House M.D. 8x11

Nobody's Fault

& Cofield: Dr. House, this recording will be transcribed and published along with all supporting documentation and rulings. Do you have any questions before we get started?
    House: Yeah... Who the hell are you?
    Cofield: I’m Walter Cofield, Chief of Neurology, Mercy Hospital. I’ll be deciding your fate today.

& Cofield: What are you doing?
    House: Taking my vic-amins.

& Cofield: Were you taking Vicodin during this case?
    House: Uhh... Yes. And during about nine years of previous cases. My process is proven. Good things usually happen. Bad things sometimes happen.

& Cofield: And when bad things happen, we should figure out what went wrong, so we can learn from it and correct it.
    House: So that we can assign blame instead of recognizing that bad things sometimes happen. It was nobody’s fault.

& House: Those who can, do. Those who can’t, teach. Those who can’t teach, teach gym. Those who can’t move their arms or legs teach us to laugh at others.

& Park: He thought Taub’s idea was stupid.
    Cofield: And what about your idea?
    Park: He thought that was stupid too.

& Cofield: Does Dr. House not attach importance to patient histories?
    Taub: No, he thinks they’re crucial. He just doesn’t think being in the same room as the patient is crucial. House thinks avoiding patients allows him to stay as objective as possible... He’s not wrong.
    Cofield: Sounds like a very diplomatic way of saying he’s lazy.
    House: ... That’s also true. Either way, I’m covered. If you want an accurate patient history, don’t ever talk to the patient. Everybody lies... Except me... To you. Would never do that.

& Cofield: Your patient was doubled over in pain and coughing up blood, and you found that interesting?
    House: Why, is that bad?
    Cofield: ... It’s interesting.

---

& Park: But that’s only experimental!
    Cofield: It’s never actually been used before.
    House: Not true. Been used in sheep.
    Cofield: Uh-huh.

& Cofield: So you busted out the sulfur dioxide stink bomb?
    House: It was a team-building exercise.
    Cofield: No. It was manipulation. You were pressuring your team into coming up with unsafe medical ideas just to get out of that room.
    House: You say pressure, I say inspire. The usual safe ideas were not gonna work.

& Cofield: In light of what happened, you still think it was the perfect diagnostic moment?
    House: ... Yes. My theory accounted for all the medical outcomes... It did not account for the disobedience of my own team.

& Taub: Which artery?
    Adams: It’s his heart.

& Cofield: So he just walked out?
    Taub: There really was nothing for him to do.
    Cofield: Speaks to a certain callousness* on Dr. House’s part, don’t you think?
    Taub: Who cares if House was callous? Are you gonna punish callousness?

& Cofield: ... How do you work with a guy like that?
    Chase: {...} He wanted to check on me. But he needed an excuse. Otherwise, he could be accused of caring.
    Cofield: So your testimony is that Dr. House’s complete lack of concern is evidence of his deep concern?

& House: We’re going off the record because this is irrelevant, or are you gonna hit me?

& Cofield: Dr. House is obviously brilliant...
    House: Well, I think we’ve heard enough.
    Cofield: ...but Dr. House is also a fiasco.

& Patient’s wife: I came to speak with Dr. House. {...} I thought I should say something. I mean... He wasn’t the nicest doctor I’ve ever met...
    House: Well, I think we’ve heard enough.
    Patient’s wife: ...but he was right.

& Cofield: Congratulations, Dr. House. This unfortunate [cencored] incident is officially nobody’s fault.

& House: How’d you get the firing wire into the Vicodin bottle without me noticing?
    Chase: Why’d I even have to? What was the point of the orange hair?

& House: I found a way to let you know to not be late.
    Chase: You couldn’t just ask me to stop being late?
    House: What fun would that be?

& House: They’re wrong... I’m sorry.

--
callousness — бессердечность; грубость; бесчувственность

On the Imdb.