Going Postal (5/6)

Four

& Vetinari: The eyes, Mr Lipwig.
    Lipwig: Hmm?
    Vetinari: You can trust me.
    Lipwig: Oh, that... Made from turtle egg shells.
    Vetinari: Ingenious*.
    Lipwig: Thank you.
    Vetinari: I meant me for making you postmaster.


& Reacher: How dare the gods work against me... I don’t remember giving them permission.


& Reacher: Are you absolutely sure you can’t solve this technical hiccough* without having to shut down the whole system?
    Mr. George Pony: Well... maybe we can... come at it from a different angle.
    Reacher: By damn it, George, you’ve talked me into it! I’ll tell the board you’ve got the whole thing under control. Your skill and ingenuity will be the saving of the company. ...
    Horsefry: I hadn’t budgeted for any pay rises, Reacher.
    Reacher: You won’t have to. Money dangled* is much more effective than...
    Horsefry: ...money given.


& Reacher: So efficient. Thank you.
    Horsefry: Nice to be appreciated.


& Horsefry: What are you doing?!
    Reacher: Saving us from prison.
    Horsefry: But we have to keep account!
    Reacher: Your job is to hide things, not to declare them for the whole world to see.


& Reacher: Found the fault yet, Mr. Pony?
    Pony: I... I...
    Reacher: Mr. Horsefry was taken ill. It left a nasty stain on the carpet. I sent him home. But can’t stand the smell... Mr. Pony, that’s not the look of a man who’s in for a substantial pay rise... Better.


& Mad Al: Is this about the rent?
    Lipwig: Who the hell are you?
    Mad Al: We paid Mr. Groat. So you’ll have to take it up with him.
    Lipwig: Forget Groat. What are you doing on my roof?
    Mad Al: I’m Mad Al. He’s Sane Alex. And that’s Adrian. He says he’s not mad but you can’t prove it, can you?


& Adora: You know, I quite enjoyed seeing you on your knees.
    Lipwig: Adora!
    Mad Al: The Smoking GNU, actually.

---

& Lipwig: You can really jam the whole clacks system from a pigeon loft?
    Sane Alex: Mm-hmm.
    Lipwig: Nice trick.
    Mad Al: Trick?! This is cutting edge cracking. Two years in development.
    Sane Alex: Iterative beta testing.


& Lipwig: Ladies, gentlemen, don’t get caught in the clacks! Come join us at the Post Office. We’ll get your message delivered.
    Reacher: You see, the clacks system works at the cutting edge of technology. And in the white heat of progress there are sometimes complications. But I can assure you these are now all resolved.
    Miss Cripslock: Some people are saying...
    Reacher: And we’ll be providing refunds for any messages that have been lost. All you have to do is fill in the claim form. But I do urge your readers not to do anything as rash as writing a letter and sending it by post.
    Miss Cripslock: Wouldn’t you...
    Reacher: You might as well tear it up and scatter it to the four winds.
    Miss Cripslock: Mr. Gilt, this claim form is 50 pages long.
    Reacher: A help desk will be provided. But, please, don’t get bogged down in the details. What really matters is we fly high above the bandits.


& Lipwig: Ready to stick the stiletto in?
    Adora: The pleasure’s all ours.


& Lipwig: So, how long does it take?
    Mad Al: It should have got to the first tower already.
    Lipwig: I must say, it’s looking distinctly underwhelming.
    Adora: It’s alright leaving us.
    Lipwig: So much for iterative beta testing.
    Adora: Don’t shout at me!
    Lipwig: I’m not shouting. I’m just calmly stating.
    Adora: Well, just don’t!


& Adora: Is it possible they could have... cracked our code?
    Lipwig: Just as I was beginning to like the hat.
    Adora: Stop whining, Lipwig!
    Lipwig: I’m not whining, I’m just... I’d like to know why the GNU isn’t smoking.


& Groat: Have we lost everything?
    Lipwig: Relax, Mr. Groat. I’m not done yet. All I have to do... is attempt the impossible.


& Vetinari: Well, you’ve made quite a splash. As the fish said to the man with the lead weight tied to his feet.


& Vetinari: Perhaps I’m missing something.
    Lipwig: No, my lord, it’s a straight race.
    Vetinari: But you can’t possibly win.
    Lipwig: I agree, it won’t be easy.


& Vetinari: I have a condition of my own. If you lose, Mr. Lipwig, you hang.
    Lipwig: Really? It seems a little harsh.
    Vetinari: But fair. If you lose, you will have outlived your usefulness.
    Reacher: Having second thoughts, Postmaster?
    Lipwig: Let’s race!


-- Dict:
Ingenious — оригинальный; остроумный; изобретательный
hiccough — икота
dangled — дразнить; размахивать; манить; соблазнять

Six