To Build a Better Beta

Silicon Valley 3×7

& Richard: The platform is full of bugs!
    Dinesh: But that is what a beta is for. You give it to people in the real world, they use it, and that is how we find the bugs.
    Jared: Richard, Reid Hoffman says if you’re not mortally embarrassed by the quality of your initial release, you’ve released too late.

& Erlich: ...shuttering a company in the tech world is almost a rite of passage, like herpes simplex one. At first, it’s ugly and embarrassing and you’re disgusted by your own dick. But after a while, in the larger scheme of things, you realize it’s really...

& Gilfoyle: I’m out. I don’t trust anyone. It’s a huge part of my belief system.

& Gavin: Acting on this would expose the fact that we’re reading employees’ private emails, destroying the spirit of trust and freedom to innovate that I’ve worked so hard to build here at Hooli. You know, it makes you wonder if the word Hooli has any meaning for these people whatsoever....

& Jared: I don’t want to count our chickens before they hatch. I mean, three percent of hatchlings are born mutated or dead, but we may have a healthy brood on our hands.

---

& Dinesh: My boys could be anywhere. I don’t keep track of my boys.
    Gilfoyle: Actually, we can. We have the IP address and GPS coordinates for every active user, so we can figure out just where your boys are at.
    Dinesh: Um, you added a god-view? When did you do that?
    Gilfoyle: Right before I gave it to Tara. I told you, trust no one.

& Gilfoyle: Sorry, Dinesh. You will now have one less fake friend.

& Gavin: Are we doing that?
    Marc: No. Not really. That’s gotta be some kind of machine learning optimization. Maybe a neural net?..
    Gavin: Well, then I want that. You need to put that into our platform. Now.
    Marc: I’m not even sure we have the resources here to engineer something like that. And even if we did, our platform isn’t designed to accommodate it. You’re talking about a ground-up rebuild.
    Gavin: Great. So do that. And beat them to market.
    Marc: .... That’s impossible.
    Gavin: You’re at Hooli now, Marc. In case you didn’t know, here at Hooli, we make the impossible possible. So if I say I need...

& Richard: So she lied? Why would she lie about using the beta?
    Gilfoyle: Yeah, why would Dinesh lie about having friends? Why would Tara lie to me about fucking other guys hen we have a totally open and hedonistic relationship that allows for behavior like that? Because people like to lie, Richard. It’s a war of all against all. The history of humanity is a book written in blood. We’re all just animals in a pit.

& Erlich: Gentlemen, I just realized I’ve forgotten to take a shit. So, uh, I’ll see you back at the old homestead.

& Richard: Here we are, Erlich. Jobs and Woz, Woz and Jobs. I mean, we did it. You and me, man, forever.

& Richard: Five... four, three, two, one!

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