Two and a Half Men 1x21

No Sniffing, No Wowing

& Charlie: If you’d listened to me in the first place, you wouldn’t be in this mess. I’m the one who told you not to marry her.
    Alan: You’re also the one who told me that if I jumped off the garage roof with a bath towel tied around my neck, I could fly to school.
    Charlie: The one time you listened to me...

& Laura: Now.
    Charlie: What?!
    Laura: I want you now!
    Charlie: You’ve gotta be kidding.
    Alan: Charlie, I’m paying her by the hour. Just listen to her and do what she says.
    Charlie: You’re the boss. I’ll get right on it.

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& Laura: I want you now.
    Charlie: But see, now’s really not a good time. I mean, you’re working with my brother and Crystal took a sick day. ... Okay, that’s a good point. Let me think this through. ... All right, there’s just one way to make this work.
    Laura: I don’t do threesomes, Charlie.
    Charlie: Then I’m stumped.

& Charlie: That was quick.
    Alan: Yeah, like every other time Judith screwed me.

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+ quotes on the Imdb.