The Vacation Solution
& Sheldon: Now, give me ... a funny Greek letter.
Raj: Gamma.
Sheldon: I said funny!
Raj: Upsilon?
Sheldon: Good one.
& Howard: I haven’t seen him laugh that hard since the day Leonard made that multiplication error.
Sheldon: Oh, Oh, Lord, that multiplication error! He thought he carried the one. But he didn’t.
& Leonard: Hey, guys, guys, President Siebert is headed this way. I wonder what he wants. Doesn’t look happy, so I’m guessing he wants to talk to Sheldon.
President Siebert: Dr. Cooper?
Leonard: Told ya.
& Sheldon: I don’t need a vacation.
President Siebert: You’re obligated to take one.
& Sheldon: But if I don’t come into work, what am I supposed to do with myself?
President Siebert: Read, rest, travel... I hear Afghanistan is nice this time of year.
Sheldon: Sarcasm?
Howard: No. You should go.
& Penny: I’m so glad you talked Howard out of having your wedding invitations in Klingon.
Bernadette: Turn it over. I’m hoping my relatives think it’s Hebrew.
& Amy: This is really happening... I’m gonna be a maid of honor. I’m gonna wear a beautiful dress and walk down that aisle and, finally, I will have my special day.
& Bernadette: I just don’t know how I’m gonna break it to him.
Penny: You know, I’m a big believer in breaking bad news to a guy when you’re in bed with him. That’s how I told my high school boyfriend I slept with his brother... That’s how I told his brother the same thing.
Bernadette: I don’t know, I don’t want to manipulate him with sex.
Penny: Oh, sweetie, that’s what sex is for.
& Amy: You know, the connection between marriage and money is nothing new. In fact, the term “wed” referred to the money and livestock that the groom paid the bride’s father. For example, you’re adorable, intelligent and a good earner. I could conservatively see you going for at least two oxen and a goose... You would fetch a unicorn.
& Leonard: Sheldon, there are a million great vacations you could take. What about Hawaii?
Sheldon: Hawaii is a former leper colony on top of an active volcano where the disappointing ending to Lost was filmed. Mahalo for nothing, Hawaii.
& Sheldon: It’s like I’m living in a dictatorship. “You must take a vacation, you must have fun, you must enjoy life!”
Howard: I don’t think you have a good handle on dictatorships.
& Penny: Hey, if I tell you something, will you promise not to tell anybody?
Leonard: It doesn’t matter what I say, you’re gonna tell me anyway.
& Leonard: So, you think about us getting married?
Penny: I think about a lot of things. I think about us getting married, I think about us breaking up. Once in a while, I think about how I didn’t leave a note on that Mercedes I dinged in the parking lot last month... but then I have a glass of wine and it passes.
& Penny: Well, tell you one thing, if I ever do get married, no Klingon invitations.
Leonard: Good luck catching a man with that attitude.
& Sheldon: Boy, oh, boy! This vacation is off to a wonderful start. The smell of formaldehyde... the whir of the centrifuge... the distant chatter of lab animals being dispatched for dissection... Mm, I can already feel my cares just melting away.
Amy: I’m excited to work with my boyfriend! It’s gonna be romantic...
Sheldon: Way to kill the mood.
& Sheldon: Excuse me, you have Dr. Sheldon Cooper in your lab! You’re gonna make him do the dishes? That’s like asking the Incredible Hulk to open a pickle jar.
Amy: Sheldon, you’ve never worked in a lab like this before. You have no experience in the field of biology.
Sheldon: I have plenty of experience in biology. I bought a Tamagotchi in 1998. And... it’s still alive.
& Leonard: Where’s Howard?
Raj: No “Hi, Raj”? No “How are you, Raj?” Just straight to “Where’s the other white guy?”
& Sheldon: Here you go. This is now the only lab with glassware washed by a man with two doctorates and a restraining order signed by Carl Sagan.
Amy: Soap spots. Wash ’em again.
Sheldon: Y... You’re being ridiculous! Those are perfectly clean.
Amy: Sheldon, this beaker used to contain cerebral spinal fluid from an elephant that died of syphilis. If it’s, in fact, perfectly clean, drink from it.
Sheldon: Biologists are mean.
& Sheldon: This is preposterous! I think you’re giving me these tasks because you’re afraid if you give me anything meaningful to do, I’ll show you up.
Amy: Really? Is that what you think?
Sheldon: Yes, that’s what I think. And I’m super smart, so it’s probably true.
& Amy: Oh... are we nervous, Dr. Cooper?
Sheldon: No. What you see is a man trembling with confidence.
& Howard: What are you doing here?
Sheldon: I’m on vacation. Social convention dictates that I let my hair down at a local watering hole. Social convention is stupid.
& Howard: What happened to your thumb?
Sheldon: You know, I have ten fingers and ten toes. If I tell you a story about each one of them, we’ll be here all day... let’s just move on.
& Howard: I’m not signing a prenup.
Penny: All right, Howard Wolowitz, listen up. You sign anything she puts in front of you, because you are the luckiest man alive. If you let her go, there is no way you can find anyone else... speaking on behalf of all women, it is not gonna happen; we had a meeting.
& Amy: Do you honestly think you can just waltz back in here after the way you behaved yesterday?
Sheldon: I was not myself. I had lost a lot of thumb blood.
Amy: That’s not an apology.
Sheldon: That is your opinion.
Amy: I want a real apology.
Sheldon: I’m sorry that you weren’t able to...
Amy: No.
Sheldon: ...that my genius...
Amy: No.
Sheldon: ...that the soap was...
Amy: Sheldon.
Sheldon: Fine. Sorry.
--
On the Imdb.
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