26 нояб. 2011 г.

Two and a Half Men 1x24

Can You Feel My Finger

& Charlie: Boy, don’t you just hate when that happens...
    Alan: Wait, so this is a common occurrence?! Don’t you take precautions?
    Charlie: Of course. But, come on, you’ve never found yourself in a slow elevator without a condom?.. Look who I’m asking.

& Alan: Okay, so we need soap, razor blades, cotton balls...
    Charlie: Cotton balls, that reminds me.
    Alan: Reminds you of what?
    Charlie: Ribbed, for her pleasure... Ultra thin, for mine... Fiesta colors for, I suppose... fiestas. And extra-strength, double latex, for coyote Tuesdays. Boy, if women knew the trouble we go to.

& Dr. Sperlock: ...you’ll be able to perform exactly as you did before.
    Charlie: Great. But what about like creativity? See, I write music for a living. Will I still be able to do that?
    Dr. Sperlock: Do you write with your testicles?
    Charlie: No.
    Dr. Sperlock: Then it shouldn’t be a problem.

& Jake: Can I go play in my room?
    Alan: Jake, Grandma came all the way over here to spend some time with you.
    Evelyn: Alan, don’t use guilt as a control mechanism. He should only spend time with me if he wants to.
    Jake: So I can go, right?
    Alan: Run!


& Evelyn: So, Charles, back to your pee-pee.
    Alan: I’m done. Can I go play in my room?
    Charlie: There’s nothing wrong with it. I’m just getting a vasectomy.
    Evelyn: You must really hate me.
    Charlie: Are we changing the subject?
    Evelyn: How can you have a vasectomy without consulting me? You’re selfishly robbing me of grandchildren.
    Alan: You’ve got grandchildren.
    Evelyn: Oh, big whoop, one.

& Jake: Are you sick?
    Charlie: No. I’m perfectly healthy. It’s a procedure so that I don’t have babies by accident.
    Jake: Yeah, like we had to do with Scout.
    Charlie: Scout?
    Jake: The dog we had. Couldn’t keep it in his fur.
    Alan: Keep going, you’re doing great.
    Charlie: Jake, it’s not exactly the same with people as with dogs.
    Jake: I know. Why don’t you just use a condom?

& Dr. Sperlock: Okay, let’s see what we’re up against here... Woof. That’s quite a haircut. Looks like my grandma in a bathing cap.

& Alan: Unbelievable!
    Charlie: Let it go, Alan.
    Alan: Who goes in for a vasectomy and comes out with a date?
    Charlie: What? I’m a man, she’s a woman.
    Alan: A woman who two minutes after you met her was shaving your scrotum.
    Charlie: So we skipped ahead a little.

& Jake: You feeling any calmer, Uncle Charlie?
    Charlie: What do you mean?
    Jake: When Scout had his operation, he got real calm. Then he got fat and only wanted to sleep behind the dryer.

--
+ quotes on the Imdb.

And this was

The End of Season One

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