Bad Santa 2 (2016)

Bad Santa (2003) <<

Willie: Let's just say my whole life has been one long fucking miserable nightmare most of the time. And pure shit on a good day.

Thurman Merman: I'm 21. Officially a man.
Willie: Goddamn. You're 21 already. That's creepy.

Willie: I ain't dancing around with a bunch of candy canes and shit. Because I'm all about the birth of Christmas. You know, the wise guys kicked him out of the hotel and the ejaculate conception and the drummer that didn't have shit to give him but some perfume... And the King Midas or one of them threatened to cut the kid in half, turn him into gold and but, see, I... It's a heavy deal for me. Pretty damn heavy.
Diane: Are you talking about the true meaning of Christmas?
Willie: Exactly.

Marcus: How do I look?
Willie: You look like one of those trolls that gang-fucked Willy Wonka.

Sunny Soke: Just think of the damage we could do. Just the two of us. All the time.

Sunny Soke: You're my shitstick. And nobody's gonna mess with you on my watch.

Willie: Um, I ain't exactly what you call the romantic type, you know. I don't go in for all the sappy shit. But, um, I gotta tell you, you got gigantic titties. And that's no shit.
Um... thanks?
Willie: No sweat.

Thurman Merman: Well, I know you're not the Santa. But you're still my Santa.

Thurman Merman: I know you're not my real family, but when you don't have real family, then you have to make a new one. And it's actually better because then you get to pick the people who are in your family. And you're the family I picked.

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