The Disappointment of the Dionne Quintuplets

The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel 1×4

Abe: We are not paying for another TV just so that you can have Jack Paar in your bedroom. We only have this one in case of a national emergency.

Abe: Okay. Just for this evening... I still control this house! I'm just doing it from in there.

Abe: I want you to talk to Miriam.
Rose: About what?
Abe: Her son eats with his mouth open. It needs to stop.
Rose: He's three.
Abe: When I was three, I could resole a shoe.
Rose: I'm not sure that's a direct comparison.
Abe: Well... we're doomed.

Abe: I am not a two-TV set sort of man. Maybe other people have two TVs. Maybe Jack Paar has two TVs. But not me.

Midge: What spot's she getting?
Susie: Are you kidding? She can't work here. But damn, I love the flute...

Susie: I mean, we don't even really know who you are yet... I mean, what kind of comic are you? Are you a planter or a stalker?
Midge: Stalker.
Susie: Will you tell one-liners, stream of consciousness?
Midge: Stream of consciousness.
Susie: Personal? Political?
Midge: Personal tinged by political.
Susie: Okay. Well, I guess we do know who you are. But we have to figure out what you'll say.

Susie: There's more to think about besides material.
Midge: Really? Like what?
Susie: Holding for laughs... Uh, working the room... Dealing with hecklers. How to enter, how to exit. How to use a mic; mics can be very tricky.

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Midge: I don't want to use my real name... I don't want people to know I'm talking about me. I want them to think I'm talking about Tula Raine. Huh?
Susie: That's a stripper name.
Midge: What about Lotte McAllister?
Susie: That's an Irish stripper name. Use your real one.
Midge: No. Miriam Maisel's a person. Anya Morgenstern...
Susie: Is my cleaning lady. No.

Susie: These guys have never spoken to a viable mate before. Virgil, Oz, meet Midge.
Midge: Nice to meet you, fellas...
Susie: Mm, pretty sure that's the sound of two guys spontaneously ejaculating.

Rose: Why are you doing this?
Midge: Doing what?
Rose: You're baiting your father.
Midge: I'm not. He shares his opinion, I share mine.
Rose: Well, don't do that. Just let him win.

Midge: So, if you don't like Kennedy, who do you want for president, Nixon?
Abe: Oh, my God. When Richard Milhous Nixon becomes president, we move to France.

Susie: What are you doing?
Midge: Taking notes. Research.
Susie: You gonna write everything down?
Midge: Everything I think is pertinent or interesting, or could be pertinent or interesting.
Susie: So the answer's yes.

Midge: You're asking me an awful lot of questions tonight.
Susie: Well, I find you fascinating. You're like a super coiffed science experiment.

Abe: You know the rules of this house. You do not leave your towels on the floor... we'll get back to that, by the way... Home by 11:00.
Midge: Are you kidding me?!
Abe: 10:00 if you keep arguing.

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