Ja'loja

The Orville 2×1

Capt. Mercer: You know what the worst days are, Olix?... The days when you can't stay busy. No Krill confrontations, no spatial anomalies, just nothing going on and all your thoughts just march inward.
Olix: So most days.

Bortus: Sir, you are aware that Moclans urinate only once per year... It is my time.

Capt. Mercer: Now... Kelly?..
Kelly: ...We're diverting course to Moclus to... watch Bortus... pee.

Gordon: What if it's, like... a windy day?

Kelly: Okay. Any questions?
Lamarr: Yeah, like a million, but I'm not gonna ask.

Capt. Mercer: I've been trying to figure out how to keep my brain busy just so I can stop thinking about... You know, I-I played backgammon with Isaac last week, Kelly. Backgammon. That is a low point for a man.

Kelly: Ed, timing is everything—
Capt. Mercer: Oh, come on! That's a cliché and it's a bunch of crap... People love saying that but it blows free will out the airlock. If two people care about each other, the choice to love should transcend timing and anything less is cowardice.

Tyler: Uh, can I ask our course heading?
Capt. Mercer: We're on our way to watch our second officer go to the bathroom... Anyway, welcome.

Isaac: Is there a reason your son has become uncharacteristically combative?
Dr. Finn: Isaac, I have no idea. I never raised a teenager before, and I don't have a clue as to how to get to him. It's like he hates me for no reason...
Isaac: Have you examined him for unidentified viruses or neurological disease?

---

Dr. Finn: My gosh, what's the matter with you?
Isaac: I am merely trying to assist.
Dr. Finn: Okay, well, then just... play something sweet and jazzy.

Gordon: Feels like too many zippers.
Lamarr: Oh, no, no. Always go with one more zipper than you're comfortable with.

Dann: We're just not super appealing, I guess. But sometimes a person can be special on the inside, and if you don't look under the surface, you could miss something great...

Gordon: Okay, this is level eight. What's level nine?
Lamarr: Level nine, she's still dating the guy.
Gordon: And level ten?
Lamarr: She's married and has a gun.
Gordon: So what do I do?
Lamarr: Just be creative, be charming. Figure it out.
Gordon: ... I have six months left to live, and all I want to do is get to know you before I die.

Dr. Finn: Isaac, do you think I'm a bad parent?
Isaac: Yes.
Dr. Finn: Well, a computer doesn't lie...
Isaac: You appear displeased.

Dr. Finn: Parenting is always guesswork, but... have I made too many bad guesses?

Cassius: I was actually defending you, and she said that I was being "too evolved," and I told her to calm down, and...
Capt. Mercer: Ooh. Ooh, you didn't say "calm down."

Capt. Mercer: Here's my theory. A woman can't really love a man unless he's part dope. Be a little stupid every day, and really stupid once in a while, but... just don't be perfect.
Cassius: That's not easy.

Cassius: Okay. Let's all just try to calm dow... err... try to be respectful of the process here.

Bortus: In the sight of those who stand with me, and those for whom I would sacrifice my being, I begin...
the release... Kalaskacha. Mech-gadlas fekto... roschas... baaaam... val... Ja'loja!

Olix: My friend, I have learned never to make predictions in matters of love. I'm usually dead wrong...

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