House M.D. 8x8

Perils of Paranoia

& Tommy: I’m gonna need a continuance.
    Judge: Now? You’re one answer away from destroying their whole defense! {...} Let’s finish this up.
    Tommy: I can’t.
    Judge: Why the hell not?
    Tommy: Because I think I’m having a heart attack.

& Chase: They get to just hang out and do nothing?
    House: If you need help, you can take whoever you want.
    Chase: I’ll take Taub.
    Adams: I’ll take Taub.
    House: Interesting...
    Park: No, it’s not.
    Adams: It was a 50/50 choice! I’m totally fine with Taub or Park.
    Chase: Cool. I’ll take Taub.

& House: Well, you obviously found something.
    Park: Yeah. A hidden bunker with enough guns to defend Fort Knox.     Or break into it.
    House: Cool.

& Adams: You’re not gonna believe this.
    House: Imperio absenti chaos regit. He’s worried that “too big to fail” applies to our banks but not our government.
    Adams: How’d you know?
    House: Because that’s what every idiot with a bunker full of assault rifles is scared of.

& Park: I don’t own a gun. I’ve thought about it, but I’d probably end up shooting someone in my own family, like when my brother tosses his toenail clippings behind the couch. What about you?
    Taub: If anarchy breaks out, I plan to do what my ancestors have done throughout the ages... run.

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& House: He’s not paranoid. He’s just stupid.
    Wilson: Well, shouldn’t you put yourself in that group? You own a gun.
    House: Our patient doesn’t own a gun. He owns an arsenal. And... I don’t own a gun.

& Adams: So why didn’t you want to go with her this morning?
    Chase: She’s weird.
    Adams: She’s not weird. She’s a good doctor.
    Chase: Most good doctors are weird. Look at House.
    Adams: Am I weird?
    Chase: Yeah, but you’re hot, so it’s easier to put up with. You’re completely normal and a pleasure to deal with.
    Adams: You’re weird.
    Chase: In a good way?

& House: It looks absolutely nothing like frostbite.
    Ethan: You serious?
    House: With some difficulty.
    Ethan: Then what is it?
    House: A sign that you need to take a long vacation. At least a month.
    Ethan: A vacation? Wait, is this like a bucket list thing? It’s cancer.
    House: It’s silver. I’m guessing silver nitrate mixed with petroleum jelly that your boss put on the petty cash so he’d know who to have arrested for stealing it.
    Ethan: Damn.
    House: Yeah, damn. It’s diffused into your skin, and the only way to get rid of it is to get new skin. That normally happens every 30 days. So I hear that La Crosse, Wisconsin has got the world’s largest beer can.

& Wilson: Gotcha!
    House: You poor dumb bastard.

& Wilson: Well, you don’t have a gun, but you do have my sunglasses, my tennis racket... I can’t imagine why...
    House: Had to kill a mouse. It was really hard with those stupid little sunglasses.
    Wilson: And my money clip.
    House: Was there any money in it?
    Wilson: Not anymore.

& Foreman: You’re an ass. You know that?
    Taub: What’s the problem? Some cute young nurse baked you cookies?
    Foreman: No, some guy almost caught me making out with his wife in their living room.
    Taub: And how exactly is that my fault?

& Wilson: All right.
    House: All right, what?
    Wilson: You win.
    House: And it feels good.
    Wilson: Grr.

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On Imdb.