The Lady in the Van

& Miss Shepherd: You’re not Saint John, are you?
    Alan Bennett: Saint John who?
    Miss Shepherd: Saint John, the disciple whom Jesus loved.
    Bennett: No. The name’s Bennett.
    Miss Shepherd: Well, if you’re not Saint John, I need a push for the van.

& Bennett: I don’t even know your name.
    Miss Shepherd: It’s Miss Shepherd. But I wouldn’t want it bandied about. I’m in an incognito position, possibly. Safe with me.

& Bennett: I think she should either go or...
    Bennett: Or what?
    Bennett: Or bring the van into the drive, where we can forget about her. Actually, that’s why some men marry. So they don’t have to think any more about their wives.
    Bennett: That’s not bad.
    Bennett: Yes, except it’s Proust.

& Bennett: It’ll be easier, but it’s not kindness... «Good nature, or what is often considered as such, is the most selfish of all virtues. It is nine times out of 10 mere indolence of disposition.»
    Bennett: That’s not you.
    Bennett: Hazlitt. And it’s will. Pure will.

& Priest: My child, you have already been given absolution for this particular sin. I have given you it myself on several occasions. Have faith. Absolution is not like a bus pass. It does not run out.

---

& Miss Shepherd: Put the van in your drive? That never occurred to me. I don’t know. I don’t know. It might not be convenient.
    Bennett: No, I’ve thought it over. Believe me, Miss Shepherd, it’s all right. Just till you sort yourself out.
    Miss Shepherd: Well, not convenient for you! Convenient for me! You’re not doing me a favour, you know. I have got other fish to fry.

& Mam: Well, she’s in the garden. Next, it’ll be the house. What will folks think?
    Bennett: This is London. Nobody thinks anything.

& Bennett: Have you insured it?
    Miss Shepherd: I don’t need insuring. It’s like the van, I’m insured in heaven.
    Bennett: So, who pays if you have an accident, the Pope?
    Miss Shepherd: I shan’t have an accident.
    Bennett: Well, what if you run into something?
    Miss Shepherd: I shan’t run into anything. I’m an experienced driver. I drove ambulances in the blackout.
    Bennett: Well, what if someone runs into you? Miss Shepherd, what if someone runs into you?..

& Bennett: I thought you might be ill or dead.
    Miss Shepherd: Dead? Me?
    Bennett: I was concerned.
    Miss Shepherd: You were nosy!
    Bennett: I haven’t seen you. I’m sorry.
Miss Shepherd: I’m not dead! You’ll know when I’m dead.
    Bennett: I’m sorry.
    Miss Shepherd: Dead? Me? I shan’t die in a hurry, I can tell you.

& Bennett: Would you like me to make you a cup of coffee?
    Miss Shepherd: No. No, I don’t want you to go to all that trouble. I’ll just have half a cup.

& Bennett: If... When I write about all this, people will say there’s too much about shit.
    Bennett: But there was a lot about shit. Shit was in the forefront. Caring, which is not a word I like, caring is about shit.

& Social Worker: What is she like?
    Bennett: Mary, as you call her, is a bigoted, blinkered, cantankerous, devious, unforgiving, self-serving, rank, rude, car-mad cow. Which is to say nothing of her flying faeces and her ability to extrude from her withered buttocks turds of such force that they land a yard from the back of the van and their presumed point of exit.
    Bennett: Though, of course, you didn’t say any of that.

& Miss Shepherd: Music. How are people supposed to avoid it?
        You see, I had it at my fingertips. I had it in my bones. I could play in the dark. Had to sometimes. And the keys were like rooms. C major and D minor. Dark rooms and light rooms. Just like a mansion to me, music.

& Bennett: I never have much, but it doesn’t matter. Because what I’ve learnt, and maybe she taught me, is that you don’t put yourself into what you write. You find yourself there.

--
+++ quotes on the IMDb

+ Soundtracks.

Σ Incredible Maggie Smith!