Two and a Half Men 4x11

Walnuts and Demerol

& Berta: Hey. I’m mixing up the eggnog. You want this broad lit up or just slightly glowing?
    Charlie: Let’s see, we’re celebrating peace on earth... and goodwill towards all mankind, so let’s get her ploughed.
    Berta: Hallelujah!

& Jake: Merry Christmas, Uncle Charlie.
    Charlie: Oh, right, the other part of Christmas.
    Jake: Go ahead, open it.
    Charlie: Uh, hold on. Let me give you your gift first. Don’t want you to think I forgot you...
    Jake: A hundred bucks? Wow!
    Charlie: Picked it out myself.
    Jake: Now open yours.
    Charlie: Okay. Ahem...
    Jake: This is kind of exciting...
    Charlie: “Fart in a can”?
    Jake: You don’t have one, do you?
    Charlie: Well, I’ve got you. But... this is good for travel.

& Dr. Herb Melnick: I’m a doctor.
    Kandy: A real one or like Alan?
    Melnick: I’m a pediatrician.
    Kandy: Wow. So you’re into feet?
    Melnick: No, children.
    Kandy: Isn’t that illegal?
    Charlie: Berta, don’t you have a bus to catch?
    Berta: And miss this show? Are you nuts?

& Berta: Boy, I can’t wait till the second act...

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& Berta: Here we go. More fuel for the fire.
    Charlie: You said you were going home.
    Berta: That’s was before I knew you were having a party.
    Charlie: This isn’t a party. It’s just a bunch of people I don’t like, standing around, drinking my booze. Oh, crap, it is a party.

& Evelyn: All right, then, let me put it this way: I forbid you to see this woman anymore!
    Charlie: You forbid? What gives you the right to forbid? I’m 39 years old.
    Evelyn: I’m your mother, you’re 40, and you must not see this woman anymore.
    Charlie: Mom, you know that just makes me want her more.
    Evelyn: Charlie, I mean it!
    Charlie: I’m getting hotter.
    Evelyn: Look, I know certain things about Gloria’s past which are, well, unsavory.
    Charlie: Okay, I’m going supernova.
    Evelyn: Would you listen to me? If you continue to see this woman... it will hurt me, deeply.
    Charlie: I may have to marry this girl.

& Gloria: Charlie, I’m getting pretty drunk... so if you like a girl who moves, you better do me soon.
    Charlie: Follow me.
    Berta: Aw, isn’t that sweet? Every time a guy has sex, an angel gets a stiffy.

& Berta: Did you hear that? Charlie found his boundary.
    Rose: It’s a miracle.
    Berta: A Christmas miracle.

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+ quotes on the Imdb.

Σ A good 1.