Here I Come, Pants!

Two and a Half Men 12×10

& Alan: Okay, I don’t know what was going on up there with Laurel, but... Rich, handsome and a master of the boudoir. You’re everything I think I am when I’m drunk.
    Walden: What can I say? I got a magical tongue, and I can breathe through my ears.

& Alan: Y-You want to take Louis away from us just because we don’t have sex?

& Walden: Of course it matters. Because we’re not lying! We are best friends, and we are married. And we do love each other. And I’m sorry, but just, you know, how many people can say that they are married to their best friend?
    Alan: Alan Harper-Schmidt can.

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& Berta: Well, what are you gonna do about it?
    Alan: There’s nothing I can do.
    Berta: Just gonna throw in the towel before the first round?
    Alan: What?
    Berta: Let me put it in terms you’ll understand. You’re crapping your tutu before the ballet starts.

& Alan: How?
    Berta: I don’t know. But if there is anybody in the world that can figure out how to keep somebody in this house, it’s you.

& Berta: How you doing?
    Walden: I’ve been better.
    Berta: Well, you want to forget the pain or you want to forget your name?
    Walden: Got anything to help me forget Alan?
    Berta: If I did, I’d be asking you, «Who’s Alan?»

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On the IMDb