30 Rock 3x11

St. Valentine's Day

& Drew: Good morning, regular person Lemon.

& Drew: How ’bout... Friday?
    Liz: Oh, no. On Friday I have a stupid... show. How ’bout Saturday?
    Drew: Saturday, uh... Okay. I guess that doesn’t have to be weird.
    Liz: Okay then.
    Drew: Okay. Valentine’s day it is.
    Liz: Saturday is Valentine’s day?!

& Jake: I’ll be in church.
    Liz: What? Why?
    Jake: Elisa is deeply religious.
    Liz: If I had those knockers, I’d be thanking God too.

& Jake: Imagine a dessert for two... Tahitian vanilla bean in a pool of ice cream... drizzled in the world’s most expensive chocolate, Amadei porcelana... Covered with shaved white, black,and clear truffles... And topped with edible 25-karat gold leaf... Can you imagine anything better?
    Elisa: I don’t know, you ever put a doughnut in the microwave?

---

& Priest: Don’t you have faith?
    Jake: I have faith in things I can see, and buy, and regulate. Capitalism is my religion.

& Priest: I don’t know what to say.
    Jake: I don’t want you to say anything. I already made that clear.
    Priest: Then what... brought you here tonight?
    Jake: What brought me here? What brings anyone anywhere? Why do men build bridges? Why are there jets? I was hoping to have sex tonight! Have you ever made love to a woman, father? Come on, man. Imagine cradling your face into the curve of a velvety-soft... neck. Your hands cupping the warm heft of the greatest pair of...
    Priest: I need backup! Harvard did not preparme for this.

& Drew’s ’Ma’: Mandy, you look terrible.
    Liz: Oh, I’m not Mandy. I’m Liz.
    Drew’s ’Ma’: Mandy, you have to tell Drew something for me. The woman he thinks is his sister is really his mother.
    Liz: What?!
    Drew’s ’Ma’: I’m his grandmother. You have to tell him, or I won’t get into heaven.

& Jennifer: Well, if you could’ve talked to me, what could you have said?
    Ken: That you’re the sweetest, prettiest, blindest girl I’ve ever met. And when I’m with you, my heart jumps like a frog on July asphalt, right before it dies.
    Jennifer: You’re so beautiful on the inside, Kenneth Parcell... Can I feel your face?

& Jake: Boy, does that guy’s not planning to kill her and eat her?
    Elisa: Jack, you’re such a romantic.

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+ quotes on the Imdb.