To Josh, With Love.

Crazy Ex-Girlfriend 3×2

Josh: I'm going to be a priest and priests have no guilt, right?

Father Rodrigo: Well... I hope you understand, it's a big commitment. A typical priest's training takes four to six years and involves getting a master's degree in divinity. And you'll have to take a pre-theology class.

Josh: I'm just here to go to priest school.
Father Rodrigo: Preschool?
Josh: Priest school.
Father Rodrigo: Ah, oh, yes, yeah. Yeah, we don't use that term for that exact reason.

Rebecca: Wait, $600-to-$800? That's like a pair of shoes.
Paula: Maybe for you, bitch.

Rebecca: Can we take a quick time-out for some nonjudgmental truth time?

Rebecca: It feels... You know when you eat a whole bag of iced ginger snaps, but then you're like, "What? There's still a hole inside me," so then you move on to shoplifting, and the next thing you know, you're in your dorm, surrounded by unitards and fuzzy pillows from Urban Outfitters and the hole's still there? It feels like that.
Paula: That's why you have so many unitards? I was more of a lipstick and Sambuca shoplifter myself back in the day.

Maya: Did you know that studies show women only orgasm 39% of the time during sex, while men finish 91% of the time?
Tim: That doesn't even make sense. People are orgasming 130% of the time? Uh, check your math.

Nathaniel: We're gonna get that place shut down, and we're gonna get it demolished, so that our client can build their discount wicker lacquered napkin ring, capiz shell chandelier palace.
Rebecca: Nathaniel, we can't do that. I mean, Chae Won...
Nathaniel: Is a loser who doesn't pay our bills.

---

Josh: It's a challenging program, yes. But in four to six years, I'll have my master's, and then there's the postgraduate internship, the Alaskan mission where I shadow a priest in a small fishing village... I'm already taking a super fun pre-theology class. I think there's a few months of silent prayer in there...

White Josh: You just... Father, Son and Holy Ghosted your entire life.

Josh: I've had an apology e-mail to her in my drafts for weeks—

Tim: The G-spot, guys. The G-spot. You just go in, in, in, in, up, up, up, and then back, back, back. That's the spot. That does it every time.

Nathaniel: Well, you do have an unconventional body type.

Rebecca: Uh-uh-uh. Not until the deal is done. I watched Cruel Intentions in the car on the way over here.
Nathaniel: Oh, that is such a good movie.

Nathaniel: Behind this curtain are the most powerful people east of the 5, north of the 10 and some parts of the 2.
Rebecca: So, South Pasadena, basically?

Josh: Dear God, I have to read all this religion and Bible stuff, and I don't understand any of it, and it doesn't interest me at all. No offense, Big Guy. So, when I open my eyes, can I just be a priest, and look cool, and hand out wine and wafers, and not at all feel bad about leaving Rebecca at the altar?... I knew that wasn't gonna work. I'm not Aladdin.

Nathaniel: Your job is critical. You see those three women over there?... You can talk to them about anything, anything at all, except for raising taxes, charter school vouchers and being pro-choice. Can you do that?

Rebecca: Well, that was actually very satisfying.
Nathaniel: Isn't it always?
Rebecca: Only 39% of the time. There's some interesting literature on the subject...

Rebecca: Oh, I feel so much better. I did it. Oh, my God, I told him everything... Oh, my God, I told him everything.

--
On the IMDb
+ Soundtracks!