Chaos Theory

& Ed: What would you do?
    Best Man: I’d be happy, man. Ha, ha. I mean, it’s Jesse. Everyone you know wants Jesse.
    Ed: What do you mean by that?!

& Frank Allen: Relax. Life is a mess. All you have to do is choose to love her the best way that you know how.

& Frank: Was she there with anyone, or, uh?
    Buddy: No, not really.
    Frank: Oh. Which is it? “Not” or, uh, “really”?
    Buddy: It’s hard to say.

& Susan: What is that?
    Frank: It’s your daughter.
    Susan: No. I don’t have a daughter this early.

& Paula: You know when you said that you imagined everyone in the audience naked?
    Frank: Oh, what’s this?
    Paula: Does that mean that you imagined me naked?
    Frank: Yeah, married. Uh, going on eight years now. Yeah.
    Paula: How did I look?
    Frank: Uh, just one. Jesse, she’s, uh, great. We’re talking about another one though, so... Whoo.

& Paula: You should’ve seen your face. The way you squirmed, like a squashed little snake.
    Frank: I love married men. Oh, my God!

& Susan: What the hell is that?
    Jesse: I’m calling him Abigail.
    Susan: Unbelievable. He’s dressed you as a princess, and bought you vermin.
    Jesse: He’s the best daddy ever!

& Susan: What’s gotten into you?
    Buddy: Fatherhood.

& Frank: Time. Efficiency. Organizational skills. Do any of you really give a shit? You’re here because your boss thinks... that if you keep your desk clear and your calendars streamlined... you’ll sell a few more computers, and who knows, maybe he’s right. But will that make you any happier?.. Will it prevent you from waking up one morning with an incurable disease?.. Will it stop your wife, Susan, from whoring around on you?

---

& Frank: Whim*... not thought. Chance... not planning. You are where you are today because you’ve been comatose. You’ve all lacked passion! Act on those passions. Succumb to your whim. Forge a new being, goddamn it. Do something before it’s too late! Say yes to whim! Say yes to chance! Say yes to chaos!

& Frank: Paula, right?
    Paula: Frank Allen. Are you still a, uh, time tamer?
    Frank: Are you still a home-wrecking bitch?
    Paula: Still gay?

& Frank: Why is my pillow wet?
    Paula: You cried in your sleep for two-and-a-half hours. Whimpering like a little girl. It was like soft hotel-porn... unsatisfying and sad.

& — Can I help you?
    Frank: I’d like a weapon, a gun, preferably. I need to shoot something tonight.

& Buddy: Look, you can’t do this to me, or you, I won’t let you. You’re gonna have to shoot me first.
    Frank: There’s a hell of an argument.
    Buddy: Give me that! Come on! ... Shooting me first was just a figure of speech. Oh, shit!
    Frank: Oh, that went all the way through.
    Buddy: I don’t think it’s smart to put holes in things that sink or breathe. But you’re the one with the gun. I can appreciate that.

& Jesse: They’re just dancing, Mommy.

& Frank: I wanna kill you!
    Buddy: Well, if I knew what you obviously know, I’d wanna kill me too.
    Frank: That’s understanding of you.

& Frank: You ever hear of chaos theory, Ed?.. It’s a science. It tries to determine underlying patterns in chaotic systems: weather, ocean currents, blood flow, that sort of thing. Well, it turns out that there are few things... more chaotic than the beat of a human heart. Speeding up, slowing down. A pretty face, a flight of stairs. It’s always changing depending on what’s happening to us out there. It’s an erratic son of a bitch. But underneath all of that bump-a-ta-bump mess, there is, in fact, a pattern. A truth. And it’s love. The most important thing about love is that we choose to give it... and we choose to receive it. Making it the least random act in the entire universe. It transcends blood, it transcends betrayal... and all the dirt that makes us human.

& Frank: You’re beautiful.
    Jesse: I’m nervous, Daddy.
    Frank: Jake loves you very much.
    Jesse: Ed.
    Frank: He loves you too, honey.

--
Whim — прихоть; каприз; блажь

+ quotes on the Imdb.