The Big Bang Theory 5x14

The Beta Test Initiation

& Sheldon: Hello. I’m Dr. Sheldon Cooper, and welcome to the premiere episode of ’Sheldon Cooper Presents: Fun with Flags.’ Over the next 52 weeks, you and I are going to explore the dynamic world of vexillology.

& Penny: I’m glad you asked me out again.
    Leonard: Me, too; I missed you.
    Penny: You see me all the time. You sure you just don’t miss the sex?
    Leonard: Well, yeah, sex with you is pretty great. Have you ever tried it?
    Penny: I have. You are not wrong.

& Penny: I just think if we’re gonna try dating again, we should take things slow.
    Leonard: Oh, I can take it slow. Did I ever tell you about my first girlfriend in high school, Karen Berberick?.. To this day she doesn’t know we were going out... Made it easier on her when I broke things off.

& Leonard: How about this, are you familiar with the typical development for computer software?
    Penny: You know... just for fun, let’s say I’m not.
    Leonard: Before an application is released, they give it a trial run. W-We could do that. And if we hit a rough spot, instead of getting mad, just say, “Hey, we found a bug,” and we report it so it can be fixed.
    Penny: You mean like a beta test?
    Leonard: Well, technically, this would be an alpha test. A beta test requires people that weren’t involved in the development of the appli...
    Penny: Seriously, do I not get credit for knowing beta test?!

& Penny: Good night, Leonard.
    Leonard: Night. ... Attaboy, Hofstadter. Nothing gets the ladies hotter than software development analogies.

& Leonard: Hey, I’m back.
    Sheldon: Cut... Take 47.

& Raj: What’s your name?
    Siri: My name? It’s Siri.
    Howard: Look at that! There’s finally a woman in your life you can talk to.

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& Raj: How about a cup of coffee?
    Siri: I’ve found six coffee shops. Three of them are fairly close to you.
    Raj: I will see you gentlemen later.
    Howard: She is gonna break his heart.

& Penny: Uh, we’re not counting this as a date, are we?
    Leonard: Um, I’m not sure... but I think the right answer here... is “no.”
    Penny: Bug report: When a guy asks me to spend time with him, maybe he plans something a little more interesting than hanging out at home, watching TV.
    Leonard: Even Doctor Who?!

& Penny: What’s this?
    Leonard: My bug report to you.
    Penny: Well... that’s quite a list you got there....
    Leonard: It’s color coded.
    Penny: Oh.
    Leonard: Uh, red means “fix right away.” Yellow is “eh, whenever you get a chance.” And green, is “I could probably learn to live with it.” There’s a key down here at the bottom. It’s neat, huh?
    Penny: Yep.
    Leonard: So, have a good night.
    Penny: Yep.

& Amy: What’s baffling me is what you could’ve possibly put on the list. “Hair too golden”? “Laugh too musical”? “World too much a better place for her mere presence in it”?
    Sheldon: How about “constantly talks with food in her mouth”?
    Amy: Her heart’s full of love, no one cares what’s in her mouth.

& Raj: Why don’t women like me?
    Siri: Let me check on that... How about a Web search for “Why don’t women like me?”
    Raj: No need. I’ve already done that.

& Raj: Thank you, darling.
    Siri: You are most certainly welcome, sexy.
    Sheldon: Well done, Dr. Koothrappali.
    Raj: I’m sorry?
    Sheldon: You’ve taken a great evolutionary leap by abandoning human interaction and allowing yourself to romantically bond with a soulless machine. Kudos.

& Leonard: You ready to go?
    Penny: Yeah, hang on. Let me just finish this chapter.
    Leonard: Can you finish it later?
    Penny: No, I can’t. Reading books is a big part of my life now because, you know... ’we’d have more fun things to talk about if I read more.’

& Leonard: What are you reading?
    Penny: Two Weeks to Rock Hard Abs.
    Leonard: They kind of spoil the ending right in the name of that, don’t they?

& Bernadette: Who’s Siri? Is he dating somebody new?
    Howard: Yes. His phone.
    Bernadette: Oh. Is that cute or creepy?
    Howard: Uh-huh.

& Raj: Siri, play some smooth jazz.
    Siri: Playing smooth jazz.
    Raj: Oh, my God, Kenny G?! This woman can read me like a book. I can’t believe I bought my soul mate at Glendale Galleria.

& Penny: You’re kind of really great.
    Leonard: You mean for a person whose neck massages feel like an eagle is trying to carry you to its nest?
    Penny: Okay, bug report. I just complimented you. You should take it and shut up.
    Leonard: Right. Sorry, sorry.
    Penny: And stop apologizing all the time.
    Leonard: Right. Sorry.

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On the Imdb.