Someday...

The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel 2×8

Midge: I know it by heart. Days one and two, D.C. Day three, Philly. Day four, Harrisburg. Day five, back home for the gig at the new club on 23rd.

Jackie: I like Utah. They'll think you're Mormon and leave you alone. I mean, no one talks to Mormons unless they have to.

Midge: You said it's your mother's car. You stole your mother's car?
Susie: Hey, she stole my childhood. I think we're even.

Susie: I'll handle it.
Midge: Great plan. We'll just cross our fingers and hope for the best.
Jackie: It's how I live my life... just sort of half-assed and completely random.

Midge: Take Wyoming... Wyoming's full of cowboys and tough hombres, and cops are less likely to pull us over 'cause they won't want to mess with us. Plus, it's got a horse, and I like the horse.

Midge: I signed my first autograph tonight.
Abe: A complete stranger asked you to put your signature down on a piece of paper and you did it?
Midge: Yes. She was very excited, too.
Abe: Well, of course she was. Now she can forge your signature on a check...

Abe: Marry Benjamin, and everything will be fine.
Midge: I don't know if I'm going to marry Benjamin...
Abe: Marry somebody, and everything will be fine.
Midge: Okay.
Abe: To be clear, I mean marry somebody at city hall.

Abe: Miriam, please, I have no time to concern myself with my children's feckless behavior. I'm a man of science, engaged in complex research at the highest levels on incredibly important scientific matters.
♪ I went to the bathroom by myself ♪
♪ Big, big boy went by himself ....♪

Midge: Allow me. Verla, my dear friend Imogene here will have the hot pastrami Reuben on rye, chicken in a pot, potato knish, matzo ball soup, cheese Danish, a lime rickey, and a couple of black-and-whites for dessert.
Verla: And some Bromo-Seltzer to go?
Midge: You bet.

Susie: Just because it's not wrapped in a pink box like some party cake doesn't make it garbage.
Midge: Why didn't you bring a suitcase?
Susie: I don't have one.
Midge: What do you use for vacations?
Susie: My imagination?

Midge: America, here we come!

---

Susie: The Eisenhower penis tour has begun!

Midge: So no one's bringing up my bags?
Susie: No. It's a motel. You want 'em, you go get 'em.... Do not look at me.
Midge: Fine. I'm gonna go down to get the bags and carry them up myself. After all, this trip is about trying new things and expanding my horizons...
Susie: It's bags, not a threesome with Marilyn Monroe and Arthur Miller.

Midge: Sure you don't want to come?
Susie: Mm. Only you can expand your horizons, Miriam.
Midge: New things!

Joel: Now, listen, and you listen good. I swear to motherfucking God, if anything happens to Midge on this trip, I'm gonna fucking kill you. I don't care that you're a girl, or short, I will rip your head off and use it to play catch with my kid. She's the mother of my children. If you fuck this up, I want you to think of the worst possible thing that could ever happen to you, and I want you to triple it and add a hobbling. You got it?

Midge: I'll never unsee that. The sheer size...

Susie: Go to bed. Dream of puppies.

Susie: Well, hello...
Midge: What now?
Susie: Nothing. Just a lot of things to say hello to in this room.

Midge: I just think you should hear one more thing.....
Susie: Did I die?
Midge: Maybe. You really need to see a doctor.

Susie: Starving.
Midge: Bathroom. Fix.
Susie: Counter. Eat.
Midge: Coffee.

Susie: You have 500 things in that case. You got nothing for bites?
Midge: I could do some mascara for you. Maybe a little eyeliner.
Susie: How's that gonna help?
Midge: It'll make your eyes look bigger, and that'll draw attention away from the rest of your face.

Susie: ...you, like a blind-mute baby with no arms.

— Collect call from Miriam Maisel for Abe or Rose Weissman. Do you accept the charges?
Abe: I don't know. What are my options?

Abe: Miriam, I have to go. I just heard the words "potato salad." There's only so much a man can take in his own house.

Susie: Everyone in this idiotic business is an idiot. You ever meet someone in show business who's not an idiot, then they're an asshole. It's a business of idiots and assholes.

Midge: You ever read the Book of Job?
Susie: My mom read it to me every year on my birthday.

Midge: That's why New York is so great, though. Everyone you care about can despise you and you can still find a bagel so good, nothing else matters. Who needs love when you've got lox? They both stink but only one tastes good.

Midge: Unfortunately, sometimes to make things work in a man's world, you need a man. That's just the way it is, Susie.
Susie: I would have found a way to take care of it. You may be some kind of damsel in distress, but I'm not.
Midge: No, you were a damsel in di-closet. Someday...
Susie: Yeah. Someday.

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