Salmon Fishing in the Yemen

Tnx 2 anashulick

& Patricia Maxwell: Salmon fishing... Salmon fishing in the Yemen... Is that the best you puffed-up Oxbridge-educated moronic buffoons can come up with?

& Sugden: Well, we’ll certainly bend every sinew to the job, Patricia. I’ll set up a working party immediately.
    Patricia: What?! Hey! Don’t you “working party” me, you short-arsed little pen-pusher! I did not say kick it into the long grass. I said do it!
    Sugden: Yes, Patricia. Right... away.

& Sugden: Dr. Jones, as your Operational Line Manager, I am asking you with extreme prejudice to take a meeting with Harriet Chetwode-Talbot.
    Dr. Alfred Jones: I take it that’s an order?
    Sugden: Take it how you wish.
    Dr. Jones: ... Nazi.
    Sugden: ... Wanker.

& Dr. Jones: I should have resigned... Matter of principle. I have a standing in the scientific community, Mary. A reputation.
    Mary Jones: You have a mortgage.

& Patricia: The Minister for Culture’s been photographed doing what?.. Naked or clothed?.. Boy or girl?.. How old?.. Jesus. Well, at least she’s legal... Press statement from us saying that we’re a party of policy not personality, concentrating on the real issues of getting this country back on track in times of economic hardship and not tabloid sensationalism, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. Meanwhile, get the useless arse on the front page of every paper apologizing for being born, big spread in Hello! with blonde forgiving wife and cute kids. If they’re not cute, find a horse or something.

& Sheikh Muhammed: I’m a great admirer of the British for many reasons, but still there are mysteries to me. The rich are frightened of the poor... The poor are frightened of the rich... And even your politicians, they try to sound like the people on the EastEnders. A wonderful program, but still...
    Dr. Jones: Yes, the great British class system.
    Sheikh: Indeed. But fishermen, I have noticed, they don’t care whether I’m brown or white, rich or poor, wearing robes or waders. All they care about is the fish, the river and the game we play. For fishermen, the only virtues are patience, tolerance and humility. I like this.

---

& Sheikh: It would be a miracle of God if it were to happen.
    Dr. Jones: I’m more of a facts-and-figures man myself.
    Sheikh: You’re not a religious man?
    Dr. Jones: No. No, I’m not.
    Sheikh: But you’re a fisherman, Dr. Jones.
    Dr. Jones: I’m sorry, I don’t follow.
    Sheikh: How many hours do you fish before you catch something? Dozens?
    Dr. Jones: Gosh, hundreds sometimes.
    Sheikh: Is that a good use of your time for a facts-and-figures man?.. But you persist in the wind and the rain and the cold with such poor odds of success. Why?.. Because you’re a man of faith, Dr. Alfred. And in the end, you are rewarded for your faith and constancy with a fish.

& Sheikh: A toast? To faith.
    Dr. Jones: And fish.
    Harriet: To faith and fish.
    Sheikh: To faith and fish.
    Dr. Jones: And science.

& Sheikh: You’re unhappy tonight, Ms. Harriet?
    Harriet: No. I’m fine, really.
    Sheikh: I have too many wives not to know when a woman is unhappy. Though mine are not so quiet about it.

& Harriet: Are you sure you won’t have one?
    Dr. Jones: At lunch time?
    Harriet: Dr. Jones, I haven’t spoken a word of Mandarin for about four years, so I am celebrating even if you’re not.
    Dr. Jones: I only drink alcohol on the weekend. And even then, only after 7:00.
    Harriet: No exceptions?
    Dr. Jones: None that I can think of... Well, yeah. We got married on a Friday, but I think it was, as I recall, a bank holiday in Northern Ireland, so I allowed myself, I think, a glass on a technicality. ..... That was an attempt at a joke, Ms. Chetwode-Talbot.
    Harriet: Right. ’Good one.’

& Dr. Jones: I know it’s probably just a terrible folly, but, still, I can’t help sometimes imagining that this crazy enterprise might just come off. You know, with a bit of luck and with the right people. And you, you are most definitely, most definitely one of the most rightest people that I’ve had the good fortune to come across... If you’ll forgive the grammatical inadequacies of that sentence.

& Dr. Jones: Harriet...
    Harriet: Yes.
    Dr. Jones: I was wondering about you and me... The theoretical possibility in the same way as a manned mission to Mars is a theoretical possibility. Obviously.
    Harriet: Or salmon fishing in the Yemen.
    Dr. Jones: A-ha.

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+ quotes on the Imdb.