Can You Feel My Finger
Alan: Wait, so this is a common occurrence?! Don’t you take precautions?
Charlie: Of course. But, come on, you’ve never found yourself in a slow elevator without a condom?.. Look who I’m asking.
& Alan: Okay, so we need soap, razor blades, cotton balls...
Charlie: Cotton balls, that reminds me.
Alan: Reminds you of what?
Charlie: Ribbed, for her pleasure... Ultra thin, for mine... Fiesta colors for, I suppose... fiestas. And extra-strength, double latex, for coyote Tuesdays. Boy, if women knew the trouble we go to.
& Dr. Sperlock: ...you’ll be able to perform exactly as you did before.
Charlie: Great. But what about like creativity? See, I write music for a living. Will I still be able to do that?
Dr. Sperlock: Do you write with your testicles?
Charlie: No.
Dr. Sperlock: Then it shouldn’t be a problem.
& Jake: Can I go play in my room?
Alan: Jake, Grandma came all the way over here to spend some time with you.
Evelyn: Alan, don’t use guilt as a control mechanism. He should only spend time with me if he wants to.
Jake: So I can go, right?
Alan: Run!
& Evelyn: So, Charles, back to your pee-pee.
Alan: I’m done. Can I go play in my room?
Charlie: There’s nothing wrong with it. I’m just getting a vasectomy.
Evelyn: You must really hate me.
Charlie: Are we changing the subject?
Evelyn: How can you have a vasectomy without consulting me? You’re selfishly robbing me of grandchildren.
Alan: You’ve got grandchildren.
Evelyn: Oh, big whoop, one.
& Jake: Are you sick?
Charlie: No. I’m perfectly healthy. It’s a procedure so that I don’t have babies by accident.
Jake: Yeah, like we had to do with Scout.
Charlie: Scout?
Jake: The dog we had. Couldn’t keep it in his fur.
Alan: Keep going, you’re doing great.
Charlie: Jake, it’s not exactly the same with people as with dogs.
Jake: I know. Why don’t you just use a condom?
& Dr. Sperlock: Okay, let’s see what we’re up against here... Woof. That’s quite a haircut. Looks like my grandma in a bathing cap.
& Alan: Unbelievable!
Charlie: Let it go, Alan.
Alan: Who goes in for a vasectomy and comes out with a date?
Charlie: What? I’m a man, she’s a woman.
Alan: A woman who two minutes after you met her was shaving your scrotum.
Charlie: So we skipped ahead a little.
& Jake: You feeling any calmer, Uncle Charlie?
Charlie: What do you mean?
Jake: When Scout had his operation, he got real calm. Then he got fat and only wanted to sleep behind the dryer.
--
+ quotes on the Imdb.
And this was
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