Don't Give a Monkey a Gun

Two and a Half Men 12×14

& Alan: Oh, this is so uncomfortable.
    Walden: What?
    Alan: Well, I’m about to have breakfast with my current lover, my former lover, and my husband... Oh, my God, I’m turning into my mother.

& Lyndsey: I’m sorry, so, after living in his guest-house for free for four years, your billionaire friend is granting you a wish?
    Alan: Just one! This is so hard.
    Lyndsey: Yeah. What do you get for a guy who has... nothing?

& Walden: This is my fault. I gave you too much power. You don’t give a monkey a gun. Did we learn nothing from Planet of the Apes?

---

& Walden: Uh, well, to celebrate our divorce, I’d like to get my ex-husband an engagement ring for his on-again, off-again girlfriend. Oh, and I might need your card, in case I propose to my girlfriend, his ex-girlfriend, our social worker. Also, do you validate?

& Walden: Don’t worry about the price. Just get what you want.
    Alan: Wow. Lyndsey is very lucky to have a man like you in my life.

& Berta: I’m out of here.
    Walden: What?! You’re leaving?
    Berta: Yeah. I want to get home and watch the series finale of The Big Bang Theory. Matthew McConaughey is guest starring.
    Louis: I didn’t know President McConaughey could act.

--
On the IMDb