Release the Dogs
Charlie: You telling me you can’t make a fist?
Alan: Just leave me alone.
& Charlie: How about exercise? It’s kind of like sex but without the condom.
Alan: You know, that’s not a bad idea.
Charlie: Well, you should always wear a condom!
Alan: No, I mean the exercise. I could go for a run on the beach.
Charlie: Sure, I’ve seen people do that. Usually they have a dog, but I think that’s optional.
& Alan: Wake up!
Charlie: What?
Alan: It’s noon.
Charlie: What day?
Alan: Saturday.
Charlie: Thanks, see you Sunday.
& Jake: Please don’t hit on her.
Charlie: Hit on who?
Jake: Taylor’s mom.
Charlie: Why would I hit on Taylor’s mom?
Jake: Well, because she’s kind of pretty and you’ll hit on anything with a pulse.
Charlie: Where’d you get that?
Jake: My mom.
Charlie: Oh, well...
Jake: And my dad, Berta, Rose, Grandma...
Charlie: Okay, okay.
Jake: ... the UPS man.
Charlie: All right.
Jake: And when you hit on people I know, everything gets screwed up... or I have to find a new guitar teacher, new karate class... Cub Scout troop...
Charlie: Okay, I get it.
Jake: ... Godmother.
& Jake: You promised!
Charlie: No, no. No. The head that made the promise is not the one that broke it.
& Alan: Listen, I have to talk to you.
Charlie: This is a bad time, Alan.
Alan: How come?
Charlie: Because you wanna talk to me.
& Jake: You said you wouldn’t go out with her and you did!
Charlie: I had to, Jake. She called me.
Jake: What difference does that make?
Charlie: I have to explain it to you?
Jake: I have to explain everything to you.
Charlie: Okay, okay. Let’s say you’re a hunter. If a deer takes your gun, shoots itself... then straps itself to the roof of your car... you have to take it home and eat it.
Jake: What?
Charlie: I’m sorry. I can’t make it any clearer.
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+ quotes on the Imdb.
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