Two and a Half Men 4x16

Young People Have Phlegm Too

& Alan: So how are you feeling?
    Charlie: That depends. What day is it?
Saturday.
    Charlie: Oh. Well, in that case, I feel great.
    Alan: Why in that case?
    Charlie: If it was Thursday, I’d be a little worried.

& Alan: I’m sorry, but the music in that club was so loud, my ears are still ringing. You know what that sound is? That is the sound of the hairs in my ear dying. I am talking permanent hearing loss, Charlie. Those little hairs don’t grow back.

---

& Charlie: Listen, Alan. If I don’t make it, you need to know about my will.
    Alan: Hey, I don’t wanna hear that kind of talk. You’re gonna make it... But go on. Finish what you were saying.
    Charlie: First of all, I left the house to you and Jake.
    Alan: Yes! ..... You’re gonna make it.
    Charlie: Just so you know, there’s two mortgages on it... and the property taxes are $50,000 a year.
    Alan: Uh, 50,000? Uh, excuse me. Do you gotta flatline to get a little help around here?!!

& Doctor: Well, the good news is that you are a perfectly healthy 50-year-old man.
    Charlie: I’m only 40!
    Doctor: Tell that to your liver.

& Charlie: It’s weird, Alan. It seems like just yesterday, I could... I could party all night, eat and drink anything I wanted to. Now a couple of Red Bulls and a waffle... and I’m sitting in the emergency room
praying for a fart.
    Alan: Now you know why I ordered tomato juice and cottage cheese.
    Charlie: I admit, you take good care of yourself.
    Alan: I try.
    Charlie: I guess that’s why I keep you around.
    Alan: Because I’m a good example?
    Charlie: No, you clod, spare parts.

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+ quotes on the Imdb.

Σ Boring & disturbing.