining to me if you get sick after eating cold soup!

David Ben-Gurion: Our memory reaches back through recorded history. The book of memory still lies open. And you here now are the hand that holds the pen. If you succeed, for the first time in our history we will judge our executioner. And we will warn off any who wishes to follow his example. If you fail, he escapes justice, perhaps forever. I beg you. Do not fail.

Adolph Eichmann: My name is Ricardo Klement. I'm a Jew from Palestine... I was born in Serona, the German quarter. I know my prayers. Listen. Shma Yisrael, adonai elohenu, adonai echad. You see? You've made a mistake.

Adolph Eichmann: The Architect... of the Final Solution?
Zvi Aharoni: Do you deny your title?
Adolph Eichmann: We love nicknames. They used to call me the Little Jew. Did you know that?

Adolph Eichmann: You have no interest in what I have to say. Unless it confirms what you think you already know.

Adolph Eichmann: By the end, I was chained to my desk. Twenty hours a day. My job was simple: Save the country I loved from being destroyed. Is your job any different?

Peter Malkin: The truth will out.
Adolph Eichmann: What is truth? Whose truth?

Peter Malkin: Is it true you called the camps "liquidation machines"?
Adolph Eichmann: Mengele called you all kosher salami. Everyone used flippant terms for dirty work.
Peter Malkin: To make us seem like animals.
Adolph Eichmann: We're all animals. Fighting for scraps on the Serengeti. Some of us just have bigger teeth than others.

Adolph Eichmann: For years, I got your people out of the country. That was my solution. I wanted the Jews sent to Madagascar.
Peter Malkin: Yes, dying of malaria is nicer than poisoned gas. Very thoughtful of you.
Adolph Eichmann: Other countries wouldn't take you...

Peter Malkin: It wasn't just me, Raf.
Adolph Eichmann: Ah. It doesn't matter anyway. No one's gonna know it was us. History only remembers the tall people.
Peter Malkin: What about Napoleon?
Adolph Eichmann: Who?

--
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