Pickle Rick

Rick and Morty 3x3

Rick: Hey, Morty?!
Morty: Rick? Are you far away, or are you inside something?

Morty: Is this a camera? Is everything a camera?

Morty: Rick? W-where are you?
Rick: On my work bench, Morty.
Morty: Are you invisible and you're gonna, like, fart on me?
Rick: Flip the pickle over.
Morty: What, I'm gonna touch it, and you're gonna tell me it's an alien dick or something.

Rick: I turned myself into a pickle, Morty!
Morty: And?
Rick: And? What more do you want tacked on to this? I turned myself into a pickle, and 9/11 was an inside job.
Morty: Was it?
Rick: Who cares, Morty? Global acts of terrorism happen every day. Uh, here's something that's never happened before... I'm a pickle. I'm Pickle Rick!

Rick: I don't do magic, Morty, I do science. One takes brains, the other takes dark eye liner.

Rick: Morty, stop digging for hidden layers and just be impressed. I'm a pickle.

Rick: The reason anyone would do this is, if they could, which they can't, would be because they could, which they can't.

Rick: Okay, I may have [bleep] up here. Dup, ap, ap, pap, ut, dah, pap, pap, pap, pah... T-t-tah, tah.

---

Rick: Izzy, I'm not a snake! I've seen the YouTube videos, I know cats are scared of cucumbers and pickles because they think they're snakes. I'm not a snake! I'm a pickle, I'm a pickle!

Rick: This can't really be the way I go out. This is the mega-genius equivalent of dying on the toilet.

Agency Director: Farewell, Solen'ya.

Jaguar: Pickle Man, it's too late for me to tell my daughter I love her, but not for you.
Rick: Oh, well, uh, she knows. I mean, we don't really buy into that kind of crap, to the extent that love is an expression of familiarity over time, my access to infinite timelines precludes the necessity of attachment. In fact, I even abandoned one of my infinite daughters in an alternate version of earth that was taken over by mutants.
Jaguar: Okay. Good luck with that.

Dr. Wong: Why didn't you want to come here?
Rick: Because I don't respect therapy, because I'm a scientist. Because I invent, transform, create, and destroy for a living, and when I don't like something about the world, I change it. And I don't think going to a rented office in a strip mall to listen to some agent of averageness explain which words mean which feelings has ever helped anyone do anything. I think it's helped a lot of people get comfortable and stop panicking, which is a state of mind we value in the animals we eat, but not something I want for myself. I'm not a cow. I'm a pickle... When I feel like it. So... you asked.

Dr. Wong: I have no doubt that you would be bored senseless by therapy, the same way I'm bored when I brush my teeth and wipe my ass. Because the thing about repairing, maintaining, and cleaning is it's not an adventure. There's no way to do it so wrong you might die. It's just work. And the bottom line is, some people are okay going to work, and some people... well, some people would rather die. Each of us gets to choose.


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