30 Rock 3x18

Jackie Jormp-Jomp

& Jake: Jenna, I need to speak with you.
    Jenna: Jack, I did not hit that Asian page! I was just swinging my arm and she walked into me. Twice.

& Liz: Right now, I should be standing in a toilet stall so nobody bothers me while I eat lunch. God, I miss it...
    Emily: I was an investment banker for 15 years. 80-hour workweeks, corner office, secret candy drawer... And a decoy candy drawer to throw others off the trail.
    Liz: Smart.
    Emily: The point is you get addicted to the stress. Think it gives your life purpose. And then when you stop... You see how stupid you were. It just takes time to realize there are much better ways to be happy.

& Jake: Kenneth, what can I do for you?
    Kenneth: Well, sir, I recently learned that company policy requires that employees disclose their relationships with their cowkers to their immediate supervisor.
    Jake: I am not your immediate supervisor. There are perhaps 40 people between us. Pete, for instance.
    Kenneth: Oh, I just don’t trust Mr. Hornberger, sir. He has a ridge on the section of the skull associated with deviousness.

& Kenneth: I don’t know if this is harassment... But someone at the today show made me eat an unripe banana in front of her.

& Tracy: Let the problem solving begin.

---

& Jeffrey Weinerslav: Well, I know how eager you are to return to work.
    Liz: I guess so.
    Jeffrey: But coming back to work isn’t always easy. Work means stress. And stress can make you fall back on old behavior. So tonight, I want you to really think about the returning back. Visualize everything that’s facing you. Think about walking through that door and immediately dealing with 100 different problems and responsibilities. Your coworkers’ demands on you, the long hours, the pointless meetings and endless phone calls. Think of the frustration, the futility, and the time that you will never get back as you creep closer and closer to the grave... Okay. Any questions for me?
    Liz: Just one. Why don’t you drop those dockers and gimme a piece of that sweet ass?!

& Liz: What’re we doing today,ladies?
    Erin: More of the same.

& Jenna: Oh, Jack, this’s just the greatest night of my... What the hell is that?!!
    Jake: Well, it’s you. What’s the problem?
    Jenna: It has the year I was born on it. The real year, not the actress year. Now almost a million people are gonna know that I’m f... f...

& Liz: I’m back.
    Jake: What did it turn out to be? Lesbians?
    Liz: No. Fight club.

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+ quotes on the Imdb.