The Ersatz Elevator: Part Two

A Series of Unfortunate Events 2×4

Lemony Snicket: I've read hundreds of newspaper articles, diaries, and more than one lavishly illustrated catalog in an attempt to understand the sad story of the Baudelaire orphans. The horrors I have found are best expressed not with words but with a sound you'll hear later in this episode. It's the sound of a long scream in the dark.

Lemony Snicket: If you continue to watch, I'm sorry to say, you may find yourself screaming as well.

Doorperson: Sorry for being suspicious. You can't be too careful with an actor on the loose.

Esmé Squalor: Let him rest. Sleep is natural part of life. Like cosmetics or frivolous lawsuits.

Olivia Caliban: I feel like I barely know anything about any of this.
Jacques Snicket: Let me bring you up to speed. The Quagmire kidnapping is the result of a murder, which is the result of an arson, which is the result of a moving violation, a misdemeanor, two poison darts, three civil suits and a stolen object.
Olivia Caliban: Ugh. The world is more complicated than I thought.
Jacques Snicket: That's usually the case.

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Esmé Squalor: If I knew adopting the Baudelaires would bring you back, I would've orphaned them myself.

Lemony Snicket: It may be difficult to believe, but at any given moment, someone somewhere is in a dangerous situation and other people in some other place are dancing and having a good time. The world is often like this. A celebration here, terrible trouble just outside the door...

Jacques Snicket: So, you're with us?
Olivia Caliban: I'm with you.
Jacques Snicket: To the bitter end?
Olivia Caliban: Is the end going to be bitter?
Jacques Snicket: We won't know until we get there.
Olivia Caliban: How fast can we get there?

Mr. Poe: Don't let the despicable man escape for a sixth time!

— Red herring!
Lemony Snicket: The words "red herring" do not only refer to a type of foraging fish that may have a crimson hue due to being smoked or painted with excessive nail polish. They can also refer to a distracting or misleading clue, such as a box marked VFD that had nothing to do with a secret organization or a pair of kidnapped triplets.

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