Put That on Your Plate!

The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel 1×7

Susie: Most comics take years to work up those first ten minutes. You did it in months.
Midge: Feels like years.

Susie: Shit, there's, like, water on my face.
Midge: Those are tears.

Midge: Okay. Let's kick some big-time comedy ass across all five boroughs.
Susie: I'm making some calls tonight. And when I say five boroughs... I don't mean Staten Island or Queens. Or the Bronx. Not so much Brooklyn. Just Manhattan. I got the gist.

Moishe Maisel: See, it's all part of the big picture... The hall, the lavish buffet, the fake cousin. It's very important that you show people you're bigger and better than them. Because if they think it, then you'll be it. That's how you get ahead in the world, become a conqueror.

Abe Weissman: So, everyone gets a gift, everyone gets a compliment, everyone gets a hug... You're not preparing these kids for the real world.
Midge: Don't worry, we'll teach the kids how cruel the world is next year, when they're five.

Harry: What's her name again?
Susie: It's Amanda Gleason.
Harry: Shit name.
Susie: Fake name but a great comic.

Harry: She'd be a sacrificial lamb.
Susie: Then cut her up into chops and serve her with mint sauce. I want this for her.

Rose: I hope you like applesauce and peach slices, Mr. Blumenthal.
David: I like whatever you're serving.
Rose: Good, because that's what we're serving: Applesauce and peach slices and mashed potatoes and consommé and hard-boiled eggs and pureed cauliflower and pudding for dessert. Your teeth will wonder what they're there for.

Rose: Zelda, what do we have that's real food?

Rose: ...And this man is not even attractive!
Midge: Well, he's not unattractive.
Rose: Oh, Miriam, you are not going out with this man.
Midge: Of course I'm not going out with this man!
Rose: But you said he was attractive!

Rose: I don't want to talk about this anymore. Now I'm gonna go to the kitchen and grab some celery because we all need something fibrous to eat.

---

Rose: And you didn't tell me.
Abe: I didn't know how.
Rose: And she didn't tell me.
Abe: She probably didn't know how.

Madame Cosma: Well, now I am the person who's gonna do that, but between you and me, the tea leaf thing, kind of a scam. Pyromancy. Gazing into fire... Much more accurate, prettier, too.
Rose: This isn't happening.
Madame Cosma: The price is the same. And if you pay in advance, your tenth visit is free. Plus, I throw in a charm.

Sophie Lennon: My goodness, you're so pretty... Why comedy? Can't you sing?

Sophie Lennon: I went to Yale Drama School.
Midge: You're kidding.
Sophie Lennon: Yes, I wanted to be the next Laurette Taylor. Then I graduated, and I starved, so I started doing this character... Sophie from Queens. And look what it paid for... Dawes?
Dawes: Yes, ma'am?
Sophie Lennon: Isn't that marvelous?

Midge: I-I've been doing okay.
Sophie Lennon: Downtown. Honey, you give a downtowner a swig of gin, and he'll laugh at a sponge. The mainstreamers, the people from Pacoima, the people who buy the dish soap and the dog food, who pay for the Modigliani's... They want a character.
Midge: But... Bob Hope doesn't have a character. Lenny Bruce doesn't have a character.
Sophie Lennon: They have dicks. Do you have a dick?
Midge: N-- Not last time I checked.
Sophie Lennon: Darling, look at you. I mean, really... Men don't want to laugh at you. They want to fuck you. You can't go up there and be a woman. You've got to be a thing. You want to get ahead in comedy? Cover up that hole.

Susie: Jackie, how disgusting is the women's room that the men's room is less disgusting?

Midge: Why do women have to pretend to be something that they're not? Why do we have to pretend to be stupid when we're not stupid? Why do we have to pretend to be helpless when we're not helpless? Why do we have to pretend to be sorry when we have nothing to be sorry about? Why do we have to pretend we're not hungry when we're hungry?!

Harry: This town is gonna become a very uncomfortable place for you two, Susie. Fucking count on it!

Midge: Oh, I'm just getting started here. You don't have anywhere to go, do you, guys?

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