Vote for Kennedy, Vote for Kennedy

The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel 2×9

Abe: I didn't get a "there you go." I like a nice "there you go." Or even an enthusiastic "enjoy."
Rose: Start a new subject, Miriam.
Midge: Well... there's a telethon next week. You hear about it?

Zelda: Anything wrong, Miss Miriam?
Midge: Try everything.

Rose: You can't eat with the children.
Midge: Why not?
Rose: They're not used to it. You'll scare them.

Rose: Are you even ready to appear on television?
Midge: There's only one way to find out.

Shirley: Ha! You lose again. I'm whomping your ass!
Joel: Really, Ma, playing War with him shouldn't be scarier than actual war.
Shirley: He has to learn about losing. Losing is a part of life.

Shirley: Okay. You want to make this interesting? Ask Daddy for cash.

Abe: Let the record show that there are no men in Abraham Weissman's Advanced Differential Equations course. Just a sad collection of fatuous, imbecilic, puerile, blithering milksops!

Abe: I have one more math problem for all of you to solve... Ready? Here it is... "All of you... plus "X" equals... "competence." Solve for "X." What is "X"? It's "competence." Because none of you have any. You're all incompetent. You'll never work in any field that has the word "advanced" in front of it. You'll simply be overqualified dishwasher repairmen. I keep telling you that and you keep coming back. Well, don't. Get out!

Abe: Waste of a good triangular wave...

Midge: You ever rehearse an argument you plan on having with someone in your head, and during the rehearsal you're perfectly reasonable and they're a jerk? And then the argument actually happens and they're reasonable but that's not how you rehearsed it, so you become the jerk?

Susie: No, no. Don't laugh. Wasn't funny. Nope. I call a joke like that a 50-percenter. It's 50% there. You get laughs from people who are drunk or super easy to please, but that's not good enough. Not good enough for me, not good enough for her. Nope, nope, nope.

---

Sal: You're down for five minutes at 2150.
Susie: At what?
Sal: We do military time. 2150 is 9:50 at night. If you get confused, just add the number 12 to whatever time it is.
Susie: Add what to what?

Simon: Look, you're a brilliant mathematician, but an uncooperative colleague and a very poor teacher.
Abe: With tenure.
Simon: What about it?
Abe: You can't fire me.
Simon: I don't intend to... What could possibly be funny about this, Abe?
Abe: I was just thinking about the irony of tenure...
Simon: What irony?
Abe: Well, for instance, the fact that I could take this cheese knife and stick it in your eye, and the university would still have to pay me. I'd be in jail, but I'd still be paid.
Simon: Are you seriously thinking of doing that?
Abe: ... No.
Simon: You hesitated.
Abe: ... Yes. I did.

Rose: Bathrooms and parks are not the same.
Midge: Tell that to a dog.
Rose: Is all this from your comedy routine?
Midge: It is now.

Joel: 60 grand?... Pop, this is a fortune! It's... it's a house, it's...
Moishe: What I owe you. Plus interest. Plus guilt. Plus more guilt. Lots of compounded guilt.
Joel: Where'd you get it?
Moishe: Your mother's not the only one that hid money.

Susie: So he said you add 12 to get the right time. It's 4:00 in the afternoon now. Add 12. That means you're going on at 4:00 in the fucking morning?
Midge: No, that's not right. I'm on at 2150.
Susie: Right. Add 12, which means you're on at... 3350?
Midge: That can't be right, either. He meant subtract 12. It's 4:00 now. If you subtract 12, that means I go on at... minus 8:00... That doesn't make sense, either.
Susie: What the fuck's wrong with just saying the time?

Abe: It's okay if you've killed people. I'm sure they had it coming.
Noah: I don't kill people! I don't... I don't kill people... I don't even put bullets in that damn gun.
Abe: I understand that you have to say that.

Midge: Why didn't she just kick us out altogether?
Susie: Because she's a sadist. It's death by a thousand cuts.

Rose: So this is really happening...

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