House M.D. 8x5

The Confession

& Foreman: As the new dean of medicine, I’d like to personally welcome all of our new employees and ask... why the hell do you want to come back?

& House: Oh, now, you two make a cute couple. And you two... It’s not important.

& Park: Dr. Park. You’re a lot taller than I thought you’d be.
    Taub: And... I look forward to working with you as well.

& House: These abrasions on his knees... they’re minty fresh...
    Park: About ten hours old. He got them playing flag football.
    House: He said he got them playing flag football. I’m sure that’s true if “flag” is a euphemism for “penis” and “football” is a euphemism for “entering a vagina.”
    Adams: Why lie about it?
    Taub: Everybody lies.

& House: Do an exercise test... see if you can get him to go back into V-fib again.
    Park: But we could end up causing another cardiac arrest.
    House: Hopefully. Then we’ll know what set it off.
    Chase: He means it’s better to do it here where we can revive him than have it happen somewhere else.
    House: The prodigal son has returned.

& Wilson: If you ever hear me mention anything about wanting kids, please feel free to punch me in the liver.
    Foreman: Why?
    Wilson: It’s like Satan’s alarm clock.

& Foreman: What’s House up to? He hasn’t asked me for anything. He’s been incredibly well-behaved. He’s doing his clinic hours.
    Wilson: That is a sign of concern.

& Taub: Quarters came in handy. My kids loved the massage bed.
    Park: Lab tests show the bed tested positive for, uh, semen, vaginal secretions, saliva, and fecal matter, both human and animal.
    House: Probably want to boil the kids for a couple hours when you get home...

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& Taub: Why is he so obsessed with my kids being my kids?.. Because he sees insecurity, and when House senses weakness, he pounces, and because his insecurity is the fact that other people can have faith and don’t have the obsessive need for physical proof.
    Wilson: Also, he started a betting pool on which kid is yours and which isn’t.
    Taub: ... An entire hospital betting on the legitimacy of my kids?! It’s great to be back among friends.

& Wilson: I’m not the bad guy here! I’m betting on them both being yours! I would have donated the money to charity...

& Adams: Maybe if everybody didn’t lie...
    House: Aw, that is cute. I’m talking about your breasts. They always get perky* when you’re being painfully earnest*. Truth... It’s uncomfortable, isn’t it? More truth... I only noticed because Chase was staring at them. He’d never admit it, because he doesn’t want to offend you. Same reason he’d never tell you that he’s thought about having sex with you. Although, to be fair, every man you’ve ever met has thought about having sex with you. They’ll lie, because if you knew... You probably wouldn’t want to have sex with them. And that’s just some of the lies from the last minute. And here’s a bigger one... you already knew this, but you pretend you don’t because it makes you feel civilized. Most people find it easier to ignore the truth. Ask Taub.

& House: Now we’re back to boring reality reality.

& Patient: I got one final confession to make.
    Chase: What’s left... you cheated on your taxes?

& Taub: I love them. I don’t care if one of them isn’t biologically mine.
    House: What about both?..

& House: New team, old team... I present... Phase one of operation outer office 2.0.
    Park: Nothing’s changed.
    House: Oh, everything has changed.
    Wilson: No.

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perky — дерзкий
earnest — серьезный; убежденный; ревностный

On Imdb.