Two and a Half Men 4x15

My Damn Stalker

& Alan: Oh, no, no, no. It’s personal.
    Charlie: What are you into, grannies with trannies?
    Alan: No.
    Charlie: Chickens with strap-ons?
    Alan: Please, please don’t, Charlie, plea...
    Charlie: Oh, you pitiful freak! What is wrong with you?
    Alan: Nothing, I came upon it by accident.
    Charlie: I am so ashamed... My own brother using an Internet dating service.

& Berta: You know, I never did understand why you didn’t give her more of a chance. She’s pretty, smart, and amazingly patient with dumb guys.
    Charlie: Are you talking about Jake or me?
    Berta: A smart guy wouldn’t have to ask that question.

& Charlie: Excuse me, but let’s not forget this is a woman who stalked me... who spied on me, who snuck into my house... to write her name and address in my underwear.
    Berta: Oh, boo-hoo. Somebody cares about Charlie.

& Charlie: Why don’t you get him a real tutor?
    Alan: Are you kidding? She has advanced degrees in, like, three subjects. She loves him. He worships her. The only thing she asks in return is... to sit naked in your laundry hamper once in a while.
    Charlie: And that’s not a red flag for you?
    Alan: You could do a lot worse than Rose.
    Charlie: I have done a lot worse. But that’s not really a recommendation, now, is it?

---

& Charlie: Leanne, tell me something. Is it just me or is the crowd in here getting younger?
    Leanne: No, the crowd’s the same age it’s always been. You, on the other hand, are not.
    Charlie: I’m not old. Forty is the new 30, right?
    Leanne: Ha-ha-ha. Not the way you live, pal.

& Charlie: What’s the news?
    Rose: Well, my family has business interests in London... and I’m gonna move there and take a job.
    Charlie: Oh, terrific. So will you be running the chocolate factory? Did the oompa-Loompas drop the ball?
    Rose: Charlie.
    Charlie: Little bastards went union, didn’t they?
    Rose: Oh, I’m gonna miss that good-natured cynicism.

& Alan: That lovely lady in there brought her toothbrush... because I have a penis and a job.
    Charlie: Rose!.. How is she gonna brush your job?

& Charlie: I give up. I surrender. You win, Rose. I’m yours.
    Rose: Oh, Charlie, that’s so sweet. But I know you. You’re just having a little panic attack... because you’re getting old and nobody loves you.

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+ quotes on the Imdb.

Σ We'll miss u, Rose. Plz, come back.