Two and a Half Men 1x14

I Can't Afford Hyenas

& Charlie: Yes!
    Jack: Yeah!
    Alan: Who won?
    Charlie: Who cares? We covered the spread.
    Alan: Charlie, call me an old-fashioned dad, but I was hoping my son wouldn’t start betting on sports until he was old enough to have a drinking problem.
    Charlie: He didn’t really make a bet. I just gave him a taste of my action.
    Alan: Nor do I want him tasting your action.
    Jack: Dad, without action, there’s no juice.
    Charlie: All of a sudden he’s Frank Sinatra.

& Charlie: I bet that’s the pizza.
    Jack: What’s the spread?

& Alan: ’Wonderful’ building...
    Charlie: What’s wrong with it?
    Alan: The phrase “reeks of urine” comes to mind.

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& Alan: Excuse me, maybe this is none of my business, but how does something like that happen?
    Accountant Stan: In layman’s terms, your brother ran out of money.

& Alan: Look, you know I’d help you if I could, but all my money’s going to my former wife, my former house, my former wife’s current lawyers and all their descendants.

& Rose: You think I’m crazy, don’t you? My dad and brother said I was crazy, but I think that was to form a power block to squeeze me off the Board of Directors.
    Charlie: Shame on them.
    Rose: I told them that you’d help me if I needed it. I mean, you’re the first guy I’ve ever met who hasn’t cared about my money. Who slept with me because he was drunk, not because I was rich.

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+ quotes on the Imdb.