Everything Is Bonzer!

The Good Place 3×1

Chapter 27

Michael: Oh, wow! I was just on Earth. It was incredible. The... the traffic, the pigeons. And I saw this place that was, at once, a Pizza Hut and a Taco Bell! I mean, oh! The mind reels. A Pizza Hut and a Taco Bell! Ah! Oh, Janet, it was everything I ever imagined...

Chidi: Wait, you flew all the way here from Arizona just to see me?
Eleanor: You know what, don't flatter yourself, pal— Sorry, that's a knee-jerk reaction. Yes, that's exactly what I did. And I know that seems zonk-atronic... that's Khloe's word for crazy... but I need someone to help guide me, morally speaking. And I think I need it to be you. What do you say? Will you help me become a good person?

Chidi: I'll start you off with some introductory philosophy books, and then we'll meet here once a week.
Eleanor: Great. Ideally, some of those books will have been made into a movie or maybe a funny GIF— But anything's good with me, man.

Chidi: ...So for Aristotle, virtue is practical. Goodness isn't something that a person just inherently has. It's something that she achieves through her actions. Questions?
Eleanor: Uh, yeah, a few. I wrote down "what?" "huh?" And then this doodle of a burrito because when I first read Aristotle, I thought it was pronounced like Chipotle. Wait a minute, is it "Chip-o-tottle"?

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Chapter 28

Chidi: If you must know, it was very chaste. We didn't even kiss.
Eleanor: Because you chickened out?
Chidi: I did! Yeah, I totally chickened out, and I am so mad at myself.
Eleanor: Well, hey, maybe it wasn't the right moment. Knowing the two of you nerds, your first kiss is going to be while reading Plato in an MRI machine.

Michael: I'm sure you're already rolling in dough from this incredible scam, but have you thought about merch? Because we could, uh, we could partner here. I made a fortune selling Nirvana Orbs, which is to say, driving range golf balls that I painted silver.
Tahani: That's awful.
Michael: No, it's healing. Wink.

Michael: You and I are the same. I love what you're doing here. You get to be rich and famous and not have to do any of the work of helping people.
Tahani: But I am helping people! You need to go right now.
Michael: Suit yourself. Look, if you change your mind, I'm online. Just Google "crystals that prevent erectile dysfunction."

Jason: We are going to win this dance competition. How, you ask? By working. We are going to eat, breathe, and vape dance. I want you thinking about dance 24/7. That means every day, you think 20 thoughts about dance for seven minutes.

Judge: How's it going?
Janet: So good. I mean, everything is going according to plan, and nothing is going differently from the plan.
Michael: Yes, that's a very not weird way to put it.

Simone: So this is our MRI machine. ... Each of you will get a chance in here eventually. Hopefully, none of you is claustrophobic.
Jason: Clausterphobic? Who would ever be scared of Santa Claus?.. Oh! The Jewish.
Eleanor: Are you from Florida?

Tahani: That should be fine for me. It's roughly the same size as Nicole Kidman's cryogenic anti-aging chamber, and I've never had a problem in there.

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