Bachmanity Insanity

Silicon Valley 3×6

& Richard: Okay. One extra-large, virgin margarita.

& Erlich: Why are we surprised that young Richard is garnering the attention of ladies? After all, he’s king again. Women like that.
    Dinesh: Okay, so she’s a founder hounder.

& Richard: Honestly, how else was I going to explain that me and my friends were at a bar?
    Dinesh: That is a good point. Anytime you’re near a woman, it is important to explain why. Otherwise, they get nervous.

& Jared: Why didn’t anyone tell Gleb to use tabs?
    Dinesh: Yeah, we did. And it’s in the company style guide. I just don’t think Gleb realized how seriously Richard takes this stuff...
    Jared: Yeah, I’ve honestly never understood it myself. I mean, once the code goes through the compiler, there’s effectively no difference.
    Dinesh: I know, but coders go, like, batshit over it.

& Erlich: I would love to have some sort of chocolate moat here, with little boats floating down a field with graham crackers and marshmallows. It’s been a childhood dream of mine.

& Erlich: Big Head, I’m not going to yell. And I’m not going to hit you. I’m just gonna ask you nicely... Why in the holy fuck didn’t you tell me you signed an NDA, you sweet, helpless, little piece of shit?
    Big Head: Well, that’s the thing about the NDA, is that the NDA is actually covered under the NDA. So if I told you about the NDA, it would’ve been a violation of the NDA.

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& Dinesh: She’s so, like, nice and she’s so down to earth, that it’s like she has no idea how attractive she is.
    Gilfoyle: You don’t know how attractive she is. Packet loss over Estonian broadband is terrible. She could be hideous.
    Jared: Well, I can’t imagine that would matter to Dinesh one iota.

& Jared: Well, take your time. Hunger is the best sauce.

& Jared: And now that Richard’s dating, uh, in solidarity, I think I might get back out there myself.
    Dinesh: You make it sound like you’ve chosen not to date.
    Jared: Yeah, absolutely. I wanted to focus on Pied Piper. But, yeah, maybe now I’ll fan out my plumage, so to speak, and see what pretty birdies might share my nest.

& Erlich: No, no one’s going to jail, CJ. Although, if you did, going to jail for protecting your source would make you some kind of First Amendment hero. It’s pretty much the best thing that can happen to a journalist.

& Gilfoyle: If you worked half as hard on the platform as you do trying to ogle strange Slavic women, maybe our shares would finally be worth something.

& Richard: So, uh, Jared, did— did you just have sex with her?
    Jared: What? I’m an adult, and like the rest of you, I’m a sexual being.

& Winnie: Oh, my God! Your roommates were right, you really hate spaces.
    Richard: No, no, no. I don’t, it’s not hate, hate’s a strong word. Um, truth be told— I do have a slight preference for tabs. But that’s only because I’m anal and because I prefer... precision.
    Winnie: Well, not to pick a fight here, but if you really care about precision, wouldn’t you use spaces?
    Richard: Nn...

& Gilfoyle: Either she froze time, met and married the man of her dreams, unfroze time, and hopped back on to vid chat with you, or... you’re the dogface. Which do you think it is? I’m on the fence.

& Erlich: Get ready. In T-minus five minutes, Big Head and I are going to take that stage and I am going to ejaculate my success all over the faces and hair of my fiercest rivals. Like some sort of vengeful viscous web of payback.

& Erlich: Aloha...
    Big Head: Uh, that means hello. Oh, and goodbye.

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