Hit Me Baby

Life 2x16

Deepa: Please describe your service problem to me exactly.
Crews: My phone is supposed to sync up with my car, so I can talk hands-free. It’s against the law for me to hold my phone while I’m driving, and I would hate to break the law, because I’m— I’m kind of a cop.
Deepa: Kind of? I would think that either you are a cop or you’re not a cop.
Crews: I’m a cop.

Crews: A bird. A pigeon. It flew against the window, tried to get in. That means something, right? A bird in the house after a death?

Dani: Bleach and ammonia... Make chlorine.
Crews: Make chlorine.
Dani: Antifreeze in the wine and a broken broom handle.

Crews: It’s a new situation for you. I want you think of it like you’re building a building. You got to put in a good foundation, or everything you do after that is just gonna come tumbling down.
Dani: I’ll see you in a few weeks, Crews.

Crews: Oh, they grow up so fast, don’t they?

Tidwell: ..........
Crews: Reese usually starts. Maybe you could— Why don’t I just jump in?

Crews: Do you know what a derivative is?
Tidwell: A derivative is when you don’t invest in a thing, but you kind of invest in a thing like the thing you’re investing in.
Crews: Yeah, me neither.

Crews: Don’t you think this is weird?.. You know, just us two without Reese?

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Bobby: That’s so wrong. You don’t pay a pro to stay. You pay her to leave.
Crews: ?
Bobby: Charlie Sheen said that.

Crews: Do you know what a derivative is?
Bobby: Sure, it’s the kind of investment where you’re really not, um... well, it’s—it’s—it’s— it’s when you’re, uh... no. No, no idea.

Ted: Yes, I-I know what a derivative is. It’s—it’s— it’s kind of hard to explain to a layperson.

Ted: ...it’s complicated. Okay, a derivative is a financial product whose value is derived from the value of something else, the underlying. Now, because the value of the derivative is contingent on the value of the underlying, the notional value of derivatives is recorded off the balance sheet, while the market value of derivatives is recorded on the balance sheet.
Crews: I don’t understand it.
Ted: Don’t feel bad. No one does.

Deepa: You need to have a technical issue if you wish to continue this call.
Crews: Okay, technically, don’t you think it’s amazing that I’m here in L.A., and you’re in, let’s say, India, giving me tech support for my phone made in China?

Crews: You ever meet the perfect girl?... When you were sober?

Crews: Antifreeze, ammonia, bleach, broom handle, cut phone cords...

Crews: Ammonia, antifreeze, bleach, a broom handle... nail polish.

Tidwell: A hit man?
Crews: Uh, woman. Hit man woman. Hit woman.
Bobby: A paid professional killer.

Dani: And you still don’t know why she killed Jerome Rafts?... Crews?.. You’re doing it, aren’t you? You’re staring at something... And now you’re taking out some fruit, right? What do you see, Crews?

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