The Austere Academy: Part One

A Series of Unfortunate Events 2×1

♪ Look away, look away ♪
♪ Look away, look away ♪

♪ Ask any stable person "Should I watch?" And they will say ♪
♪ Look away, look away, look away ♪


Lemony Snicket: You probably shouldn't be here...

Lemony Snicket: This is a secret passageway in a restricted area about one third of the way through a dreadful and upsetting story.

Klaus: We've been tormented by treachery and villainy.
Violet: Child labor and leeches.
Klaus: And now, a new school.

Klaus: "Memento mori."
Lemony Snicket: When you learn what it means, you will understand why this story can have no happy ending, the way no story has a happy ending.
Violet: What does "memento mori" mean?
Klaus: ... Remember, you will die.

Count Olaf: My IQ has been measured in the upper double digits...

Klaus: A library is an island in a vast sea of ignorance.
Olivia Caliban: Particularly if that library is tall and the surrounding area has been flooded.

Vice Principal Nero: What a lovely girl. Sweet as a butterscotch buttercup.

Vice Principal Nero: When you hear an incredible violin performance, it's tradition to clap and cheer and yell "Bravo!"

Vice Principal Nero: I know all about you. You've been to guardian after guardian, and adversity has always followed. Adversity means "trouble," by the way.

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Vice Principal Nero: Klaus, you will be with Mrs. Bass in room two, which is easy to remember if you think of Tu B'Shevat, the Jewish equivalent of Arbor Day.

Vice Principal Nero: Why are you here?
Olivia Caliban: Why are any of us here? "Life is thickly sown with thorns, and I know no other remedy than to pass quickly through them." Voltaire said that.
Vice Principal Nero: I thought we expelled that French kid for smoking.

Olivia Caliban: Too bad we can't fix stupidity at the vice principal level.
Larry: In a world often governed by corruption and arrogance, it can be difficult to stay true to one's literary and philosophical principles.

Lemony Snicket: The expression "making a mountain out of a molehill" simply means making a big deal out of a small deal. It's easy to see how this expression came about. Molehills are mounds of earth serving as condominiums for small mammals. And they have never caused anyone any harm, except for maybe a stubbed toe if you're being pushed by a bully... Mountains, however, are very large mounds of earth and are constantly causing problems. From frostbite to protracted border disputes, hang gliding mishaps. Which is why when we
call something a mountain... we mean that it is a large amount of trouble.

Mrs. Bass: We have a brand new orphan today. It must be difficult for you to measure how unhappy you are without your parents, but we're gonna try...

Mrs. Bass: We'll continue our lessons on the metric system by measuring various objects. Later we'll have a quiz. The first thing to measure is this jar of mayonnaise I found in my garage.

Count Olaf: We need someone on the inside, a student who will help us infiltrate, if infiltrate is what I mean.
Henchperson of Indeterminate Gender: Do you mean "to penetrate an institution surreptitiously"?

Vice Principal Nero: Attendance is mandatory. Mandatory means "anyone who doesn't come has to buy me candy and watch me eat it."

White Faced Woman #1: En garde!
White Faced Woman #2: That's French for "We gotcha!"

Count Olaf: You know what they say about the food service industry... It's a cold, cold business.

Count Olaf: So much to learn, and I am here to school you.

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+ Quotes on the IMDb
+ Origins (Изуверский интернат)