My Name Is Earl 4x9

Sold a Guy a Lemon Car

& Earl: What do you see?
   Randy: It’s sort of a big, almond-shaped, white thing with sort of a... round, blue-greenish thing in the middle... It blinked. It’s an eye! He’s looking at us!!

& Joy: Hey, dimkoff! That’s German for dummy. Heard Colonel Klink say it to Hogan.

& Jane Seymour: You’ll have to win the science fair if you want to get the necklace.
   Joy: But how, Jane Seymour? I never understood science or chemistry or biology. You want to hear something funny?.. First time I used birth control pills, I put them inside me.

& Joy: Evolution! Jane Seymour wants me to disprove evolution!
   Darnell: It’s not porn if it’s on regular TV!!

& Joy: I’m going to prove that evolution’s a bunch of bull crap.
   Darnell: How are you going to do that?
   Joy: I’m gonna fill this up with water and put a fish in it, but its food is gonna be on this rock. When the fish gets hungry, he’s gonna have to grow legs and walk up here to eat. If he doesn’t, that proves there’s no evolution.

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& Joy: Tampon, condom, pacifier... fish!
   Earl: Kind of small, don’t you think?
   Joy: Maybe for eating, but not for science.

& Joy: Y’all got homeless coming through here now? That’s why I tell Darnell to break bottles before to throw them away.

& Lloyd: You’re the one from the eye hole. Stay tuned.

& Earl: Look... not everybody is scum.
   Lloyd: Think about it. People are only good till they get screwed over. You screwed me. I screwed the next person, and I’m sure they screwed somebody else, and it just kept going down the line.
   Earl: But what if it didn’t? What if somebody, broke the chain and was honest about the car?
   Lloyd: Impossible.

& Escobar: That sneaky little bitch ripped me off, with her face like a wrinkled yam and her lies. What she did was wrong. Evil and wrong.
   Earl: What did you do with the car?
   Escobar: I sold it to the next sucker. Hey, welcome to America.

& Lloyd: What makes you think I was building a bomb?
   Earl: I don’t know, uh, all the talk about... how you wouldn’t have to put up with the scum of the Earth anymore.
   Lloyd: Yeah... ’cause I’m launching myself into outer space in my man made rocket ship! Bomb?.. What do you think, I’m crazy?
   Earl: I don’t know how to answer that.

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On Imdb.