Nathaniel Needs My Help!

Crazy Ex-Girlfriend 3×8

Rebecca: Wait, since when do you use the word schlep?
Nathaniel: Oh, well, I've been watching a lot of Seinfeld. I have a Jewish girlfriend, after all...
Rebecca: Girlfriend?!
Nathaniel: Wow, you are squealing a lot today.
Rebecca: Only 'cause you're such a mensch.

Rebecca: Oh, Nathan-ay-el...

Paula: I am trying not to meddle in people's lives so much, but I can see you need help... Also, catalog shopping and judging people are two of my best events, so...

Paula: Oh, this is easy. Here we go... Okay, rapid-fire: Crooked nose, snaggletooth, from Nevada, weird mole, dumb scarf, likes cats, dimple on one side, clearly drunk, no chin, sloping chin, three chins, vegetarian—
Darryl: Oh, my God, I didn't notice all these bad things!

Paula: ...she's the only one who did not mention the beach or her dog or going to the beach with her dog. Also, no duck lips, no contouring, no fake eyelashes, no posing on a flamingo float. She is the one. I don't even have a second choice.

Paula: Do you have the egg or not?!

Bert: Listen, Rebecca, I know how easy it is to get obsessed. I also get intense about stuff. I get very maniacally fixated on things, and that's why they thought that I was a paranoid schizophrenic, but they were obviously wrong! I am borderline, and that's why I can't trust them or anyone else, because they're all out to get me!

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Rebecca: Sorry, but you're my driver and my wingman and co-conspirator and my suicide prevention buddy. What don't you understand about this relationship?

Darryl: I am so nervous. What if my swimmers are no good? What if I can never again climb the sacred mountain of fatherhood?

Mrs. Hernandez: Oh, God, this is gonna be gross...

Rebecca: Ah, I'm amazing!
George: I... no, I don't think you're seeing this the way people are gonna see it.

Josh: When you think about it... Rebecca's everywhere.

Josh: She changed me. Made me think my life could be different. I could be special... My God, she ruined me. I spent my whole life in flip-flops and she made me want closed-toed shoes. I can't go back to my old life. I-I got to find a new life!

Rebecca: So, what, I can never have a great relationship because I have borderline personality disorder, is that what you're saying?

Paula: I've been thinking about ways to raise money. Here they are, rapid-fire: Bake sale, car wash, lap dances in the office... Here me out.

Rebecca: Nathaniel, I, uh... I have to do something I've never done before.
Nathaniel: What?

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