House of Lies 1x4

Mini-Mogul

& Roscoe: I just want to go to Frisco and chill, okay?
    Marty: Okay, then we’ll chill. But don’t say “Frisco,” all right? Only losers say Frisco. We’re not losers. Am I right?

& Doug: Do you want to know why your score is so high? Because you try to hump anything with a Jinny, all right?
    Jeannie: Douglas, you say Jinny?

& Clyde: Regardless, the reason why I’m winning is because I don’t get bogged down in the romance.
    Doug: I like romance.
    Clyde: What I do is I tap that ass, shake it off, and move on.
    Doug: You’re a sex offender.
    Clyde: I tap and move, grasshopper. Just tap it...
    Roscoe: What are we tapping?
    Marty: Team, this is Roscoe. Roscoe, this is... this is the team.

& Marty: We’re playing Jacks with another kid this week. 20-year-old CEO Alex Katsnelson of NinjaKatz Technologies. Created the security software NKT.
    Doug: Yeah, the best hacker since Meitzer. A Harvard man too, so check it.
    Jeannie: No one’s gonna check it.

& Roscoe: What exactly do you guys do?
    Marty: That is the one question that we management consultants hate. So we have become Lords of the Dance. See, companies hire us to solve the case, you know, fix whatever it is that’s making them suck. So we come in and we give ’em advice. It’s something we call wags. Wild-ass guesses.
    Roscoe: You good at it?
    Marty: I’m very good at it.

---

& Alex Katsnelson: So... a chick, a Jew, a WASP, and a black guy walk into an office.
    Marty: You are a charmer.

& Clyde: Be Clooney.
    Doug: Clooney?
    Clyde: Yeah. Look at this. Clooney, man. Laugh at yourself. Stand by your ideals. Be one suave* motherfucker, and I guarante you will get women shimmying out of their skinny jeans so fast it’ll be fucking insane.
    Doug: So be suave, ideals... That’s a good one.
    Clyde: You don’t even have to write it down because this is all you need to know. Whenever you have any question of what you should be doing, just ask yourself this... what would Clooney do?
    Doug: Right. Right. Okay, okay. And what would Clooney do?
    Clyde: He would tap that fuckin’ ass!

& Marty: So you’re not a big Alex fan, I take it.
    Jeff: He can suck my fat brown dick.
    Marty: Not a fan.
    Jeff: Yeah, we made big plans, then he sells out for blood money. Now he’s trying to make up for it with some backdoor shit in his code, and he’s talking to corporate Jacks like you.
    Marty: So not a fan at all.

& Roscoe: What if there is this kid, and some big fat kid with a thyroid problem who picked on him at lunch, and the kid’s grandpa said just to ignore it, but the kid just wanted to fuck the little thyroid bitch up?
    Doug: You know, I actually had a case like this a few years back. There was this kid who, I mean, he was handsome. Not in the classic sense, but handsome. And smart. Was he smart! Genius level, really. Destined for Harvard.
    Roscoe: I get it.
    Doug: Right. And... There was this other kid... Who... tortured him. He really just... Tortured him. And the kid’s mom was, like, you know, “stop all the crying, Doug.” You know? But then this kid realized that the other kids... Were just jealous. That’s all. Jealous of his awesome... awesomeness. And you know, he went on to be super awesome... And today that kid is Justin Bieber. True story.
    Roscoe: Dude, you already said it was you.
    Doug: I know. I kind of just thought the Bieber thing would add the necessary pop at the end.

& Kurt: So what’s your real name?
    Jeannie: Jeannie. And I smoked better weed than this with my seventh grade teacher.

& Marty: Let’s play the game called name that fucking sellout!
    Jeannie: I don’t think that’s an appropriate...
    Marty: Jeannie, it’s a fun game. Who’s obsessed with money, power... their black card, and their desire to score quality pussy?.. Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding! Alex! That’s right, you. You are the batteries in the great big dildo that’s fucking this country in the ass. Now, we can help you. We bury bodies every day.

& Roscoe: So you guys on Facebook?
    Doug: No. MySpace.
    Roscoe: What’s MySpace?

--
suave — учтивый; обходительный

On the Imdb.

! Nick Stahl (from Carnivàle & Terminator 3) as Kurt.