A Good Old Fashioned Orgy

Delta Spirit — Trashcan

♪ Brothers, hold the line ♪
♪ Till we got something ♪
♪ This world is way too small ♪
♪ To feel like nothing ♪

& Laura LaCarubba: Hey, get off of that thing. It’s Saturday night.
    Adam Richman: Well, it’s Sunday in Korea, and those motherfuckers don’t stop working. They make the Japanese look like Jamaicans.

& Eric Keppler: Hey, you two, get a room or get a video camera!

& Eric: While this will be the most spectacular and insane party any of us have taken part of, it’s not gonna be a big thing. It’s just gonna be us... It’s gonna be small, intimate, special. {...} We’re gonna have... an orgy.
    Adam: Who?
    Eric: Us.
    Willow Talbot: Where?
    Eric: Right here. Labor Day weekend.
    Laura: Us? A naked... sex... orgy?
    Alison Lobel: You’re kidding, right?
    Eric: No, I’m not. Why not us?

& Eric: People used to have them all the time.
    Mike McCrudden: All the time.
    Eric: What happened to our generation?
    Mike: What happened?
    Eric: I’ll tell you exactly what happened. AIDS.
    Mike: AIDS.
    Eric: AIDS hit right when we hit puberty. And it scared the shit out of all of us. It turned sex into this big, frightening thing.
    Doug Duquez: He’s right. Kids today are freaks, our parents were freaks, we’re a bunch of fucking pussies.
    Mike: We’re the lamest generation.
    Eric: This is our chance. Our chance to do it right. Take back what’s been taken from us.

& Eric: We need to think outside of the box.
    Mike: ...And inside the box.

& Eric: Fine, but other than social awkwardness, give me one reason.
    Adam: Oh, very well. How about I give you several reasons? Like, oh, I don’t know, chlamydia, the herp, gonorrhea, syphilis, papilloma.
    Mike: The Steve McQueen movie?
    Adam: No, that’s Papillon. The virus that causes genital warts.
    Eric: Ugh. Why do you think of this stuff?

& Laura: What do you think?
    Alison: Insane, idiotic and self-destructive.

& Marcus: What have you done to your vagina?!
    Alison: I shaved it.
    Marcus: Why?
    Alison: I don’t know. Because I thought it would be something different, sexy.
    Marcus: Women are supposed to have pubic hair! Why would I find it sexy? You look like a prepubescent girl. I’m not a child molester!

& Eric: She is a tough cookie...
    Mike: Her? Please, dude, you’re the king. A little winey-diney, she’ll be your humble wench* servant.
    Eric: Keep friends close, but enemies closer.
    Mike: Yeah. That doesn’t make any sense. Just go fucking charm her, okay?

& Kelly: Tell me which party we met at.
    Eric: Was it one of my parties?
    Kelly: Mm-hm.
    Eric: Okay. What, um... Oh, was it the Cuba Libre party because I was in mojito haze that whole day and I just...
    Kelly: Nope.
    Eric: No. Oktoberfest in July?
    Kelly: Nope.
    Eric: Oh, oh, no, no, I know. I know. Uh, it was the Star Trek versus Star Wars Battle for the Universe Party and you were dressed as Obi-Wan Kenobi.
    Kelly: How drunk do you get at these parties?
    Eric: Uh, pretty drunk. It’s kind of a social obligation.

---

& Duquez: This is not rock ’n’ roll.

& Glenn: What the fuck, are you stoned?
    Mike: No. No, no, no, better. I’m wearing a thing called The Yank. From Adam & Eve. One end straps around your leg, the other end around your wang. The brochure says, “With every stride, it gives your member a gentle tug.” Ahh.
    Glenn: What are you doing with a rope on your cock at my wedding?!

& Eric: So, Vic, as someone that’s clearly done this type of thing thousands of times, I’m guessing, we could really use your expertise. How do we make sure that the women are into it?
    Vic: The women?.. Don’t worry about the women, worry about you guys.
    Eric: Us? What?!
    Vic: Women are in touch with their sexuality. Guys are much more likely to freak out at the sight of someone else’s junk.

& Eric: Okay, so how do we make it happen?
    Vic: You can’t make an orgy happen. It has to evolve organically. Just because you have a bunch of naked people in the room doesn’t mean you’re all going to get it on. You might just need a really intense conversation. Sometimes a girl just wants to have a heart-to-heart, and she ends up pulling a train.
    Eric: Uh, pulling a train?
    Vic: Mm. Yeah, you know. A train. Gawk, gawk, gawk. Chicka-chicka-chicka. Whoo-whoo! That’s a choo-choo train.

& Vic: One more thing. Every wolf pack has a leader. I take it you’re the lead wolf?
    Mike: Fucking A.
    Eric: Uh, yeah. I guess so. Yeah. Yeah.
    Vic: Well, then it’s all on your shoulders. If you don’t run, nobody behind you can run.
    Mike: Oh, that’s good.
    Eric: What does that mean? What do I do?
    Vic: You have to get naked.
    Eric: Okay. Uh... I get that.
    Vic: Mm-hm. Not just your body. You’ve gotta get naked in your mind, in your heart, in your soul. You’ve gotta be honest with yourself and everybody about what you want. If you’re a pegger, be honest about that.
    Eric: Okay.
    Vic: If you’re polyamorous, put it out there. You want to put on a diaper, embrace it. But trust me, if you put up walls, everybody’s gonna put up walls. The whole thing is dead in the water.
    Mike: What is a pegger?
    Vic: Chick fucks a dude up the ass with a strap-on... Yeah, not really my bag, but like I always say, I’m willing to try anything twice.

& Vic: Oh, one more thing... Buy some scented candles. It helps hide the smell of ass.

& Kate: What’s going on?
    Glenn: First of all, they’re dressed like Indians from India.
    Kate: That makes much more sense.

& Laura: Just so you know, um, I’ve never been able to orgasm, so no pressure. I’m all about giving pleasure.
    Adam: This is so much better than porn.

& Adam: Wow!
    Eric: I saw that.
    Adam: You see that?
    Eric: It looked like a little flash of light. I know. I think I just... God.
    Adam: I never thought I’d hear myself say this, but I’m gonna take a break from this girl-on-girl-on-girl action and check the score of the Yankee game.

& Laura: We could, uh, take a dip in the pool or something...
    Adam: Oh, the... Yeah. I don’t know about the pool after what happened in there last night...
    Laura: Ew.
    Adam: But you wanna do the crossword with me?
    Laura: I’d love that.

& Adam: So this is the beach, huh? Pretty beautiful. Who knew?

Telekinesis — Gotta Get It Right Now

♪ I always do what I am told ♪
♪ Jesus Christ I’m gettin’ old ♪
♪ And I gotta get it right now ♪
♪ I gotta get it right now ♪
♪ All my friends are so locked down ♪
♪ And I’m 23 ♪
♪ I should be screwin’ around ♪
♪ And I gotta get it right now ♪
♪ I gotta get it right now ♪
♪ Gotta get it right now ♪

--
wench — девка

+ quotes on the Imdb.

__ Mike McCrudden role looks like it's written for Zach Galifianakis.