Two and a Half Men 1x15

Round One to the Hot Crazy Chick

& Alan: Charlie, let’s go, this woman is clearly a lunatic.
    Charlie: Yeah, but look at the passion, the fire, the ass.

& Charlie: Is this your car?
    Frankie: Do I look crazy to you?

& Frankie: Charlie, you wouldn’t happen to know of a place I could crash tonight, would you?..

& Alan: She’s taking her clothes off!
    Charlie: Yeah. Is this a great country or what?

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& Rose: So who’s the naked lady?
    Charlie: Not really sure. She was trashing a car with a baseball bat when we left the dentist’s office and, you know, one thing kind of led to another.
    Rose: So you met cute, that’s nice. But you know, you may want to be careful with a girl like that, Charlie. One day it’s baseball bats and windshields, the next day you wake up with your testicles Superglued to your thigh...
    Charlie: Point taken.
    Rose: ...I’m sorry about that, by the way.

& Frankie: Man, deep tissue massage, pancakes... If you had a TV on your forehead and could breathe through the ears you’d be perfect.

& Charlie: You are my brother. I don’t want to see you get your feelings hurt.
    Alan: You just assume that if we are both interested in the same woman you would come out on top? ... Aren’t you going to say anything?
    Charlie: What? There was no question there.

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+ quotes on the Imdb.