Bad Santa 2 (2016)

Bad Santa (2003) <<

Willie: Let's just say my whole life has been one long fucking miserable nightmare most of the time. And pure shit on a good day.

Thurman Merman: I'm 21. Officially a man.
Willie: Goddamn. You're 21 already. That's creepy.

Willie: I ain't dancing around with a bunch of candy canes and shit. Because I'm all about the birth of Christmas. You know, the wise guys kicked him out of the hotel and the ejaculate conception and the drummer that didn't have shit to give him but some perfume... And the King Midas or one of them threatened to cut the kid in half, turn him into gold and but, see, I... It's a heavy deal for me. Pretty damn heavy.
Diane: Are you talking about the true meaning of Christmas?
Willie: Exactly.

Marcus: How do I look?
Willie: You look like one of those trolls that gang-fucked Willy Wonka.

Sunny Soke: Just think of the damage we could do. Just the two of us. All the time.

Sunny Soke: You're my shitstick. And nobody's gonna mess with you on my watch.

Willie: Um, I ain't exactly what you call the romantic type, you know. I don't go in for all the sappy shit. But, um, I gotta tell you, you got gigantic titties. And that's no shit.
Um... thanks?
Willie: No sweat.

Thurman Merman: Well, I know you're not the Santa. But you're still my Santa.

Thurman Merman: I know you're not my real family, but when you don't have real family, then you have to make a new one. And it's actually better because then you get to pick the people who are in your family. And you're the family I picked.

--
+ Quotes on the IMDb
+ Soundtracks!

I Never Want to See Josh Again.

Crazy Ex-Girlfriend 3×5

Maya: What is that noise? What's happening? I think one of our computers is in pain!
Mrs. Hernandez: It's our fax machine, loser!

Naomi: Thank God I'm here to scoop up the poop behind the elephant. Which is you, Rebecca! You're the one who's pooping!

Paula: It's my friendaversary with Rebecca. The night at Beans's party, I went home and I friended her, and she accepted. And I know it's just an algorithm, but they just... they picked the cutest photos...

Paula: Look at this. This is our first cookie pizza. I mean, it's just a cookie cut into triangles. There's no cheese or anything.

Paula: Fancy Fairy Funhouse? But you guys hate that game. You don't ever want to play that game because you have those dumb penises.

Maya: My sources downtown say the replacement is a femme-identifying cis-gender woman... That's a lady. She's a lady.
Darryl: Yeah, but is she gonna be like Rebecca, all pretty and cheery and Jewy?... You know what I mean... Smart, and a little sneaky... That did not come out right. I am not a bigot. I just... I talk too much, like a Jew— Oh, no.

Nathaniel: Work, work, work. Love that. So refreshing.

Rebecca: Everything's different now. My mother accepts me.
Audra Levine: Yeah, right. Of course. 'Cause what do opinionated Jewish mothers do when they turn 60? They change. Tell me, what did you do to earn this miraculous acceptance from your mother?

---

Audra Levine: Rebecca, she's up to something. And if you don't know what it is, then it's working.

Cornelia: Thanks, everyone. I'm just waiting for my burrito, and then I have some stuff to look at on my... phone.

Rebecca: Okay. 'SkinnyMom1958... Damn it, she changed it.

Rebecca: Uh, enjoy your soak. You deserve it after that "left foot blue, right hand yellow" tumble.

Nathaniel: I'm not crying. I'm not crying. It's just the chlorine in this water...

Cornelia: I don't know what's going on. You're crying, and I'm in a bathing suit. How did this happen?

Rebecca: New York isn't my home, but L.A. isn't either. So, all I need you to do, is just drop me off in, like, Ohio or Idaho? In a cornfield somewhere.

Rebecca: The thing is, I'm just too tired to... buy things or do things or get things or say things or face things.

Rebecca: I need help.

--
On the IMDb
+ Soundtracks

The Punishment Room

The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel 2×3

Midge: There is no food and I'm literally starving.
Abe: You are not "literally starving."

Rose: Should we take a cab?
Abe: No, walking's faster.
Rose: When you're not in heels.
Abe: And you are not starving.
Midge: I am, too.
Abe: Then your muscle and tissue would be breaking down. Your abdomen would be distended. Your menstruation would cease—
Rose: Abe, stop!
Abe: She said she was literally starving!

Midge: Well, I've never been trained for coat check.
Mrs. O'Toole: Take coat, give ticket. Take ticket, give coat. Congratulations. You've been trained.

Vivian: Coat room?
Midge: Purgatory with a better view.

Midge: No one should have a less than perfect wedding.

Moishe: Look at this. The high ceilings, the tile floor, like the Vatican... Why would a fakakta bank in the tuchus of Brooklyn try to compete with the Pope?

Moishe: It's so open, so flaunting, so gentile.
Joel: Jews use the bank, too, Pop.
Moishe: Show me one. Hey! You a Jew?

Shirley: Mr. Curry, a question...
Joel: Cleary. Cleary.
Shirley: Is there gonna be another Great Depression soon? Is that something you can tell us?
Curren: If I could, I'd be the president of the bank or the United States.
Moishe: Step on enough Jews, you'll get there.

---

Midge: Nuclear war. The nightmare, the horror... Oh, now, I'm not talking about dying in one. I'm talking about surviving and living in an underground bunker with your extended family until the radiation disperses... Mr. Khrushchev, have you met my family? If you're gonna hit us, comrade, fucking obliterate us.

Joel: He's denying us a line of credit. Told us there were too many "mitigating circumstances," which my father called the two most goyish words in the English language.

Midge: No. No. No. Mary, there's no light here. It's damp and lifeless. And there's a little girl crying in the corner. This is the Punishment Room. You can't have your reception in the Punishment Room... The walls are stained with tears.

Father O'Brien: Oh, I've known Mary all her life. I baptized her when she was just a week old.
Midge: Ah, well, I'm Jewish. When somebody dunks us in water, we call a lawyer.

Sister Saint Stephen: Father picked this color himself!
Midge: And it's a nice one. Yellow mustard... gas.

Midge: I'd suggest we say a prayer for him now, but your prayers and mine, they differ. Mine would be Mi Shebeirach. Mi Shebeirach avoteinu, Avraham, Yitzchak v'Yaakov... You'd like a lot of our stuff, Father. We've got some real barnburners.

Midge: ...And if a priest is gonna have sex, I think God would prefer it wasn't with a Jew. That's like putting mayonnaise on a bialy, you don't do it.

Abe: Simon, let me be clear. I would love her to quit. I don't like walking into a room, and my wife is there staring at some young guy's schlong... But you don't understand what we've been through. If she doesn't get to do this, she'll go back to Paris, and Paris is chock-full of schlongs. French schlongs. This would be very bad for me.

Abe: ....And I don't see a reason for her not to stay.
Rose: Oh, really? That's wonderful.
Abe: The only thing for me is I don't want her looking at a naked penis ever again.
Rose: Oh, I'd rather not look at that either. I think a fig leaf could be a very tasteful way to solve the problem. If you would pass that along, Simon...

--
+ Quotes on the IMDb
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Crevasses

You're the Worst 2×2

Edgar: Want a pie? I can make you a pie.
Lindsay: Oh, Edgar. You don't have to make me a coconut cream pie. Then you'd have to go to the store for me and also buy me ice cream and tampons why you're there.

Lindsay: I am learning so much from this game...
Gretchen: That the National Air and Space Museum isn't named after some guy named Aaron Space?

Gretchen: It's all right. We're adults. We can do this ourselves... Well, I know it involves vodka and tomato juice.
Jimmy: Well, we have a tomato.
Gretchen: I'm sure that's fine. Celery...
Jimmy: We have carrots.
Gretchen: Same thing, basically.
Jimmy: Mayonnaise?
Gretchen: Yeah.

Jimmy: I'm going for literary inspiration. I'm not finding it here, so maybe I'll find it amongst the diabetic masses of the American shopper. I'm like Thoreau, only the mall shall be my Walden.
Gretchen: Mall-den.
Jimmy: I would've found that eventually.

Lindsay: That's why you need stuff, Gretch. To stake your claim. Get your shit up in those crevasses. Besides, stuff is the best. You can never get lonely with stuff. And there are so many examples of stuff— ice cube trays shaped like high heels. Towels. Smaller towels for your butt. Chairs, which I guess are also for your butt...

Saleswoman: Cart paralysis. It's very common. What do you need to get?

Gretchen: I don't have any stuff except for a food processor and, like, 19 thongs, because even though at first we were like, "I am not wearing that," the patriarchy somehow convinced us that visible panty lines were unacceptable, so now I've just grown accustomed to the feeling of a fabric rope against my actual asshole all day.

Saleswoman: I'm just gonna leave you with this checklist for college freshmen.

--
On the IMDb
+ Soundtrack

Loving (2016)

Mildred: I'm pregnant.
Richard: ... Good. That's real good.

Sheriff Brooks: All you over there in Central Point don't know up from down. All mixed up. Part Cherokee, Rappahannock, part niggra, part white. Blood don't know what it wants to be. You just got born in the wrong place, is all...

Sheriff Brooks: I see you got to thinking it was fine. You might think people around here wouldn't care. Hell, maybe they wouldn't, if your dumb country ass hadn't gone off and married her, but not me. You hear me? That's God's law. He made a sparrow a sparrow and a robin a robin. They're different
for a reason.

Court Secretary: "...the said Richard Perry Loving, being a white person, and the said Mildred Dolores Jeter, being a colored person, did unlawfully and feloniously, go out of the state of Virginia, for the purpose of being married in the District of Columbia, on June 2nd, 1958, and afterwards returned to, and resided in the County of Caroline, State of Virginia, cohabitating as man and wife, against the peace and dignity of the Commonwealth."

Mildred: I got a call from a lawyer today.
Richard: A lawyer?
Mildred: Mmm-hmm. From the American Civil Liberties Union. Robert Kennedy told him to call us.

Bernard Cohen: I've given this some thought, and I have a somewhat unorthodox idea on how to do this... My suggestion would be for the two of you to return to Caroline County, get re-arrested, and then we will have an avenue for our appeal.

Phil Hirschkop: ...And, Bernie, if you don't mind me asking, how much experience do you have with constitutional law?
Bernard Cohen: Some... Very little.
Phil Hirschkop: You realize this case could alter the constitution of the United States?
Bernard Cohen: I do.

Richard: How are they gonna defend what they done to us?
Bernard Cohen: I guess we won't know until the hearing, but it's likely that they'll use a defense similar to something they've used before.
Richard: What's that?
Bernard Cohen: It's your kids. ... The state of Virginia will argue that it is unfair to bring children of mixed race into the world. They believe the children are bastards.

Bernard Cohen: Well. Is there anything you'd like me to say to them? And by "them" I mean the Supreme Court justices of the United States?
Richard: Yeah... You can tell the judge... Tell the judge I love my wife.

--
+ Quotes on the IMDb
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Best Self

The Good Place 2×9

Eleanor: Okay. I don't know about you guys, but I say we leave this miserable shirthole.

Tahani: Although I believe I've asked you this question already...
Michael: There is no business class.

Jason: So many memories of this place... Eating frozen yogurt, and then having diarrhea, and then eating more frozen yogurt, and then more diarrhea. Maybe I should've realized this wasn't the Good Place 'cause of all the diarrhea.
Chidi: Maybe you shouldn't be eating all of that frozen yogurt right now.

Eleanor: I am definitely the best version of myself. I know a shirt-ton about ethics now, 'cause I studied. And I read books that weren't even written by the Real Housewives.

Michael: ...and you had your first kiss, which: Gross. Kissing is gross. You just mash your food holes together. It's not for that.

Michael: Oh man. This stinks. I'm having this feeling where... what is it called? You know, where you... you did a thing and you're sad after it? After-sad? Is that... no. You humans have so many emotions! You only need two: Anger and confusion!

Chidi: Here's the thing about me... You know the sound that a fork makes in the garbage disposal? That's the sound that my brain makes all the time. It's just this constant grinding about things I'm afraid of or things that I want or want to want or want to want to...
Eleanor: Is it grinding in there right now, bud?

Eleanor: Michael... is easily the best version of himself. Granted, the bar was low. He is a demon. But he made a mistake and admitted he was wrong, which makes him better than 90% of all humans.

Eleanor: Are you okay with leaving the fake Good Place behind?
Michael: As long as I'm with you guys, I'm always in the fake Good Place.
Eleanor: That doesn't sound as nice as you think it does.
Michael: The real Bad Place was the friends we made along the way.
Eleanor: Nope. Still nonsense. One more try.
Michael: In a way, the Good Place was inside the Bad Place all along?
Eleanor: You know what? That's technically true.

Michael: Hit it, Janet! Next stop, the actual Bad Place!

--
+ Quotes on the IMDb
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Enemy at the Gates (2001)

Grandfather: I am a stone. I do not move. Very slowly, I put snow in my mouth. Then he won't see my breath. I take my time. I let him come closer. I have only one bullet. I aim at his eye. Very gently, my finger presses on the trigger. I do not tremble. I have no fear. I'm a big boy now. Ready Vassili? Now, Vassili, fire!

Nikita Khrushchev: My name is Nikita Sergeyevich Khrushchev. I've come to take things in hand here. This city is not Kursk, nor is it Kiev, nor Minsk. This city is Stalingrad. Stalingrad! This city bears the name of the boss. It's more than a city, it's a symbol. If the Germans capture this city, the entire country will collapse.

Commisar Danilov: What we need are heroes.
Nikita Khrushchev: Do you know any heroes around here?
Commisar Danilov: Yes, Comrade. I know one.

Commisar Danilov: A nobleman from Bavaria who hunts deer against the shepherd boy from the Urals who peaches wolves... It's more than a confrontation between two nations. It's the essence of class struggle.

Koulikov: That's right, boy, have no illusions. That's the land of socialism and universal bliss for you.

Koulikov: They don't give a shit about telephone guys. I mean, it's like us with the Ukrainians. They'd never bother a major over a few dead grunts. Tomorrow, we'll kill us some generals.

Nikita Khrushchev: Vodka is a luxury we have. Caviar is a luxury we have. Time is not.

Tania Chernova: You're Jewish, aren't you?
Commisar Danilov: ... There's nothing in our religion that says you can't eat sturgeon.
Tania Chernova: My father had a premonition all this would happen.
Commisar Danilov: You mean the war?
Tania Chernova: He understood that the hatred of the Jews ran deep. He was saving up to buy some land in Palestine. He said it was the only land that we truly belonged in. The only land we had a duty to defend.

Vassili: All these people here know they're gonna die, so each night when they make it back, it's a bonus. So every cup of tea, every cigarette, becomes a little celebration. Because for a lot of us, it may be our last night. It's just something you have to accept here. Everyone has their time.

Vassili: In the forest, the wolf lives for three years, the donkey for nine.

Vassili: Sad to have a dream you know won't happen.

Major König: He isn't dead. And do you know why? Because I haven't killed him yet.

Commisar Danilov: I've been such a fool, Vassili. Man will always be a man. There is no new man. We tried so hard to create a society that was equal, where there'd be nothing to envy your neighbor. But there's always something to envy. A smile, a friendship. Something you don't have and want to appropriate. In this world, even a Soviet one, there will always be rich and poor. Rich in gifts, poor in gifts. Rich in love, poor in love.

--
++ Quotes on the IMDb
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Leap to Faith

The Good Place 2×8

Shawn: What you've done here is truly amazing. ... Your humans are experiencing emotional torture at the same level of physical torture, created by our squiggliest eyeball corkscrews.

Jason: I can't believe Michael betrayed us again. Why is it always the ones you most expect?

Tahani: Sorry, but when all this started, you're the one who told us that Michael wasn't trustworthy. Now you want us to trust him?
Eleanor: Yes, for one very specific and rock-solid reason: What's-his-name.
Tahani: Who?
Eleanor: The dude, the super depressing religious guy. The... the real buzzkill whose name I can never remember. Keeblers... car. Kyra—
Tahani: Sedgwick? Oh, I love her. Dear friend of mine... Not important right now.
Chidi: Kierkegaard?

Eleanor: I think he was sending us a message to take a leap of faith, 'cause that was Kierkegaard's thing, right?
Chidi: Yes, although it's probably better translated as a leap into faith...
Eleanor: It's so hard to be your friend.

Shawn: How did they get Janet's bracelets off? It's literally impossible for a human to do. It's like breathing underwater or driving without texting.

--
+ Quotes on the IMDb

Peppermint (2018)

Riley North: You can't go around punching people who are jerks. Then you're just as bad as they are.

Carly: Told you. You should've punched her lights out.

Carly: Peppermint. Double scoop.

Riley North: So, here's the deal. If you can tell me my name, I'll let you live. I mean, you'll eat out of a tube the rest of your life, but you'll live.

Riley North: You didn't serve the justice. I will.

FBI Agent Lisa Inman: Isn't it dangerous at night for the kids?
Homeless Man: Not anymore.
FBI Agent Lisa Inman: Why's that?
Homeless Man: 'Cause we got an angel now.

Diego Garcia: You're hurting. You're hurting bad. Out-manned, out-gunned. How you really think this is gonna go?
Riley North: I'm gonna shoot you in your fucking face. And then I'll pretty much figure it out from there.


--
+ Quotes on the IMDb
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Bike Parade

South Park 22×10

Kyle: Yessss! I got fulfilled!

Stephen: Being a fulfiller isn't hard... Uh, you just follow a few basic steps. You start by getting an order on your fulfillment device... Uh, it's order 6,503. Mrs. Sandy Milner wants a Luminart coffee grinder. So, you send that order to the first available transaction robot... Okay, the robot will locate the grinder and bring it to the packing area... Now, put the coffee grinder in the box to fulfill the order... Go on, put it in.
Zombie # 1: This isn't very fulfilling.
Stephen: Sure it is. You just gotta get into it, okay? That's one order down. We have 12,400 more to go.

Jeff Bezos: Your townspeople are beginning to learn that cooperation is rewarded by fulfillment. Now there's only one true enemy who stands in our way. Tonight, he is giving a talk on Marxist theory...
Boxed Josh Carter: How is the common worker kept submissive? By the institutions and the ideology of the bourgeoisie. We only ask for compassion, for a fair share of the fruits of our labors...

Eric: You're not gonna do the bike parade? Why not?!
Kenny: Mrph rmhmhm, mrph rmhmhm rm mrph rmhmhm.
Stan: Commodity fetishism?!

Stephen: Yeah, it's not always easy being a fulfiller, but I think, eventually, you'll find it's a rewarding job.
Gerald Broflovski: I don't really care. I just want my stuff. If I have to work at Amazon to get my packages, then so be it.

Eric: What if the bike parade got canceled? We're never gonna win the bike parade, but if we get it canceled, then everybody loses.
Stan: How do we get the bike parade canceled?
Eric: How do you get anything cancelled? You bitch about it being insensitive!

Kyle: What's offensive about a bike parade?
Eric: What's offensive about a bike parade?! Kyle, you small-minded piece of shit! We should cancel you just for saying that.
Kyle: Oh, I get it.

Boxed Josh Carter: This isn't about revenge, Bezos. It's about the production of too many useful things resulting in too many useless people!

---

Boxed Josh Carter: You made everything nice and convenient, didn't you, Bezos? But humans are more than consumers.
Jeff Bezos: That's very eloquent... for a box...

Kyle: I can't believe Kenny bailed on us just because he thinks Jeff Bezos is a bad guy.
Eric: Yeah. How can somebody who gives you whatever you want be a bad guy?

Mr. Mackey: Uh, Mr. Hankey did something bad, and we were forced to make him... leave. Forever.
Santa: Jesus. What'd he do? (BLEEP) a kid?
Mayor McDaniels: No, he... He tweeted some... inappropriate things.
Santa: He tweeted some inappropriate things? Oh, you bunch of (BLEEP)... I'm getting back in my sleigh now... Merry Christmas! Have fun sucking Jeff Bezos' dick, you bunch a cunts!

Stephen: I want to quit working for Amazon. I want to join my friends in striking, but... I know that you have to have your stuff to be happy.
Butters: No, I don't dad.
Stephen: You need your Amazon Prime shows and your music and your books and your things delivered to your door, like little presents to yourself that make you feel satisfied. I can live without those things, but you can't. That's why... I'm gonna continue to work at Amazon... for you.

Jeff Bezos: You see, people will do anything to have fulfillment. They finally realized the only way to get it would be to all work for the fulfillment center.

Jeff Bezos: Don't you see I'm trying to help? Before, there was war between classes, customers and workers at odds. All I've done is create the new class... the consumer/worker. The future.

Randy: Hello, Bezos. You can take your fulfillment center and fulfill it right up your ass! You see, there's one thing you didn't count on, and that's Tegridy. Just look in the eyes of these people. Everyone has Tegridy now... Tegridy that you will never understand. We aren't just different classes of people anymore. We are a town!
Jeff Bezos: Are you all high?

Randy: ...The point is, nobody's coming to work for you. So you can take your whole plan and fulfill it somewhere else!
Jeff Bezos: Damn you, Tegridy!

--
On the IMDb

Jesse Stone: Thin Ice (2009)

Jesse Stone: Sea Change (2007) <<

Captain Healy: We'll have dinner at Adriano's.
Jesse Stone: Tonight?
Captain Healy: Tonight.

Luther 'Suitcase' Simpson: She's interviewing the candidate, Lou.
Jesse Stone: I'm Jesse.
Luther 'Suitcase' Simpson: I know.
Jesse Stone: If you keep calling me Lou, Suitcase, I'm going to call you Luther.
Luther 'Suitcase' Simpson: Why would I call you Lou, Jesse?

Jesse Stone: What are you looking at?

Jesse Stone: Sorry. I was fighting crime.

Jesse Stone: Paradise is my last stop, Rose. There's nowhere to go from here.

Jesse Stone: How do you know I was in Boston?
Luther 'Suitcase' Simpson: The information's out there. All you have to do is let it in.

Jesse Stone: So you think we should be careful.
Sidney Greenstreet: I think we should carefully do this again. Pals who have sex...
I've heard it described as that.

Jesse Stone: You know, you keep this up, you'll make detective some day.
Rose Gammon: We don't have detectives.
Jesse Stone: No, but if we did.

Rose Gammon: It could be just a coincidence...
Jesse Stone: Cops don't like coincidences.

Sidney Greenstreet: You're on thin ice, Jesse. They're building a case against you.

Jesse Stone: I need you not to ask any questions.
Luther 'Suitcase' Simpson: Why?
Jesse Stone: That's a question. I want you to have plausible deniability.
Luther 'Suitcase' Simpson: Why?
Jesse Stone: I can't tell you.
Luther 'Suitcase' Simpson: Why?
Jesse Stone: Because if I tell you, you can't plausibly deny knowing it.

Luther 'Suitcase' Simpson: You'll explain to me one day, won't you, Lou?
Jesse Stone: Yes, I will, Luther.

Luther 'Suitcase' Simpson: You can only do what you can do, Jesse.

--
+ Quotes on the IMDb

>> Jesse Stone: No Remorse (2010)

Josh's Ex-Girlfriend Is Crazy.

Crazy Ex-Girlfriend 3×4

Paula: You're not thinking straight.
Rebecca: Oh, I'm not thinking straight. Why? 'Cause I'm crazy?

Nathaniel: Yeah, she's zany, but in a cute way.

Jarl: You have the anger of a much taller woman.
Rebecca: Oh, I am angry, Jarl. I'm seven-feet-tall angry.

Paula: I am your friend now, and... I love you, and Rebecca is your friend and she loves you, and female friendships are very strange, and I just... stop complaining. Because we have to help Rebecca now, even if you think she deserves a yank on the pony.

Rebecca: I have decided to reenact every great revenge movie ever made, and it's... ugh! It is so good to see Josh squirm.
Jarl: But what happens after you do all these scary things to him?
Rebecca: I-I don't know. I-I feel better, I guess?
Jarl: No. You die. That's how every one of these movies ends. Stabbing, shooting, drowning. The monster has to be killed.

Rebecca: No. That's-that's not how my movie has to end. No. I am independently financed... in my own mind.

Josh: Leave... me... alone.

---

Rebecca: I'm so lost, man. It's like, I don't... I don't know what story I'm in anymore, you know?

♪ So this is the end of the movie ♪
♪ But real life isn't a movie ♪
♪ You want things to be wrapped up neatly ♪
♪ The way that stories do ♪
♪ You're looking for answers ♪
♪ But answers aren't ♪
♪ looking for you ♪
♪ Because life is a gradual series of revelations ♪
♪ That occur over a period of time ♪
♪ It's not some carefully crafted story ♪
♪ It's a mess, and we're all gonna die ♪
♪ If you saw a movie that was like real life ♪
♪ You'd be like "What the hell was that movie about? ♪
♪ It was really all over the place" ♪
♪ Life doesn't make narrative sense ♪
♪ Nuh-uh... ♪


♪ We tell ourselves that we're in a movie ♪
♪ Each one of us thinks we got the starring role ♪
♪ But the truth is sometimes you're the lead ♪
♪ And sometimes you're an extra ♪
♪ Just walking by in the background ♪
♪ Because life is a gradual series of revelations ♪
♪ That occur over a period of time ♪
♪ Some things might happen that seem connected ♪
♪ But there's not always a reason or rhyme ♪
♪ People aren't characters, they're complicated ♪
♪ And their choices don't always make sense ♪
Rebecca: God, I wonder whose butt is calling me now...

--
+ Crazy Credits on the IMDb
+ Soundtracks

Goodbye Berlin (2016)

Maik: [My mother] said to me, "You can't learn much from me. But two things you can learn: First, you can talk about anything. Second, what others think doesn't mean shit."

Herr Wagenbach: Ladies and gentlemen, may I have your attention please, we've got a new classmate. His name is Andrej. Tsch... Tschicha...tschoroff. Please?
Tschick: Tschichatschow.

Tschick: My family is from all over. Volga Germans, Kalmyks, Wallachians, Jewish Gypsies.
Maik: Jewish Gypsies, there's no such thing. That's like saying there are English French.
Tschick: There are Jewish French and Jewish Gypsies.
Maik: Either you're a Jew or a Gypsy.
Tschick: Jewish is a religion. A Gypsy is just someone without a home.
Maik: People without homes are Berbers.
Tschick: Yeah right, Berbers are carpets.

Maik: Don't we have a map?
Tschick: No phone, no map!
Maik: We'll never get there.
Tschick: Maps are for pussies.

Tschick: I'm not driving back!

Maik: Let's meet up in 50 years at this exact spot. On 28 July 2066. Whatever we're doing then. Or is that stupid?

--
+ Quotes on the IMDb
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Mid-way to Mid-town

The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel 2×2

Midge: Anyhow, some rules you need to follow. Rule number one: no eating in the living room. Rule number two: touch nothing pink. Rule number three... Rule number 38: do not touch Papa's robe!

Susie: Eighteen and a half... Such a tiny fucking thigh.

Susie: I'm sorry. I'm having a little trouble focusing here right now. I'm very high, and there's just a lot of words coming from a little, yellow light source, and it's freaking me out. It feels like a flower's yelling at me.

Susie: A gig. A real gig. A paying gig. No passing the hat. A club with booze and everything.
Midge: Midtown? A midtown gig?
Susie: Almost. 15th Street.
Midge: Wow. Midway to midtown.

Susie: Money is my main goal. I don't have any, and I'd like some.

Abe: The Bible serves its purpose. It is basically a moral set of rules. A... a road map. Men are not able to determine right or wrong without a road map.

Rose: Let me guess. Freud?
Abe: Better. The Bible.

Abe: We spent two hours debating moral nihilism versus mereological or compositional nihilism. At least, I think that's what we were debating. I can't be sure. Either way, it's nihilism, so who cares?

Rose: Bonne nuit, mon amour.
Abe: Bonne nuit, mon amour.
Rose: You're a wonderful man.
Abe: You're a terrible cook.

Joel: Let me guess, it's worse than I thought.
Mrs. Moskowitz: Oh, much, much worse. None of these numbers add up. A... and this writing. At first, I thought it was in Hebrew, but then I realized parts are in Yiddish. And this is ancient Aramaic, which has been a dead language for 2,000 years.

Mrs. Moskowitz: I think it's a numerical system that has eliminated the number six.

---

Shirley: What do you want to know?
Mrs. Moskowitz: Well, everything would be nice.
Shirley: This column is the money we have. This column is the money we will have as soon as these people from this column or that column pay us. Unless it has a bagel stamp, which means it's still being negotiated but we started the work anyway in case it works out. Three flags, that means the check cleared. Two flowers, that means a half and half.
Mrs. Moskowitz: A half and half?
Shirley: Half check, half cash. Or half cash, half services. Or half... something and half something else.

Mrs. Moskowitz: Uh, can I just ask you... um, there is a Sunny spelled with a "U" and a Sonny with an "O" and another with an I-E. Is that the same Sonny?
Shirley: Of course it's the same Sonny. It's Sonny. Sonny from Queens.

Shirley: This is a foolproof system that I invented myself. Completely secure. Only I can understand it... I don't know.

Shirley: Oh, well, we know when the loans are due. A couple of guys break in in the middle of the night. They bust up some chairs and windows. And that's when we know the loan is due.

Midge: Smell that?
Susie: Smells like cheap beer and piss.
Midge: I know. Exciting, right?

Midge: So, going fifth is better 'cause...?
Susie: The audience is drunker? Lowers the bar...

Joel: Remember, it's not permanent.

Midge: Tits up.
Susie: Arms down.

Midge: All comics are comics 'cause something in their lives went horribly wrong. Something went to shit...

Midge: Now, think about this. Comedy is fueled by oppression, by the lack of power, by sadness and disappointment, by abandonment and humiliation... Now, who the hell does that describe more than women? Judging by those standards, only women should be funny. And Stan.

Abe: Zelda... What can you make that's French?
Zelda: Nothing.
Abe: What can you make that we can say is French, isn't, but he'll never know?
Zelda: Goulash.
Abe: Perfect!

--
On the IMDb
+ Soundtracks

Collateral Beauty (2016)

Howard: Life is about people. Advertising is about illuminating how our products and services will improve people's lives. Now, how do we do that?... Love. Time. Death. Now these three abstractions connect every single human being on Earth. Everything that we covet, everything that we fear not having, everything that we ultimately end up buying is because at the end of the day we long for love, we wish we had more time, and we fear death. Love. Time. Death. Let's begin there.

Whit: When something starts with a six-year-old dying, nothing is gonna feel right.

Howard: "Time, they say you heal all wounds, but they don't talk about how you destroy all that's good in the world. How you turn beauty into ash. Well, you're nothing more than petrified wood to me. You're a dead tissue that won't decompose. You're nothing."

Whit: ...someone said something very, very wise to me. They said, "Maybe you should stop trying to force your reality on her and just... Just go into her reality."
Claire: I thought you couldn't afford therapy anymore.
Whit: I can't. It was my Uber driver.

Brigitte: So, you want us to gaslight your boss?
Whit: Huh? I'm sorry?
Brigitte: Gas Light.... You know? It was a play, then it was a movie. Gas Light? Oh, my God. Does nobody ever watch anything longer than eight seconds anymore?

Brigitte: Let's move on. What's next?
Claire: Well, Howard wrote three letters to Love, Death and Time. So, I guess the only question is who plays who?
Brigitte: Casting. Very important. Love... Death... Time.
Raffi: Great. When do we get paid?

Howard: I'm, uh... I'm trying to fix my mind.
Madeline: You lost a child, Howard. It'll never be fixed.

---

Time: You all like to bitch and complain. "There isn't enough time." "Life is short." "Oh, here, the gray hairs are coming in." You know, a day is long as hell. I'm abundant. I'm a gift. Even while you're standing here talking shit, I'm gifting you, and you're wasting it. On what?

Claire: What was that thing you said about Einstein in there?
Raffi: Einstein called time a stubbornly persistent illusion. What's that even mean? or from noon to midnight. You know, we all just make it that way in our heads.

Madeline: So, I assume you're a part of the 79%?
Howard: Mmm?
Madeline: Of couples who get divorced after losing a child.

Madeline: Oh, so Death is a "her"?
Howard: Uh, yeah. It turns out Death is an elderly white woman.

Madeline: ....And there was this woman who sat next to me. And she asked me who I was about to lose. And I told her. And she looked at me and she said, "Just be sure to notice the collateral beauty."

Madeline: I just didn't get it at the time. See, it wasn't said out of sympathy or awkwardness. It was from experience. About a year later, something started to happen to me, you know. I would be walking or on the subway, whatever, and I would just burst into tears. But these weren't Olivia tears. These were tears born from something else, from this kind of profound connection to everything. And I realized it was the collateral beauty.

Time: See, you just waste time. See, I give you a gift and you just waste it!
Howard: I don't care about time. This is a prison sentence!

Love: No. I'm in all of it. I'm the darkness and the light, I'm the sunshine and the storm. Yes, you're right. I was there in her laugh, but I'm also here now in your pain. I'm the reason for everything. I am the only "why." Don't try and live without me, Howard. Please don't.

Allison's the best thing you got happening in this world, and tomorrow's not promised.

Brigitte: Nothing's ever really dead if you look at it right.

--
+ Quotes on the IMDb
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The Austere Academy: Part Two

A Series of Unfortunate Events 2×2

Carmelita Spats: Who can't be beat?
— A dead horse!

Lemony Snicket: "School spirit" is a curious term. The phrase might sound as if it refers to a ghost or other undead phantasm haunting an educational establishment like very old gum clinging to a trophy case... What "school spirit" actually refers to is the belief one particular school is better than another.

Count Olaf: "Settle down." How often I hear those words come out of people's ears and into my mouth... "Settle," a word which here means "settling for less," and "down," my personal least favorite direction. Let me tell you a story...

Count Olaf: Settling down is what losers do. Settling down started World War I. Settling down is what happens when you bite your lip, and your lip gets swollen, so you bite your lip again, and then you keep biting your lip over and over. I don't want that!

Count Olaf: I think this calls for a little democracy, my second favorite style of government.

Count Olaf: Students! Faculty! Don't worry if every exercise program you have tried has failed you, because I am here to fail you more by putting the "whip" back into "whip you into shape."

Count Olaf: You are a genius.
Vice Principal Nero: You're a genius for noticing.
Count Olaf: You're the genius for saying so.
Vice Principal Nero: You're a genius for agreeing.
Count Olaf: All right, I'm the genius.

Count Olaf: Genius ideas are simple, like the wheel or neurosurgery.

Jacques Snicket: Oh, and by the way, I believe it takes one to know one. Cake-sniffer.

Lemony Snicket: That night was indeed a dark day. All nights are dark days, because night is simply a badly-lit version of day. But a dark day also refers to a time when something terrible is going on.

Count Olaf: My whole life is going around and around in circles. Like those things a hamster plays on before you put it in the oven.

---

Count Olaf: Good morning! Today is the first day of the life of your rest... First life of the rest of your day... Today... Today is the first day of the life of your rest. That's what I said. I said it the right way the first time.

Mr. Poe: Klaus, you can't argue with technology.
Count Olaf: Well said, Hat Stevens! You must be a very self-actualized person.
Mr. Poe: Well, I do eat a lot of yogurt.
Count Olaf: De-licious!

Count Olaf: Yes! Yes, let's hear it. I want your energy dumped on my head so it can run down my face like lotion.

Count Olaf: I feel it. Can you feel it, Caligula?
Vice Principal Nero: Nero.

Count Olaf: This school has a new kind of spirit energy. A sense of unity and joy which you usually cannot find unless you are at a birthday party or a public hanging.

Count Olaf: Hey, Gomorrah! Sass!
Mr. Remora: It's Mrs. Bass, and my name is Remora.
Count Olaf: We'll find out who's full of remora soon enough.

Lemony Snicket: Look away from this austere academy before it is too late. This episode in the lives of the Baudelaires is nearly over, but there is still time for it to get much worse.

Count Olaf: This reminds me of a story. Some time ago...

Lemony Snicket: ...This story ends the way all stories end. With the motto of Prufrock Preparatory School. That motto is "memento mori," and it means...
Count Olaf: Remember, you will die!...

--
+ Quotes on the IMDb

+ Origins (Изуверский интернат)

Конни Уиллис — Не считая собаки

avva:

«Самая любимая у меня ее книга, "To Say Nothing Of The Dog" (самый остроумный фантастический роман всех времен и народов, по моему скромному мнению) ...»

sova-f:

«Эйфория. Пир британского юмора ...»

Оксфордский цикл

 “Нас было пятеро – Каррадерс, новичок и я, а еще Спивенс и причетник. ...

&  – Корпус вперед. Колени раскройте. Держите курс. Не заваливайтесь.
     Что может быть полезнее выкрикиваемых над ухом указаний, особенно маловразумительных?

&  Она приподняла «Трубящего оленя». Под колпаком обнаружилось загадочное пряно пахнущее месиво из коричневых кусочков.
     – А это что?
     – Почки, припущенные в остром соусе, – чатни с горчицей. ... А это холодная куропатка.
     – А яичницы с беконом нет?
     Она покачала головой:
     – Яичница – это мещанство. Копченую сельдь? – Верити протянула мне кусок мореной рыбы на вилке.
     Я ограничился овсянкой.

&  – Так, правила предельно просты. Очки начисляются за проведение шара через шесть воротец – четверо крайних и двое в центре – дважды, то есть туда и обратно. Один ход – один удар. Если пробиваешь шар через воротца, тебе дается дополнительный удар. Если сбиваешь своим шаром чужой, то получаешь право на крокирование (удар по чужому шару) и дополнительный удар, но если за один раз пробьешь две пары воротец, все равно получаешь только один дополнительный удар. Ударив один раз, больше бить не имеешь права, пока не пройдешь следующие воротца, но первых воротец это не касается. Если бьешь по уже ударенному шару, теряешь ход. ... Вот это границы площадки, – она очертила молотком, – северная, южная, восточная и западная. Вот тут ярдовая линия, вот там стартовая. Все понятно?
     – Предельно.

&  Я постепенно формулировал девиз: «Поступай как знаешь, все равно опростоволосишься».

&  Закон Вселенной: свою эпоху никогда не ценят. Особенно транспорт. В двадцатом веке возмущаются задержками рейсов и ценами на бензин, в восемнадцатом – непроезжими дорогами и разбойниками. ...греки наверняка ругали на чем свет стоит норовистых лошадей и ломающиеся оси колесниц.

&  Уродство всегда уцелевает. Закон природы.

  ... Верити взяла меня за руку.
        – Placet.”

The Sweater People

You're the Worst 2×1

Edgar: Head wigglies?
Jimmy: Head wigglies. When you drink something cold too fast and your head gets all wiggly.
Edgar: You Brits have baby talk for everything. Telly, lorry, willy, nappy, bobby!
Jimmy: Well, you have very silly things in your vocabulary as well.
Edgar: Like what?
Jimmy: "American exceptionalism."

Jimmy: Let's put it to a house vote. On the floor is the question: Should we have a curfew on weeknights? Those in favor?.. Those in opposition?.. Ah. The cold, egalitarian hand of Lady Democracy has triumphed once again. God save the Queen.

Lindsay: You go home tonight and you dress up real slutty, and you do butt stuff with your boyfriend. For all of us who let love die by becoming ordinary. Do it for the sweater people, Gretch. The sweater people.
Gretchen: Wait. You wear sweaters all the time.
Lindsay: It's a metaphor.

Gretchen: Yo Mobile?.. Guys, I have a work number.
Honey Nutz: Uh-uh. Sleepy bitches lose they right to use normal people phones. Sleepy bitches only get to use phones made for hookers and drug addicts and irresponsible garbage people!

--
+ Quotes on the IMDb
+ Soundtrack

Josh Is a Liar.

Crazy Ex-Girlfriend 3×3

Rebecca: I told him everything.

Rebecca: You need to call off that case, you stalking, obsessive, psycho, crazy...
Rebecca: I'm not crazy, I'm not crazy, I'm not crazy. Don't call me crazy!

Paula: Um, okay, so you know our favorite Internet thing?
Rebecca: Celebrities with cellulite that look like kittens with yarn?
Paula: I forgot about that. No, our favorite blog... The Corset.
Rebecca: Feminist news, nail art and more?
Paula: Yes!

Rebecca: From one lawyer to another, someday, future, hopeful lawyer, I want to let you know... It's like if you had spinach in your teeth, I'd tell you, and right now, I want to let you know on a professional level, we have spinach in our case.

Ned: Here is your cap and gown... Congratulations, Heather. Spread your wings. You're about to fly!

Nathaniel: You're an idiot, but... you make a certain kind of sense.

Heather: Oh, God. Do I have to sing an inspirational musical theater song right now?

Rebecca: I have an itemized list
of all the lies right here. Paula: What is that? Is that exhibit "R"?
Rebecca: No. It's exhibits "L" and "D," for Lies and Deception.
Paula: That's... not how we code exhibits.

Heather: Murder my starfish?... I mean, she doesn't have a central nervous system, so it wouldn't hurt, but she does have five eyes that look into my soul...

Rebecca: Can you forward this post to everyone you've ever met in your entire life?

---

Rebecca: Oh, are you all reading it? Yeah. You forwarding it? Are you gramming it, screenshotting it, tweetin' it, sendin' it to friends, group text, all that jazz, yeah?

Josh: Ah, the smells of a man's boyhood... I am that man. And that boy... And I have a hood. God, I love it when sentences work out.

Josh: Guys, you know me. I-I would never do or say these things.
Kevin: I don't know, Josh. It's on the Internet. It's probably true.
Hector: I mean, some of it's true.

Rebecca: It's working!...
Rebecca: Wow, it really is. We're ruining him!
Rebecca: Guess we won.

Josh: I am not the crazy one!

Rebecca: ...And, if I'm gonna be the face of a groundbreaking lawsuit, I mean, I'm gonna need some new feminist nail art, right? .... Okay, so I'm thinking the word "woman" could be spelled out on my fingers, but with, like, a "Y," or maybe just, like, a bunch of unicorns.

Nathaniel: This is more than sex and power. This is something else... Oh, my God, I think I like her.

Darryl: By the way, the reason I was confused earlier is that some of Michael Crichton's books came out after he died. They were published posthumously. After he was a human.

Paula: It's like we never really knew her...

Nathaniel: Well, when you find someone who melts the iceberg that is your heart, you save 'em right back because you want tomorrow to start today forever.

--
On the IMDb
+ Soundtracks!

A Monster Calls (2016)

Conor: How does the story begin?
The Monster: It begins like so many stories. With a boy, too old to be a kid. Too young to be a man. And a nightmare...

The Monster: A dream? What is a dream, Conor O'Malley? And who is to say that it is not everything else that is a dream?

Conor: That's a terrible story! And a cheat!
The Monster: It's a true story. Many things that are true feel like a cheat. Kingdoms get the princes they deserve. Farmers' daughters die for no reason. And sometimes witches merit saving. Quite often, actually. You'd be surprised.

Conor: I don't get it. Who's the good guy here?
The Monster: There is not always a good guy, Conor O'Malley. Nor is there always a bad one. Most people are somewhere in between.

The Monster: Stories are wild creatures, Conor O'Malley. When you let them loose, who knows what havoc they might wreak?

The Monster: Belief is half of all healing. Belief in the cure, belief in the future that awaits. Your belief is valuable, so you must be careful where you put it, and in whom.

Dad: I still love her. But, you see, the... Love isn't enough. It doesn't carry you through.
Conor: So, you didn't get happily ever after.
Dad: No, but that's life, you know? Most of us just get messily ever after. That's alright.

Mum: The eyes. The eyes, that's it. Life is always in the eyes. If you get that, you'll be a proper artist.

The Monster: There was once an invisible man, who had grown tired of being unseen. It was not that he was actually invisible. It was just that people had become used to not seeing him. One day, the invisible man couldn't stand it anymore. He kept wondering: If no one sees you, are you really there at all?

The Monster: Speak the truth or you will never leave this place!

Conor: I want it to be over!

The Monster: How can a prince be a murderer and be loved by his people? How can an apothecary be evil-tempered but right-thinking? How can invisible men make themselves more lonely by being seen?
Conor: I don't know. Your stories never made any sense to me.
The Monster: Because humans are complicated beasts. You believe comforting lies while knowing full well the painful truth that makes those lies necessary.

The Monster: In the end, Conor, it is not important what you think. It is only important what you do.
Conor: So what do I do?
The Monster: What you did just now. You speak the truth.
Conor: That's all?
The Monster: You think it's easy? You were willing to die rather than speak it.

--
+ Quotes on the IMDb

Derek

The Good Place 2×7

Michael: I understand the ethics involved, but we need to stop that wedding. We break up Jason and Tahani. Janet stops being sad. Derek goes away.
Chidi: Fine, but... There is something called the Doctrine of Double Effect. In order to remain ethical, you can't just go into this with the intention of killing Derek. Your only goal has to be to spare Jason and Tahani from future pain by filling them in on Jason's past.

Chidi: I know it's tempting to take a short-cut, but moral strength is defined by how we behave in times of stress.
Eleanor: Has anyone ever told you what a drag you are?
Chidi: Everyone. Constantly.

Eleanor: You will feel better after some time goes by.
Janet: I don't really experience the passage of time. I do use it as lotion occasionally.

Michael: Being ethical... it's hard, and I kind of hate it. When's it get easier?

--
+ Quotes on the IMDb

Playing for Time (1980)

Rabbi: Mme. Fénelon your music is the soul of Paris.

Alma: And we must try to please them, Fania...
Fania: I'd prefer to think I'm saving my life rather than trying to please the S.S.
Alma: Do you think you can do one without the other?

Alma: I can not help but strive for the pursuit of perfection, I was trained that way and I can not change now.
Fania: I'm hardly in a position to criticize you, and I'm also trying to please.
Alma: Exactly. But we are artists. They can't take that. There is nothing to be ashamed of.

Shmuel: Don't do that.
Fania: What?!
Shmuel: Turn away. You have to look and see everything! So I can tell them when it's over.
Fania: Who?
Shmuel: ...
Fania: But I am not believe. Why did you pick me?
Shmuel: I always know who to pick... Live!

Commandant Kramer: I must tell you, Fénelon, that I originally objected...
Fania: Excuse me, Herr Commandant. I must tell you, my name is really not Fénelon. My mother's name was Fénelon, my father's name was Goldstein. I'm Fania Goldstein.

Alma: So, why do they resent me? You are professional. You knows that strict discipline is required. A conductor must be respected.
Fania: I think she can be loved too...
Alma: You can not love what you do not respect!

Alma: It is perfectly traditional. In Austria, in Germany, when a musician is repeatedly wrong—
Fania: To slap?
Alma: Yes, of course! Furtwängler did it so frequently that his orchestras idolized him.

Alma: ... Then they arrested me as a Jew. It still astonishes me...
Fania: Because you are so so German?
Alma: Yes, I am. I am.

Alma: In this place, Fania, you will have to be an artist, and only artist! You will have to concentrate on one thing only... And that is to create all the beauty you are capable of creating.

Shmuel: Fania, they are gassing 12,000 each day now. 12,000 angels... fly up every day!
Fania: Why do you keep telling me these things? What do you want from me?
Shmuel: Look with your eyes, the air is full of angels!

Fania: I have no answers anymore, Paulette. I'm living from minute to minute. My heart beats, so I'm alive. But I'm filling up with dust.

Sonya: I don't know what's gonna happen to us, Fania, before the end. I only want one Jewish woman to understand... When I first came here, I was sure that the Pope and the Christian leaders who didn't know, when they found out they would send planes to bomb the fires here and the tracks that bring them in every day. But the trains kept coming and the fires continue burning. Do you understand it? Do you understand?
Fania: May be there is something more important to bomb. What are we here anyway, a lot of women who can not even menstruate...
Sonya: Oh, Fania, forgive me, please!
Fania: You? Why? What did you do to me? Were you in the resistance? Did you try to fight against this? Why do you have to feel guilty?

Fania: It's all a joke. Don't you see? It's meaningless. I'm afraid nothing you could do would have changed that.

Fania: I almost feel pity for person like you more than for us. And you, you will survive. All everyone around you will be in sins, from the one end to the other. And who you will able to talk ever again?

Elzvieta: I'm not on their side. I'm only keeping myself for Jerusalem.
Fania: Good...
Elzvieta: What do you mean by that, Fania?
Fania: I mean, that is good. If you can keep yourself so apart from all this, so clean.
Elzvieta: But we are not responsible for this!
Fania: No, of course not. Nothing here is our fault... All I mean is this, we maybe innocent, but we'e changed. I mean we know a little something about the human race, that we didn't know about before. And it's not good news.
Elzvieta: How can you still call them humans?!
Fania: Then what are they?

--
On the IMDb
+ Soundtracks

Janet and Michael

The Good Place 2×6

Shawn: You just walked in and stole her? It was that easy? You didn't have to choke out an angel or anything?
Michael: Doors were unlocked, no security. I mean, it makes sense, right? They're good, so they're stupid and trusting.

Janet: The neighborhood is in danger of total collapse. Fun fact: mathematically, it's equally likely to either im- or explode.

Michael: Um... Janet, uh... What's a food that people think they enjoy but that's also kind of a bummer?
Janet: Frozen yogurt.

--
+ Quotes on the IMDb

To Josh, With Love.

Crazy Ex-Girlfriend 3×2

Josh: I'm going to be a priest and priests have no guilt, right?

Father Rodrigo: Well... I hope you understand, it's a big commitment. A typical priest's training takes four to six years and involves getting a master's degree in divinity. And you'll have to take a pre-theology class.

Josh: I'm just here to go to priest school.
Father Rodrigo: Preschool?
Josh: Priest school.
Father Rodrigo: Ah, oh, yes, yeah. Yeah, we don't use that term for that exact reason.

Rebecca: Wait, $600-to-$800? That's like a pair of shoes.
Paula: Maybe for you, bitch.

Rebecca: Can we take a quick time-out for some nonjudgmental truth time?

Rebecca: It feels... You know when you eat a whole bag of iced ginger snaps, but then you're like, "What? There's still a hole inside me," so then you move on to shoplifting, and the next thing you know, you're in your dorm, surrounded by unitards and fuzzy pillows from Urban Outfitters and the hole's still there? It feels like that.
Paula: That's why you have so many unitards? I was more of a lipstick and Sambuca shoplifter myself back in the day.

Maya: Did you know that studies show women only orgasm 39% of the time during sex, while men finish 91% of the time?
Tim: That doesn't even make sense. People are orgasming 130% of the time? Uh, check your math.

Nathaniel: We're gonna get that place shut down, and we're gonna get it demolished, so that our client can build their discount wicker lacquered napkin ring, capiz shell chandelier palace.
Rebecca: Nathaniel, we can't do that. I mean, Chae Won...
Nathaniel: Is a loser who doesn't pay our bills.

---

Josh: It's a challenging program, yes. But in four to six years, I'll have my master's, and then there's the postgraduate internship, the Alaskan mission where I shadow a priest in a small fishing village... I'm already taking a super fun pre-theology class. I think there's a few months of silent prayer in there...

White Josh: You just... Father, Son and Holy Ghosted your entire life.

Josh: I've had an apology e-mail to her in my drafts for weeks—

Tim: The G-spot, guys. The G-spot. You just go in, in, in, in, up, up, up, and then back, back, back. That's the spot. That does it every time.

Nathaniel: Well, you do have an unconventional body type.

Rebecca: Uh-uh-uh. Not until the deal is done. I watched Cruel Intentions in the car on the way over here.
Nathaniel: Oh, that is such a good movie.

Nathaniel: Behind this curtain are the most powerful people east of the 5, north of the 10 and some parts of the 2.
Rebecca: So, South Pasadena, basically?

Josh: Dear God, I have to read all this religion and Bible stuff, and I don't understand any of it, and it doesn't interest me at all. No offense, Big Guy. So, when I open my eyes, can I just be a priest, and look cool, and hand out wine and wafers, and not at all feel bad about leaving Rebecca at the altar?... I knew that wasn't gonna work. I'm not Aladdin.

Nathaniel: Your job is critical. You see those three women over there?... You can talk to them about anything, anything at all, except for raising taxes, charter school vouchers and being pro-choice. Can you do that?

Rebecca: Well, that was actually very satisfying.
Nathaniel: Isn't it always?
Rebecca: Only 39% of the time. There's some interesting literature on the subject...

Rebecca: Oh, I feel so much better. I did it. Oh, my God, I told him everything... Oh, my God, I told him everything.

--
On the IMDb
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A Stunted Childhood and a Can of Fancy Mixed Nuts

Young Sheldon 2×10

Linda: Ah. You know, I think that brand is the same kind Einstein wore...
Sheldon: Well, I've never seen a picture of his feet. And you're a grown-up, so you wouldn't lie to me. I guess I have no choice but to believe you.

Mary: How do they feel?
Sheldon: My brand loyalty is being severely tested.

Meemaw: How is he ever gonna get through this world?...

Mary: Aw, they're so sweet.
Linda: Yeah, life'll suck that right out of them soon enough...

Dr. Sturgis: It's perfect. I teach you about science so you can impress your grandson, and you teach me to drive so I can impress you.

Connie: Okay, but if we do this, I'm in charge. You have to do what I say when and how I tell you to do it.
Dr. Sturgis: Hubba-hubba, it's like we're back in the bedroom.

Sheldon: Eat outdoors? Do I look like a hippie to you?

Georgie: All right, I'm just gonna come out and ask it: what the heck is a colleague?

Missy: He doesn't know how to have fun; he's an old man.
Sheldon: I'm not an old man.
Missy: Oh, yeah? What's your favorite color?
Sheldon: Khaki.
Missy: Old man.

---

Paige: You know, I read that adults who had a stunted childhood often become social misfits and weirdos.
Sheldon: You didn't read that, you're making it up like your goat story.
Paige: Psychology Magazine, February issue, 1988.
Sheldon: Well, um... That doesn't make it true.
Paige: Guess you'll find out when you're an adult...
Sheldon: I guess I will.
Adult Sheldon: Well, we know how this story ends. I grew up to become a well-adjusted and charming fellow. But at that moment in time, she had me worried.

Connie: You have to start the car first.

Sheldon: Excuse me, I was hoping to purchase some practical joke paraphernalia so that I may behave childishly.

Sheldon: "If it's funny, it's a Bazinga"... Interesting.

Dr. Sturgis: I don't think I can do this, Connie... it's too much information. I can't process it... Not just the light. There were other cars. There's pedestrians. There was a guy on a bicycle! That's just too many random elements. The-the-the stimuli are overwhelming.

Sheldon: ...Bazinga.
Adult Sheldon: And that's how I became the madcap prankster all my friends know and love.

--
On the IMDb
+ Soundtrack

The First Purge (2018)

Psychologist: "Purge." Interesting term... You may have a chance to purge soon.

Freddy: This is the greatest shit show on Earth. They turning our island into ancient Rome. Our hood into the Colosseum. Now, the question is: Are we gonna be the Christians or the lions? Gladiators or the slaves, right?

Dmitri: I don't like it.
Nya: Why not?
Dmitri: I don't know what it is. When I don't know exactly what something is... I don't trust it. Not one bit.

Nya: The Purge is one day. You, Dmitri, destroy this community 364 days a year.

— This is not a test. This is your Emergency Broadcast System, announcing the commencement of the NFFA Social Experiment on Staten Island, New York. Weapons of class four and lower have been authorized for use during the experiment. All crime, including murder, will be legal for 12 continuous hours. Blessed be our New Founding Fathers and America, a nation reborn. May God be with you all.

Dolores: It tastes like old-man ass. And don't ask me how I know.

Chief of Staff: This country is overpopulated, Doctor. There's too much crime, too much unemployment... And a bankrupt government that can't afford to care for its own citizenry. People don't want us to raise taxes? Our debt has tripled. We can't pay for anything. We, the NFFA... we inherited all this mess. ... We exhausted every possibility. I need for this to work. I need to sell this on a country-wide scale because this is our last hope.

Chief of Staff: Come on. We both know there's... there's no easy answer where somebody... some group doesn't suffer.

Dmitri: See, the NFFA forgot about one thing. They forgot about us. This is our home. So let's show these white-haired motherfuckers never to fuck with our island again.

Dolores: Yo, what the fuck is really going on? I'm confused.

Chief of Staff: I've received word from President Bracken that we're considering a nationwide Purge, uh, as the people are now calling it, uh, as early as next year. One where every U.S. citizen can participate.

--
+ Quotes on the IMDb
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>> The Purge (2013)

The VCR Illumination

The Big Bang Theory 12×10

Sheldon: Nothing? Like what my career has come to? Thanks a lot!

Amy: What are you doing?
Sheldon: Eating, reading, watching television, listening to the radio. What does it look like I'm doing?

Amy: Is that asparagus? I thought you hate asparagus.
Sheldon: I thought so, too, but I also thought super-asymmetry was a good idea, so what else am I wrong about?
Amy: Oh, so now you're reevaluating every opinion you've ever had?
Sheldon: I am following the example of 17th century philosopher René Descartes. He subjected all his beliefs to radical doubt so that he could build a bedrock belief and build his cognitive life back up on firm principles.

Sheldon: I've always thought I hated jazz, maybe I was wrong. Maybe it's great to hear all the notes at once..... I'm trying, I'm really trying!

Penny: Have you tried making him a cup of tea?
Amy: He's reevaluated tea. Now he thinks it's nothing but leaf soup.

Amy: "Fine with flags"?

Amy: It is the emergency pep talk you made when you were a kid.
Sheldon: Oh, that... I was saving it for the day they stop making Star Wars movies. I don't think that's ever gonna happen.

Young Sheldon: Sheldon, never forget, no matter how bad things seem, you can al...

---

Amy: Is there anything I can do?
Sheldon: Yes! You can build me a time machine so I can go back and tell my younger self to give up, because nothing's gonna work out the way he wants!
Amy: .... I was thinking a nice cup of leaf soup...

Bernadette: I now present The Great Howdini!

Bernadette: Why didn't you say something earlier?
Howard: You seemed like you were so happy, and then when I tried to say something... you seemed like you were so mad.

Bernadette: Hey, this isn't about me. I just wanted you to have your dream, and I wanted to control everything about how you looked and acted so that your victory was mine.

George: We're not gonna quit... And if we do lose, you need to know that doesn't make you losers. You learn as much about who you are and what you're made of from failing as you do from success. Maybe more...

Sheldon: I've been acting like the game is over, but it's only halftime. And there's a lot more physics left to play.
Amy: Wow, was that your first ever sports metaphor?

Sheldon: Thanks, Dad. We're gonna give them hell.

--
+ Quotes on the IMDb
+ Soundtrack

Терри Пратчетт — Понюшка (5/5)

<< Ранее

&  ...река ... не видела смысла в суете. В конце концов, она состоит из воды, а всем известно, что вода все помнит. Она знает в чем смысл: ты испаряешься, кружишь в небе в каком-нибудь облаке, пока нечто не организует все как надо, и потом ты выпадаешь в виде дождя вниз. И так все время. Так что спешить некуда. После твоего первого в жизни всплеска все остальное ты уже видел.

&  Университетская улица подсказывает, что драка – это наука. Наука как удержать оппонента подальше от вашего лица и опустить его самого лицом в землю с максимальной скоростью, затратив не это минимум усилий. После чего, разумеется, у вас появится масса приятных возможностей и, если хорошенько подумать, радужных перспектив. Но если решили драться честно, или просто немного честнее, чем другие уличные зачинщики, тогда вам нужно знать, как бить, куда бить и под каким именно углом. «Разумеется, приличный бронзовый кастет не помешает» – подумал Ваймс, разминая пальцы, чтобы восстановить кровообращение...

&  – Рад познакомиться, сэр Самуэль! Прошу простить за мой вид. Мы трудились всю ночь. По-настоящему срочная работа. Можно сказать, нужда заставит, если лорд Ветинари попросит.

&  А все потому, что страшная правда такова: никто не любит быть на проигравшей стороне.

&  ...раздувался от счастья словно свинья-копилка, набитая монетами.

&  – Закон един для всех, и нет нужды его обходить. А если кто-то обходится без него, то нужно браться за оружие. Ясно?

  ... Название новой книги было «Гордыня и жуткая предвзятость».”

>> Поддай пару! (Плоский мир — 40)

Jesse Stone: Sea Change (2007)

Jesse Stone: Death in Paradise (2006) <<

Jesse Stone: Well, I'm just a small town cop. Mostly I give out parking tickets.

Rose Gammon: He wants to know how you know.
Jesse Stone: I'm the Police Chief. I know everything.

Hilda Evans: Brahms. When I'm feeling troubled, I sit in my favorite chair, put my head back and listen to Brahms. I find it comforting.

Dr. Dix: If you've got nothing to do, pal, find something to do. If it's not important, make it important.

Jesse Stone: So, how are you doing, Hasty?
Hasty Hathaway: You don't say "How are you doing?" to a convict.
Jesse Stone: Okay. How's it going?

Luther 'Suitcase' Simpson: I'll have a cappuccino.

Sybil Martin: You married Jesse?
Jesse Stone: Sort of.
Sybil Martin: Sort of?
Jesse Stone: Every place but in my mind.

Luther 'Suitcase' Simpson: What about the bank case?
Jesse Stone: I don't have a clue. I think I'm throwing stuff against a wall to see if anything sticks.
Luther 'Suitcase' Simpson: Well, isn't that what cops do? You stirring the pot?
Jesse Stone: Oh, yeah.

Cathleen Holton: You don't think what he did was wrong?
Jesse Stone: It was wrong. But it wasn't illegal.

Jesse Stone: You know, you live long enough, you have regrets. And the ones that nag at you the most are the ones where you knew you had a choice. The ones where you knew you could have stopped yourself. The ones where you looked into the mirror and everything good inside you said, "Don't do this."

Leeann Lewis: You know, I wasn't being entirely honest with you the other day.
Jesse Stone: I know.
Leeann Lewis: How do you know?
Jesse Stone: I'm a cop. I'm good at what I do.

Rose Gammon: How did I do?
Jesse Stone: Officially, I'm shocked.
Rose Gammon: Unofficially?
Jesse Stone: I'm proud of you.
Rose Gammon: What would you have done, Jesse?
Jesse Stone: I would have slugged him.

Leeann Lewis: How do you know?
Jesse Stone: I'm good at what I do, Rebecca.

Jesse Stone: It was smart... Unintended consequences.

--
+ Quotes on the IMDb

>> Jesse Stone: Thin Ice (2009)

Pickle Rick

Rick and Morty 3x3

Rick: Hey, Morty?!
Morty: Rick? Are you far away, or are you inside something?

Morty: Is this a camera? Is everything a camera?

Morty: Rick? W-where are you?
Rick: On my work bench, Morty.
Morty: Are you invisible and you're gonna, like, fart on me?
Rick: Flip the pickle over.
Morty: What, I'm gonna touch it, and you're gonna tell me it's an alien dick or something.

Rick: I turned myself into a pickle, Morty!
Morty: And?
Rick: And? What more do you want tacked on to this? I turned myself into a pickle, and 9/11 was an inside job.
Morty: Was it?
Rick: Who cares, Morty? Global acts of terrorism happen every day. Uh, here's something that's never happened before... I'm a pickle. I'm Pickle Rick!

Rick: I don't do magic, Morty, I do science. One takes brains, the other takes dark eye liner.

Rick: Morty, stop digging for hidden layers and just be impressed. I'm a pickle.

Rick: The reason anyone would do this is, if they could, which they can't, would be because they could, which they can't.

Rick: Okay, I may have [bleep] up here. Dup, ap, ap, pap, ut, dah, pap, pap, pap, pah... T-t-tah, tah.

---

Rick: Izzy, I'm not a snake! I've seen the YouTube videos, I know cats are scared of cucumbers and pickles because they think they're snakes. I'm not a snake! I'm a pickle, I'm a pickle!

Rick: This can't really be the way I go out. This is the mega-genius equivalent of dying on the toilet.

Agency Director: Farewell, Solen'ya.

Jaguar: Pickle Man, it's too late for me to tell my daughter I love her, but not for you.
Rick: Oh, well, uh, she knows. I mean, we don't really buy into that kind of crap, to the extent that love is an expression of familiarity over time, my access to infinite timelines precludes the necessity of attachment. In fact, I even abandoned one of my infinite daughters in an alternate version of earth that was taken over by mutants.
Jaguar: Okay. Good luck with that.

Dr. Wong: Why didn't you want to come here?
Rick: Because I don't respect therapy, because I'm a scientist. Because I invent, transform, create, and destroy for a living, and when I don't like something about the world, I change it. And I don't think going to a rented office in a strip mall to listen to some agent of averageness explain which words mean which feelings has ever helped anyone do anything. I think it's helped a lot of people get comfortable and stop panicking, which is a state of mind we value in the animals we eat, but not something I want for myself. I'm not a cow. I'm a pickle... When I feel like it. So... you asked.

Dr. Wong: I have no doubt that you would be bored senseless by therapy, the same way I'm bored when I brush my teeth and wipe my ass. Because the thing about repairing, maintaining, and cleaning is it's not an adventure. There's no way to do it so wrong you might die. It's just work. And the bottom line is, some people are okay going to work, and some people... well, some people would rather die. Each of us gets to choose.


--
+ Quotes on the IMDb
+ Soundtracks

+ Reddit on Rickandmorty
+ Rick and Morty References